Sex and Soul-ties (Confessions of a married woman)

ImageHe loves me or am I getting it mixed up? I am married, he is still single, he tells me things my husband is too busy to say. He makes me feel like a real queen. I am already looking forward to our first kiss because he talks about it all the time on the phone. He once told me he’s still a virgin and wouldn’t mind having his first sexual experience with me. 

 

I am slim and that’s the shape he wants his woman to have. We talk about everything from our feelings, sex and the future. He says he only ask me for one thing, “to have a ‘love child’ for him.” We ended up sleeping together at our first meeting because we both wanted it. We promised each other right and there that it will never happen again because we both have a ‘good’ image each in the public that we won’t want to tarnish. And yes, I still love my home and husband.

 

It did happen again…and this is because after the first experience with him and how ‘nicely’ he treats me, I couldn’t get my mind off him. He just kept invading my thought…that is what sex does to two people. It binds them together; it’s like glue with the mission to put two things together permanently. Sex is a soul-tie, it is strong and binding and that is why it is not advisable to sleep with someone you are not married to. 

 

Why sleep which someone who is old enough to be your mother because of financial gain? You may get a temporary financial push-up from the relationship but you have sold your soul in the process, and your soul is priceless. Anyone who asks for sex in exchange of the favor he/she wants to offer you is your number one enemy to success. Joseph recognized this when Portiphar’s wife approached him and he ran for his life.

 

Dear precious husband, it is better you are not married to her than for you to marry and not be sensitive to her feelings. Adultery has no justification so also will you not be applauded for not being able to meet the emotional and sexual gratifications of your wife.

 

Dear precious wife, you must be able to find a beautiful way to communicate your unmet needs to your husband, sometimes he is ‘too’ busy making money for you and the kids that it takes it as a priority over your emotional needs. Having sex with someone who you are not married to is dangerous because sex is a covenant, vow, seal, bond and a soul-tie. It is only in marriage that God gives a thumb up to sex because it helps a man and his wife to bond and communicate in ways that are beyond words.

 

Scandals from illicit sex are also catastrophic just as it happened to a world class President who slept with one of his office stewards. It destroyed his image, his career and almost ruined his home. A Celebrity Golf Champion lost his home because he was fond of exposing his loins to every lady that winks at him. Do not ruin whatever future you have by a moment of lustful pleasure. Some of your partners may be out to nail you just as Delilah did to Samson. That you cannot control your sexual drive anytime you see a ‘fine’ babe or guy means you really have a problem you need to take care of fast before it embarrasses you before those who hold you in high esteem.

 

It takes courage and wisdom to open up to someone who can help overcome your sexual challenges. You are not the first in such situation and you will not be the last. Lot of great and anointed men of God has taken advantage of vulnerable followers and protégés by committing adultery and fornication on sacred grounds…sex on the altar… God is watching and He is shaking His head. Such men are abusing the grace of God over their lives and have thus placed an expiry date on their grace. It only takes a matter of time and they will end up in disgrace. It is not a sin to be tempted but falling flat in sin and continuing in it without remorse nor seeking for help is sure a destruction path. If you are married, sleep only with your spouse…If you are single, sleep alone till you get married….that’s God’s candid advice. I value you! You reach out to me on BB PIN: 29E55A9A

 

How to remain your wife’s best friend for life

It is so great to know that you got married to your best friend because most people do. However, it is not good at all if after few years both of you can’t connect so well or be so much in love like it used to be when you first got married. Lot of responsibilities and commitments may get you so busy that if care is not taken you’ll hardly create enough time for your spouse…this is detrimental to your love life and marriage. Here are a few tips to keep the flame of your love burning and rekindled always with your spouse.

Share her ideas

You need to understand that your wife is a wonderful creature and in the womb of her mind lies wonderful ideas that can help every bit of your life become better. Let her share her ideas with you about your business, ministry or projects. She may really want to start up something of her own like daycare, school, help ministry….encourage her great dreams…motivate her. Listen to her views and opinions of your plans…you may not necessarily agree with her but respect her points…make her feel as the most important person in your life after God…because that is how it’s supposed to be. Don’t discourage her great ideas only for someone outside to appreciate it.


Share her Vision

Your wife was created not only to womb babies but to also carry great visions. She is a vision carrier just like Mary who ‘wombed’ the Savior. Imagine how the testimony of salvation would have been if Joseph vehemently refused to accept the vision of Mary being the mother of Jesus. Your woman has been created to meet an economic need, to solve a community problem and to affect her environment and nation like Dorcas, Esther and Deborah. You have to be beside her to mentor her and lead her right. Give her the motivation she needs to push her out of her comfort zone.

Share her Interests

It is so obvious that many men love to watch sports or read the newspapers or rather listen to news on the TV; but as a man, have you ever taken time to know your wife’s interests? Do you at all know what she enjoys doing? Find out what she loves doing and do it with her even if for the fun of it; this will help the bond between you to be stronger. Sing with her, dance with her, go places with her…it may just be to stroll together. Two cannot walk together except they agree (Amos 3:3). Both of you can find a common interest and enjoy it together. Two people cannot go on a journey together if one is heading towards South while the other wish to travel to the North. Win your babe’s heart over and over again by showing interest in her interests.

