My Spouse’s Ex

ImageDavid’s parents never supported his relationship with Leah from day one. It took a lot of pressure, personal conviction and confirmation from God before David decided to put an end to their four years courtship. However, it was only in David’s heart that the relationship was over; he couldn’t face Leah to tell her. They were each other’s first love and he remembered promising her to always be there for her no matter what happens. David always found it difficult to hurt people’s feelings, especially those he loved dearly; but in this situation, it was so crystal clear that God wanted him to move on in life but definitely not with Leah.

Not so long after, he met Treasure whom he fell in love with. He loved almost everything about her. He took his time to ask her out and she gave her consent to their lives together. It was after Treasure gave a yes to his proposal that David told her about his ex; Leah, he told her that he did not end the relationship verbally with her but in due time she should discern his distance means he is no more interested. Treasure was not happy that he didn’t end it with his ex verbally but David re-assured her that there won’t be any issue.

In a short while, Leah found out and confronted David who confirmed that he had met somebody else.  Leah was so bitter she almost committed suicide, she reminded David of his endless promises to her. David begged her and promised to still remain her friend. To fulfill his promise, she mandated him to call her everyday until she gets over the whole trauma. He promised he will and also told his fiancée; Treasure, about it all. Treasure felt there was no big deal in the daily call to Leah since it was for her to get over her broken relationship with David.

David and Treasure are now married; Treasure discovered her husband still calls Leah and that realization has made her very sad. There were times that she had caught him receiving calls outside their home and when she walks up to him suddenly, he usually has guilt written all over his face. Let me chip it in here that throughout his relationship with Leah, he never slept with her, yes! He is from a familywith strong moral values that believe abstinence from sex before marriage is not negotiable.

Your Ex is your past; don’t empower it to trouble your present and future. Singles must be careful not to believe love is blind and then fail to notice any form of anomaly during their courtship, there are some things that need to be dealt with while courting. If you caress and pamper those things instead of addressing them, they will grow very strong and contend with you in marriage.

So he/she flirts with someone else while you are courting and you feel comfortable with it because he has fixed the wedding date between you two? You are playing with fire. An Ex is an old flame that has the power to start up a new fire of emotions in you if you refuse to create the necessary distance. If your fiancé/fiancée sees nothing wrong in telling ‘small’ lies now in courtship, marriage to him/her won’t stop that behavior. Some spinsters and bachelors need serious ‘overhauling’ of their behavior before they are fit for marriage.  Dear single sister, if you attracted him with your beauty, you will need good character to retain him. Parents, let’s train our kids well because an attractive lady without morals and manners will make a mess of her husband and home. A handsome man who has a problem zipping up will end up in disgrace. It is true that there is no perfect spouse but discipline is critical. Let your ex remain your ex; your spouse is too precious to be disturbed with a past that didn’t end well.

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Forget me Not….the concluding part (Love Story)

Ade has been distressed for days…his mind need to be fixed. Two women are fighting for his heart, he needs to choose one of them and each decision has a cost. He decided to cool off by going for a drink with his office friend, Akin. His friend saw that he was in a bad state, trying to drink himself to stupor; it was at this point that Akin noticed that something was eating Ade up. He didn’t need to ask before Ade poured out his mind. He was betrothed to Adun via blood covenant; he has been asked out by Wura, his benefactor; he is in a dilemma.

Akin told his friend what he would have done if he happens to find himself in that same shoe. “Marry Adun the love of your life and keep dating Wura for her wealth, keep scouting for a new job and once you get a better job, leave Wura”.

Ade started his relationship with Wura as he kept the preparation in top gear for his traditional wedding with Adun in the village. He went for his introduction, lying to Wura that he needed to rush home to see his parents who were missing him. She opted to go with him as his fiancée but he promised her that she would soon meet them at a later date. Ade plan is simple, get married to Adun and still keep her in the village with his parents for the meantime while he arranges to get a better job, change accommodation and say goodbye to Wura before bringing Adun to live with him in the city.

Everything was put in place to make the wedding the talk of Iremide village and its environs as there was plenty food and drink for everyone, it was the village one-time best dancer getting married to the first person ever to have won scholarship from Iremide’s village. It was the wedding of the village celebrities. Traditional rulers from the neighboring town were invited since the couples’ fathers were ‘titled’ chiefs.

It was the wedding day, drums rolled, palm wine kegs exchanged hands and several dishes of food were made. The couple was joined by the traditional ruler and different prayers uttered for them. It was dancing time and everyone was responding to the rhythm of music when a convoy of cars arrived at the venue. Ade must have made it big in the city to have company of friends coming from far and near, just another set of great friends, the villagers thought, as men in suit got down from each of the cars. Three men in black suit approached the last car in the convoy to open the door, only for Wura to step out in black shades accompanied by Akin, Ade’s office friend. Ade was frightened, how on earth could Ade do this to him?
Wura did not waste time, neither did she need any other evidence to confirm all that Akin told her, she targeted Ade’s right leg and shot it many times. The villagers did not need the town crier to announce that the wedding was over; Ade lost so much blood and passed out as he was being rushed to the health care centre. Wura and her convoy left for the city immediately. Fortunately, the visiting doctor from a big hospital in town was at the health centre with one of his friends who happens to be a surgeon to check-out an influential patient who was due for operation later in the week. Ade was rushed to the theatre immediately after observing that all hope was not yet lost on him.

