Bedmate or Soulmate?

ImageLara always looks forward to her intimate moments with Lekan. He sure knows how to send shivers down her spine with his touch, kisses, cuddles and romance. This minute he is busy making love to her, an hour later, he beats her like a punching bag. Yes, he buys her gifts when he is in a happy mood, yet he never misses raining abusive words on her once she makes any mistake. He pulls her down emotionally and psychologically when in a bad mood despite promising her marriage….watch it, he is just a bedmate and not a soul mate.

Bedmates are common, easy to meet and flirt around with. They easily toy with their partner’s emotions; a soul mate values his/her partner and does not toy with his/her emotions. When you are a soul mate, you don’t mistreat your partner because doing so is like driving a hammer straight into your heart.

You go wrong when you start sleeping with someone you are not married to. This is because sex be-clouds you from discovering all you need to know about your partner and makes you more concerned about satisfying your cravings. Take God’s candid advice; don’t sleep together until you are married to each other. Dear girlfriend, don’t pack into his house thinking you are already his fiancée. To him, you may still be a mere friend and nothing more.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Do you still connect with your spouse like when you first got married? How healthy is your relationship? I know you share same bed but do your hearts bond as one? It is possible you are sleeping together regularly yet your heart is flirting with some secret admirers or colleague. Some couples bear grudges, keep malice and yet sleep on same bed, so strange. That you both are married does not qualify you as soul mates. Marriages turn out great and successful when couples learn to be soul mates rather than mere bed mates.

A soul mate prays for you whether you are achieving success or not. He/she is your cheer leader come thick or thin. Your pain becomes theirs because you are bonded by one cause which is to finish strong together. If both of you start keeping secrets from each other, watch it, you are drifting from great soul mates to mere roommates. You can share same room/bed without sharing same bond. Do you know what is happening lately to your spouse or you are so consumed with your personal project that you hardly notice? Do you hear the silent sobs of your sweetheart late in the night beside you on the bed or you are busy in the dream land always and fail to notice? Do you at all notice the winkles on your spouse’s face which your constant nagging and complains caused? I guess you don’t, yet you want him/her to fall in the mood of ‘love-making’ at the snap of your fingers.

Dear single lady, he needs to first be your soul mate before he can qualify to be your bed mate. Don’t de-value yourself; if he loves you enough he will wait to put the ring on your finger before making you the mother of his kids. Abstinence (for the singles) is not old fashioned but God-fashioned. Don’t phase out what God put in place least you see His wrath.


Don’t touch my body too

ImageMy heart is touched at the great responses I received to the first part of this message; don’t touch my body and it is a confirmation that lot of kids close to us are either still being abused daily or are still struggling from the bruises sustained from previous abuse(s).

I am so concerned with the after effect of the abuse as many never get total healing from the hurts, bruises or damage done to their self esteem. This episode is to address the hurt, bruises and suggest helps that victims of sexual abuse can use.

A wise man once said, “A problem is half solved when it is shared.” Not every victim of sexual abuse will be rescued by an observant teacher as it happened in Princess’ case (refer to: DON’T TOUCH MY BODY…. on my blog); but many will get help if they can confide in a counselor or a mentor who can provide help and address the situation.

No matter the abuse you have been through, you need to understand that it hurts God to see you go through such ordeal and it breaks His heart to see you still struggling with the bruises of the maltreatment. Whatever might have happened to you in the past has not reduced your value because you are wonderfully and fearfully made. You are a master piece and nothing on earth can change that. It does happen that when you allow your heart to be defeated by what happened to you, you may think less of yourself and then your self esteem is affected. You are not inferior no matter what happened to you. It is only a passing phase of your life which will also pass. 

Can you begin to speak positively to your life? Wake up every day and look into the mirror, speak greatness to the person you see. Declare that; “I am great, I have a glorious future, I have a glorious destiny, I am original, I am a designer’s make, configured for the best. No matter what I have been through, God is going to see me through. The top is my place and I will get there.”

Friend, don’t just say those words, believe them, register them in your mind and live them. Whatever you think has a way of affecting your life. It is possible that you remember the ordeal at times, the scars may still be there but you have to refuse to live in your past. Whatever happened is in your yesterday and you need to de-register it from your ‘thinking system’ if you want to forge ahead. I love the tweets of @Kirkfranklin which reads: I’m so glad God doesn’t hold my past against me while he works on my future. #grace

He further ‘tweeted’: Matter of fact, He worked my future out before my past was even present! #moregrace.

Have you ever prayed to God about it? You need to because He cares. I Peter 5:7. He has a way of touching the wounded and broken hearts. Where psychologists and doctors fail, He prevails. He heals invincible wounds and scars, because He is the Creator, we call Him the Great Physician.

One thing you must also note is the people you share your past with. Be careful who you share your ordeal with, some friends are not equipped to help you pass through what you are experiencing, and they end up complicating the issue. They may sympathize with you and later turn to tale bearers behind you, so watch it. Only confide and seek counsel from able hands. 

That you were mal-handled by a man/woman does not mean every other person will treat you same way. There are good people who will treat you right and celebrate you. There are times that it may be necessary to leave the environment that reminds you of previous hurts and abuse; this is good for your mind and self esteem. 

More importantly, we are responsible for every child that is being abused around us, if we cannot do anything to help, there are authorities, non-governmental organizations and human right activists that will go to any extent to take care of the situation, report to them. Everyone has a part to play in sanitizing our environment; it begins with you and me.