Together Forever

ImageThis is an open love letter to my spouse and best friend, Festus Olu Alao on our fifth (5th) Wedding Anniversary on 20th December, 2013.

King, it is almost unbelievable that we are five years in marriage and still running. It has been thirteen years of knowing you; four years of friendship with you, four years of dating you and five years of being your wife and lover.

I still remember 23rd October, 2004 when you proposed to me in my father’s house (smiles). I cannot actually remember giving a yes to your proposal, all I just knew was that we started our courtship a few days later and courted for four good years. I actually did not know you came to propose on that day. Our parents have been best of friends, so you naturally became a family friend but I never imagined myself becoming your wife.

You had come over that beautiful day to check on my dad who was ‘strong’, having learnt of the state of his health from your dad. We got talking about each other’s successes. You asked how I had been coping after the ‘broken courtship’ I had; you knew about it because our parents had a way of sharing information about us with one another. Then you asked a very important question, “What qualities do you look out for in the man you want to marry”. In the spirit of ‘gist’ with a close family friend and brother I ‘ranted’ three qualities I hold dear in my heart. So I said: First, I desire a man who has vision. I knew I had a call on my life and I couldn’t be happy living with a man who has no idea why he was created. Secondly, I desire a man who yearns deeply for God. I know a God-fearing man will obey God’s word to the letter and would do me no evil but good all his days and thirdly, my desire is to marry a handsome man (all smiles). Above all, I had made up my mind that no matter how deep I feel for a man, I will never say yes to him unless I receive God’s consent to go ahead.   

I remember you asked me immediately if you have all those qualities I stated; it was then I realised you had come all the way to ask me out and I had said so much already in words to a prospective suitor. I told you to give me time to sort it out with my God because despite the beautiful feelings I have for you, I cannot give a yes if God says no. I had a bad experience in my previous relationship and I had determined that in future, I would wait for God’s approval before saying yes to any man. 

I remember the first love poem I wrote to you, a few days into our courtship, titled “you’re my dream come true”. I recall you had it typed and laminated, you also had it in your briefcase for months. I may not have been presented with expensive gifts during our courtship days but I cherish your love, respect and attention. Thanks for treating me like royalty.

The respect you show me is reflected in the way I am treated where people hold you in high esteem. Thank you for waking up the sleeping giant in me. You challenged me to become a professional. I became a Chartered Accountant after getting married to you. Thanks for introducing me back to the pulpit; I was so passionate about becoming the best wife and mother that I hardly found time to teach God’s word in church. Exactly three years after our wedding, you gave me the privilege to preach in our church during bible study and that was the beginning of my great moments. You marveled at the depth of God’s words in me and you never stopped giving me more opportunities to speak God’s word.

I am always humbled when I hear your male protégés say they pray they marry a wife like me. Your female siblings and teenage sisters in the church are always so proud to call me their mentor, I am so grateful. I am not a perfect bride; just the same way I have some things I would love you to improve on, I seek daily to become a better wife for you. We both are imperfect and we are honest to admit this to each other. We are however so proud to have a perfect God who is committed to helping us become better day after day. Thank you for encouraging me not to give up on us even when challenges push us so hard. You do not know how fulfilled I feel anytime you call me “My Coach”, especially after our regular relationship talks and assessment of how healthy our union is. Your humility and simplicity motivates me. Thank you for being so excited about the super woman I am evolving into daily. You are my hero!

 Permit me to renew my vow to you in Ruth’s voice to Naomi with these words, “…don’t ask me to go away from you, or to go back without you: for where you go I will go; and where you take your rest I will take my rest; your people will be my people and your God my God.”


Much ado about sex in marriage

ImageHave you ever wondered why a sexually eager spouse is married to someone who is not too excited about sex? Do you know a couple or couples who are about to give up on their marriage because of sex issues? Tell them to hang on and read up this piece before making any serious decision.

Myles Munroe, in his book, The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage has this to say: Marriage involves commitment. Sex has very little to do with commitment; it is a 100-percent physical response to physiological and biochemical stimuli. Sex is one expression of commitment in marriage, but it never creates commitment. By itself, sex neither makes nor breaks a marriage. Marriage is broader and deeper than sex, and transcends it. Marriage is perhaps one percent sex; the rest is ordinary, everyday life. If you marry for sex, how are you going to handle the other 99 percent?