Ade’s life was saved but his right leg was not because it had to be amputated for him to live. He needed nobody to tell him that he has lost his job also and he did not have the courage to go back to the city to look for a job because of his physical state. Adun was distressed and unhappy when she heard that Ade had been double dating but she cannot marry anyone else as long as Ade is still alive. She has to learn to carry her cross with a smile. Wura was wrongly informed that Ade died and she couldn’t come to terms with the fact that she was deceived by the person she loved. She attempted suicide and was saved by the timely intervention of her Personal Assistant who saw her taking an over-dose of drugs; she was rushed to the hospital but started suffering from depression after her treatment.

The quality of our relationship depends on the kind of association we build around us. It is popularly said, “show me your friend, and I will tell you who you are”. Ade’s friend who gave him a bad advice was the same person who reported his deceit to Wura. “He who walks with the wise shall be wise, but the companion of fools shall be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20). If your partner double-dates in courtship, he/she will cheat on you in marriage. So the question is who is your ‘bestie’ now? Whose counsel are you listening to? Who is mentoring your love life? Think about it.

Forget Me Not – A Love Story

In the cool of the evening, Adun quietly walk down to the spot where she usually meets her lover. It’s under the shade of a big mango tree, behind the village square. He is the only guy that swept her off feet. Funny enough, she is just fifteen and her boyfriend who is two years older than her has just won a s’cholarship to study in the city. She is scared of losing him, because not only is he very handsome, he is also a genius and the pride of their village. He has however promised that nothing could part them both. She hopes he would make true his promise. She was still deep in thoughts when Ade startled her by jumping in her front. Obviously he knew she was deep in thoughts and he had to do that to bring her back to the present.

They hugged, looked into each other’s eyes and burst into laughter. They were best of friends, and they’ve been like that for the past two years. She has been the beauty queen of Iremide village, always gaining the attention of young bachelors in town because of her fair complexion and physique. Not only is she beautiful, she is also a great dancer, she has always won the dancing competition for her village for the past five years and this had made her so popular.
Their relationship is known to both families because they are usually seen together since she started college, though she has a year to finish secondary school, Ade however graduated some months back and won one of the three scholarships for their local government to go and study in the prestigious University of Lagos. It was a great jubilation the previous day when the news broke out that Ade had the highest score in the scholarship examination, that of course made the village of Iremide more popular as there are ten villages under that local government.

“Promise me someone else won’t take my place in your heart as you go to the city”, Adun said looking straight into Ade’s eyes. “Cross my heart darling, you make my world go round…no else will take your place”. There was silence between them as Adun feared that he will soon forget her once he gets to the city. “Make me believe you”, she replied….doubts written all over her face. As if he has prepared for this, he removed a sharp object from his pocket, made a cut on his left thumb to the shock of his girl friend….”Here, promise you will wait for me, because I can’t afford to lose you, my beauty queen”, he made her lick the blood oozing from his thumb as she vowed to remain faithful and wait for his return.. “Babe, I have to cut your thumb too”…. “ooouch”, she sighed as he made a cut on her left thumb. “I make a vow today to love you as long as I live, I will never make love to another woman apart from you…I will come back for you and make you my wife.”

Ade went to the city of Lagos for his studies and he never stopped writing to Adun. He also tries to call her once in a while. In school, he excelled as he usually end up being one of the top three every semester. Adun finished her secondary school and went for computer training in a town not too far from the village. In less than a year, she started working as a secretary in the newly established school in her village. She needed to be close to her ageing parents so she had to work not far from home. The moment she started working, suitors started coming. She turned them down…She has a focus…she has a suitor who she has promised to wait for…there’s certainly no going back. Two years later, Ade finished school and completed his mandatory youth service. Pressures came from all side for Adun to get married, especially when the rich suitors came in, she refused to be distracted. Ade made it a point of duty to check her in the village anytime he has the means and time, they promised to wait for each other.
Things however did not turn out as Ade anticipated after his youth service, there was no job. He was only given a scholarship, he wasn’t promised automatic employment. So, the job hunt continued for more than a year, as Adun was putting pressure on him to come and pay her bride price, his siblings and parents were also waiting on him to help lighten the financial burden back at home. Adun would weep for so long at nights till early hours of the morning, if only she has enough money to take care of them both, she would advise him to marry her straight away, but she could not make ends meet.

It was not long after this that Ade met Wura, she seems like a God-sent, he only assisted her once to recover a lost item…and that did the magic, she became indebted to Ade. She talked to her dad who runs a group of companies and within a couple of months got him a ‘juicy’ job. Adun was the first to hear the good news, Ade had to tell her so as to put her mind at rest and make her start preparing for their wedding. It was like a dream coming true for both of them, until Wura proposed to Ade. It was a rude shock for him as he never expected a relationship in exchange of her influence in getting him a job. Wura is the only child of her parents, Ade has a lot to gain by marrying her, his days of penury and joblessness will be over. He even has a prospect of being the CEO of the group of companies in the nearest future…but what about Adun? He has vowed with his blood to make love to no other woman as long as Adun is alive…

God does not joke with vows. Numbers 30:2 attests to this. God emphatically instructs that you should never make a vow if you know you will not keep to it. Vows are strong and bonds the parties involved until death parts them. Why make a vow to a babe/guy when you are not at the altar exchanging marital vows? Don’t put a seal on your destiny with someone now when you are not sure you are going to end up with same person.
Great relationships are not strings-attached, if you marry him/her because of beauty or material possessions, what is the future of such relationship if beauty fades and materials vanish? Blood covenant is deep, spiritual and powerful, don’t enter into it with someone in the name of assuring him/her of your commitments. It has great consequence when breeched. If someone made a promise to marry you and fails, it is not the end of life, don’t commit suicide, someone better is on the way who will keep to his/her promise!