Share her Chores

If your wife’s love language is acts of service, you will have to do your marriage a great favor by finding time to assist her at home even if it is the little things like helping her to lift something from one place to the other. No work should be too big for you to do for your spouse. Culture should not dictate to you what you should and shouldn’t do for your spouse. You only have to find out what makes her happy and you do it for her. One of the daughters’ of the Priest of Midian eventually became Moses’ wife and this not just happened; prior to that Moses helped his wife-to-be and her sisters when they came to draw water from the well. He even helped them to water their father’s flock. (Exodus 2:16-17)
How often do you assist your wife? There are some things that you could easily do while she handles some other things. Remain her best friend for life…don’t distant yourself from her to the extent that she starts feeling your absence and start confiding in a third party. Stay by her, value her, cherish her, support her and maintain her beauty…don’t overload her with home chores to the extent that she gets worn-out. Make her be the model you want…the way you ‘use’ her will determine the way she appears in public…if she is no longer attractive like she used to when you first got married….it’s your fault. Let her take time-out sometimes from the house chores…take her out…celebrate her….she is the mother of your kids….your better half.

Share her Challenges

Your wife go through lot of challenges…she goes through a cycle every month and this may cause mood swings. So sometimes she may be in her low points, such times she may not be too friendly. Do not shout on her during these periods…you need to read her like a book to know when she needs you to understand her moods. She is a ‘multi-stage’ personality. Share her joy, pain, tears and laughter, through her waiting period to her conception season, the childbirth time, the weaning of the babies and when the menopause period comes. Her cycle has been built that way and she needs your full support to grow old together with you gracefully. She wants to remain your best friend for life and you need to be a part of her life in whatever she does for this to happen. Don’t be left behind, be carried along, don’t wait till you hear of her exploits from a third-party or from the media before you know that your wife is a celebrity. See the future in her now. Wake up the sleeping giant in her…remain her best friend for life!

Lessons from Delilah

delilah 

Let me start by reminding you that Delilah was specifically asked to seduce Samson and she did just that. She has ever since been immortalized for that great feat, conquering a great man. Every husband is great inclusive of yours and every man wants his wife to be his “seductress”. If you are not able to keep seducing your spouse, some else will do it, and a man’s mind has the ability to keep remembering the one who has the power to get him easily aroused. I hope you are aware that men are easily aroused by what they see and are usually captivated by what arouses them? So a wife who easily arouses her spouse is a woman whose husband will keep remembering every hour of the day. Have you ever been in love that your lover keeps calling you on phone at intervals just to hear your voice or to simply say “I love you”?                                                                                                                          What simply happened then is that he just can’t stop thinking about you. Most women have lost their homes because they are too holy to play “the harlot” or mistress to their husbands. For Christ’s sake, he is your husband, don’t dress like a warrior who is fully kitted while going to bed. The fact is if he is not tempted by you at all, he will outside. In the words of Bisi Adewale, President of College of Marital Success, “You cannot keep a man who your outlook cannot captivate”.

 Why not occupy your man’s mind thoroughly by displaying all for him least he satisfies his appetite outside. Wear things he loves for him in the bedroom, read books on how to be a “terrific wife”. Spice up your sex life with your spouse, don’t be a dull partner. Ways in which you can seduce your spouse include your wears (wear seductive clothes only for him at home), treat him like a King (every man is the king of his home).Don’t deny him your body. A man will easily stick to the woman that treats him right, if you don’t treat him right, someone outside is begging to do so and will in turn keep your spouse, God forbid! Cook him nice meals. A Nigeria adage says, “The way to a man’s heart is his belly”. Open the tap of your brain, think of what you can cook with what you have and ‘oops’ please know your husband’s best meals. It may mean going an extra mile to get his favorite meal ready but please do it so as not to lose his heart; it will make him love you more.

Delilah exposed Samson’s secrets to his enemies. Every man wants a woman who can be his confidant and keep his secrets. Delilah missed it at that point. Do not announce to the world or your friends information confided in you by your spouse, so as not to lose your home. Have a treasure vault in your heart or brain where you can keep vital information about your relationship or love life with your spouse. Records have shown friends losing spouses to each other simply because they have talked too much about some things about their spouses’ private lives that supposed not to be exposed. They have in turn given out their treasure to the swine.

You have to discover your spouse’s strength. Delilah took time to know her lover’s strength only that she used it against him. Study your spouse and know his strength areas, read him like a book. Then, try as much as possible to strengthen him in that area, contribute positively to make him better. You should also know his weakness so as to help him overcome it if possible or manage it to the minimum level.

The greatest book of wisdom, Bible, made us understand that Delilah tormented Samson in other to get the needed information from him. Men hate when their wives nag and torment them. When we nag our men, we push them out. The more we nag or torment them, the farther we push them away. Men love peace and will always pitch their tents with any woman who gives them such. Your man may not have it all today to give you but learn how to appreciate the little he was able to do in the past. A grateful heart never lacks, it is natural. You lose respect when you nag. There is a way of getting your request across without nagging. The reason why harlots easily rip off men is because they make their requests known when giving the men the pleasure they need. It is a give and take. Men naturally are built to give regardless of how rich their wives are but your man may never give you if you ask him the wrong way. We are naturally built to respond to appreciation, so when you appreciate for the little he did in the past even if he did nothing, “haba”, he will be propelled to do more.

On a last note, Delilah put Samson’s head on her laps. Wow! That is an “Almighty formula”. Learn to put your husband’s head on your lap. She turned her lap to his pillow no wonder he surrendered his total strength to her. Putting his head on your lap means providing a beautiful, quiet and stress-less place of abode for him where he can rest from the stress of the day. The sad news is that the opposite is the case in most homes, instead of giving him rest; he receives stress in return. This has chased lot of men into the arms of Delilah out there who is ever waiting to accommodate a man whose wife has denied care, love, attention, romance and peace.

In the words of David O. Adeoye from his book titled: Busy-ness or Business, “…If the atmosphere of your home is not healthy enough to revitalize you, you’ll always go to work tired and wounded. Whenever you leave the market place as a business person discouraged, you are supposed to get back the next day encouraged. If you left wounded, you are supposed to get back healed”.

Let’s learn the good lessons from Delilah and abstain from her negative attitudes least we lose the men we love to the woman we hate (Delilah).