In case you don’t agree with Myles Munroe that the importance of sex in marriage is as low as one percent, let us raise the bar to five percent. If then marriage is five percent sex, how will you handle the remaining ninety-five percent of what marriage entails if you marry because of sex. I always tell singles that if your inability to control your sexual urge is the main reason why you decide to marry, then you have gotten wrong the whole concept of marriage. This is because your spouse will not be available 24/7 to satisfy your sexual cravings. Work or occasion may cause you to drift apart for a short while, so ‘if you no fit hold body’ or learn how to control your sexual cravings, you may likely ‘screw up’ in marriage.

You deserve thumbs up and a pat on the back if you are married and you are on the same page sexually with your spouse. That means you largely do not have issues when it comes to satisfying each other’s sexual cravings. On the other hand, if you are married to someone who seems not to be excited about sex or ready for sex when you are ‘in the mood’, then we need to talk.

I want to believe that you loved your spouse so much before walking down the aisle with him/her, so what happened? Why have you drifted from being great lovers to just friends? Sex is a deep, sweet communication between a man and his wife; it is only healthy in marriage. That seriously means if a married couple do not find time to make love often, they will drift apart emotionally. Sex helps couples connect at the deepest level beyond description, covenant between married couples are always renewed each time they make love.

You can have sex with anyone, even a prostitute, but you can only make love to someone you adore, cherish, respect and feel so deeply in love with. So one of the reasons why your sex life is dragging may be that you have fallen out of love with your spouse. Sometimes, this is possible if you are distracted by someone else who appeals so much to you that you do not mind sharing your deepest intimate moments with; you may be transferring all the emotions that need to be bestowed on your spouse to your new ‘catch’.

What if your husband wants a change in your body shape or size? Please make a conscious effort to work on it because men are easily aroused by what they see. A woman on the other hand needs her emotions and feelings to be fed always with attention and care. A woman you do not connect with emotionally may disconnect sexually.

Now if two sexually eager partners get married as a couple and they enjoy sex a whole lot, they may engage in sex so much that other areas of their marriage that need their attention begin to suffer or lag. On the other hand, if the man and his wife are both not interested in sex, they may do without it for a long time and this will invariably affect their emotional connection and communication; they may stop being lovers and drift to just being friends.  

Marriage needs maintenance, so does your sex life. Therefore, if your partner is less interested in sex, you are in the best position to motivate him/her or learn how to get him/her in the mood. Love him/her the way he/she wants to be loved. Knowing his/her love languages will go a long way. You both will need to talk about it and be honest with one another. This is why I encourage couples to do self-assessment with each other as often as possible to ascertain the healthiness or otherwise of their relationship. In some instances, for example when talking about it is yielding no result, or when you are not making progress while working at it, you may need to book an appointment with a certified sex therapist.

God encourages that you enjoy the wife of your youth. You are not permitted to stop loving that spouse of yours after saying “Yes I do”. It is well with your marriage. I value you greatly.

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When a loved one dies…

ImageOur prayer is that our loved one should not die but what if it happens, are we gonna ‘kill’ God for it?


When dad passed away some years ago we thought we were also going to lose mum because she refused to be consoled. She has just lost a soul mate. We tried all our best to comfort her although she re-assures us with smiles but deep down in her heart we saw that she was bleeding and fading away. We rallied round her and told her how hard it will be if she decides to leave so soon too knowing I am an only child. 


Yes as mum was being comforted, I had a great challenge to stand strong, I have just lost a biological and spiritual father, a mentor and my best friend, one I could tell everything being an only child. My fiance now my spouse was around then and he and dad were just so close and yes we had to delay our wedding for two more years in respect of the man who believed most in the success of our relationship. Things were never the same again after the death of my father.


As we summoned up courage to make sure the ministry, legacy and church he left behind continues, we also kept encouraging mum how dad will be so proud of her if she decides to keep living to fulfil purpose just as he did.


One of my foremost mentor lost his pretty young wife few years back and as most people begin to ask question why God would allow that happen to His servant, some of us knew how she had pulled through severe heart disease and did not allow that affect her impact on the lives of youths and children at large, she was a beautiful soul. I was more concerned later how my mentor would pull through life for he was so knitted together with his wife, they preached and was always going out together as her health permits. She was indeed the Lord’s Leading Lady.


My prayer then has always been that God would strengthen him and help him not to fall in the traps of Delilah as he is a man loved by so many. Not too long after a big memorial service for his late wife in which two of her unpublished books were released and a foundation inaugurated in her name, my mentor announced in church that he is going to marry again and he disclosed the identity of the woman he is now in love with.


That stirred up rumour as the press couldn’t believe how a young widower like him would decide to settle for a single mother of two. Now listen, who dared question God when He decided to put Rahab, Bathseba, Ruth and Tamar in Jesus’ lineage? To us, these women did not qualify but God thought otherwise, He uses the foolish things of this world to confuse the wise as He shows His mercy to whom He deems it fit; those were the exact words I sent to my mentor’s new wife to be. Anybody that has a problem with her marrying a man of God because of her past should go and sue God for it.


I put a text message across to my mentor and it reads, “My prayer for you since you lost your pretty wife is that God would heal your heart and help you love again and He did it. I am not moved by what the press is saying, I am in no position to judge you for the kind of woman you decide to settle with, I know you know what you’re doing and you’ll not settle for anyone whom your late wife will not be proud of where she is. My prayer is that great seeds will come out of your loins via your new wife. I’ll keep praying for you as you take this giant step to a new phase of your life.”


He replied almost immediately with this text, “God bless you for those words, they came at the right time, you don’t have greatly they have encouraged me and yes your words are a confirmation of what God just told me. God bless you woman of God”.


A lot of times we have compounded the hurt of the bereaved instead of helping them heal. Our words are so powerful, our motives need to be directed well least we do more harm than good to the people we are meant to hold their hands to cross a phase of their lives. I have seen couples who lost a young child and instead of mourning for life, they put a foundation in remembrance of her to support other kids who are suffering from same cancer she died of. It is painful to lose a loved one but when it happens let us do what will beautify their memory not what will tarnish it. Let me encourage you now to live your life fully in pursuit of purpose so that when you die people will be sad that a great hero is gone; don’t let it be that the world will be celebrating at your demise because of the trouble you caused.


Earlier this year, my first cousin Dorcas Philips and I put together a solid gospel musical concert in my late dad’s church to celebrate his 7years memorial service. It was colourful, his numerous proteges were around, some of the lives that were impacted through his ministry were full of joy as they celebrate a man who has touched their lives positively. My mum was there as she is still alive and strong doing exploits for God. We no longer cry when we remember dad but always full of joy for a life well spent.


Dad was not there when I was inducted as a Chartered Accountant but he will be so proud of his baby girl wherever he is and he will be so fulfilled that I am pursuing God’s call for my life. My mentor has married the lady he chose and they are beautiful together.


My dear friend, we may not be able to prevent a loved one from dying but we can live our lives so beautifully well to make their memory and what they stand for touch lives positively even after their demise. The ball is in your court. I value you greatly.


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Before You walk down the Aisle

ImageI hope you know that marriage life need greater investment than the wedding day. The wedding day is a ceremony of few hours while marriage life which begins immediately after the wedding entails countless hours culminating into many years which I term forever.


It is better you dot your I(s) and cross your. T(s) before walking down the aisle with him/her. I want to believe you know your future spouse’s temperament? So let me ask you, ‘can you cope with him/her?’ Until you are able to satisfactorily answer that question, I bet you’re ill prepared for the marriage life. 


Temperament is a natural behavioural pattern. It depicts how someone behaves. Your spouse can either be SANGUINE, CHOLERIC, MELANCHOLIC or PHLEGMATIC according to a proto-psychological theory, although it is possible for someone to have a mixture of the types.


A SANGUINE is pleasure-seeking and sociable and so enjoys talking much. A CHOLERIC on the other hand is ambitious and leader-like in nature so they are ruthless and may seems to cause trouble. A MELANCHOLIC is analytical and thoughtful, they think more than they talk. A PHLEGMATIC is relaxed and quiet, s/he is a lay back person.


There are however no bad or good temperament. Take for instance, you don’t need to be put off by a SANGUINE because s/he talks too much, what if s/he makes sure that the talks are so loaded with sense and not rubbish. There are lot of people making impact via their talks. There is no temperament that cannot be managed and harnessed for the best. I strongly recommend that you read SPIRIT CONTROLLED TEMPERAMENT by Tim & Beverly Lahaye; you should also read WHY YOU BEHAVE THE WAY YOU DO by Tim Lahaye.


Did I hear you say you’re married to a man who has issue with his temper and who enjoys throwing tantrums? Let me help you with this, I read a story in one of one Local Language Text(Yoruba Language- Nigeria) in my elementary school . A wife who was desperate in winning her husband’s heart over visited a native love doctor to get a love charm she can use on her spouse. The love doctor needed only one ingredient, fresh milk from a lioness.


The woman was bent of winning her spouse over and she devised the means of getting the ingredient. She kicked a goat, spice it up and made her way to a thick forest where a lioness can be found. On sighting the lioness from afar, she threw the spiced meat bit by bit from the distance till she exhausted her stock.


She did it for the next 21 days and each day she moves closer to the lioness which at this time has recognise her as its good friend. On the 21st day, she took the bold step to touch the lioness and softly tap its milk. Mission accomplished, she made her way quickly to the native doctor who was stunned when she narrated how she was able to milk the almighty lioness.


The native doctor wasted no time in telling her that she is the best love charm that can work for her spouse. She was urged to go and use same patience and wisdom she applied in milking the lioness on her spouse. Hmm what an advice! The writings of Apostle Paul to the Galatians chapter 5 verses 22 and 23 listed the fruit of the Spirit which are: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance. 


If you possess the above, there is no one you can’t live it. I have seen the hardest heart melt at the feel of love. Go an extra mile for him/her. I know there is something about that man/woman that made you fell in love in the first place. Harness that spot again, rekindle that flame of love, the fruit of Spirit enables you to harness the strength in your spouse’s temperament and yours! You may however have to give your life to Jesus before you can ‘grow’ the fruit of the Spirit. May your marriage be Eden on earth!


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Now that you’re Married…

ImageNow that you are married…know that it is the beginning of forever! You may not be used to wearing your wedding band as you count months/years in your union but you must get used to carrying out your marital responsibilities promptly.


My ‘hubby’ has gotten used to the fact that I can’t leave home to the office without him serving me ‘tonnes’ of hugs. That is my configuration. Do you know your spouse’s configuration? I will never get tired of talking about Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages because lot of marriages are in shambles because they do not take their spouse’s love language(s) serious.


Your emotions must be alive and active as a man if you want to enjoy your wife and marriage because women are so emotional in nature. Some women express extreme happiness, sadness, excitement and surprises with tears streaming down their face. So my dear Groom, you need to be well prepared to see those tears often. Shouting on her or getting angry because of this may cause more tears. Those times, what she needs are hugs, words of comfort, kisses and praises. I hope you are ready to keep making your spouse happy per seconds. That’s exactly what you signed for when you said ‘I do’ to him/her. You have to keep being a ‘learner’ as per anything that relates to your spouse. You have to keep learning what will make your home heaven on earth. 


I hope you are ready to keep waking up everyday to see the face of that person you walked down the aisle with beside you? The way you handle/treat your spouse will determine whether s/he will get more pretty/handsome as you count your marital years together.


Marriage is all about commitment, responsibilities and staying faithful to the marital vows. Not to scare you, but there are times that you may need to hold your spouse to support him/her go through a phase of life. That is why two are better than one. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)



Be ready to inconvenient yourself at times to make your spouse happy. And when the honeymoon is “over”…it is not meant to be over because it is meant to be a daily experience. I mean when the holidays are over and you need to resume at work or in your office, don’t stop those romantic calls and messages. You have to keep telling your spouse how much you love him/her till you lost count of the times you have said it in a day. Don’t stop springing up beautiful surprises to spice up your spouse’s life. 


Don’t ever dare to fall ‘out of love’ with your spouse and don’t ever get so close to someone of the opposite sex that your relationship with your spouse begins to suffer.


You will need time out together as often as possible. It helps relationship become better. Learn to do an assessment on your relationship either monthly or quarterly. Ask your spouse, “are we better than we were last month/quarter?” This will serve as check mate and if you discover your relationship is worse than it used to be; don’t be calm about it. The serpent that crept into the Garden of Eden to disrupt the first beautiful family ever has not resigned. Don’t give that serpent a chance, seek help if need be; go for a retreat together,read books, articles and listen to pod casts/messages that will make your relationship better. You may need to talk to a seasoned marriage counsellor and above all learn to always talk about your marriage to the founder of marriage…GOD. He is so much interested in our relationship and He wants us to enjoy and not endure it. Make your home an Eden. 


Success in your relationship is my utmost concern…I look forward to answer your questions. I value you greatly. I can be reached on BB PIN: 29E55A9A

Bedmate or Soulmate?

ImageLara always looks forward to her intimate moments with Lekan. He sure knows how to send shivers down her spine with his touch, kisses, cuddles and romance. This minute he is busy making love to her, an hour later, he beats her like a punching bag. Yes, he buys her gifts when he is in a happy mood, yet he never misses raining abusive words on her once she makes any mistake. He pulls her down emotionally and psychologically when in a bad mood despite promising her marriage….watch it, he is just a bedmate and not a soul mate.

Bedmates are common, easy to meet and flirt around with. They easily toy with their partner’s emotions; a soul mate values his/her partner and does not toy with his/her emotions. When you are a soul mate, you don’t mistreat your partner because doing so is like driving a hammer straight into your heart.

You go wrong when you start sleeping with someone you are not married to. This is because sex be-clouds you from discovering all you need to know about your partner and makes you more concerned about satisfying your cravings. Take God’s candid advice; don’t sleep together until you are married to each other. Dear girlfriend, don’t pack into his house thinking you are already his fiancée. To him, you may still be a mere friend and nothing more.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Do you still connect with your spouse like when you first got married? How healthy is your relationship? I know you share same bed but do your hearts bond as one? It is possible you are sleeping together regularly yet your heart is flirting with some secret admirers or colleague. Some couples bear grudges, keep malice and yet sleep on same bed, so strange. That you both are married does not qualify you as soul mates. Marriages turn out great and successful when couples learn to be soul mates rather than mere bed mates.

A soul mate prays for you whether you are achieving success or not. He/she is your cheer leader come thick or thin. Your pain becomes theirs because you are bonded by one cause which is to finish strong together. If both of you start keeping secrets from each other, watch it, you are drifting from great soul mates to mere roommates. You can share same room/bed without sharing same bond. Do you know what is happening lately to your spouse or you are so consumed with your personal project that you hardly notice? Do you hear the silent sobs of your sweetheart late in the night beside you on the bed or you are busy in the dream land always and fail to notice? Do you at all notice the winkles on your spouse’s face which your constant nagging and complains caused? I guess you don’t, yet you want him/her to fall in the mood of ‘love-making’ at the snap of your fingers.

Dear single lady, he needs to first be your soul mate before he can qualify to be your bed mate. Don’t de-value yourself; if he loves you enough he will wait to put the ring on your finger before making you the mother of his kids. Abstinence (for the singles) is not old fashioned but God-fashioned. Don’t phase out what God put in place least you see His wrath.


How to remain your wife’s best friend for life

It is so great to know that you got married to your best friend because most people do. However, it is not good at all if after few years both of you can’t connect so well or be so much in love like it used to be when you first got married. Lot of responsibilities and commitments may get you so busy that if care is not taken you’ll hardly create enough time for your spouse…this is detrimental to your love life and marriage. Here are a few tips to keep the flame of your love burning and rekindled always with your spouse.

Share her ideas

You need to understand that your wife is a wonderful creature and in the womb of her mind lies wonderful ideas that can help every bit of your life become better. Let her share her ideas with you about your business, ministry or projects. She may really want to start up something of her own like daycare, school, help ministry….encourage her great dreams…motivate her. Listen to her views and opinions of your plans…you may not necessarily agree with her but respect her points…make her feel as the most important person in your life after God…because that is how it’s supposed to be. Don’t discourage her great ideas only for someone outside to appreciate it.

Share her Vision

Your wife was created not only to womb babies but to also carry great visions. She is a vision carrier just like Mary who ‘wombed’ the Savior. Imagine how the testimony of salvation would have been if Joseph vehemently refused to accept the vision of Mary being the mother of Jesus. Your woman has been created to meet an economic need, to solve a community problem and to affect her environment and nation like Dorcas, Esther and Deborah. You have to be beside her to mentor her and lead her right. Give her the motivation she needs to push her out of her comfort zone.

Share her Interests

It is so obvious that many men love to watch sports or read the newspapers or rather listen to news on the TV; but as a man, have you ever taken time to know your wife’s interests? Do you at all know what she enjoys doing? Find out what she loves doing and do it with her even if for the fun of it; this will help the bond between you to be stronger. Sing with her, dance with her, go places with her…it may just be to stroll together. Two cannot walk together except they agree (Amos 3:3). Both of you can find a common interest and enjoy it together. Two people cannot go on a journey together if one is heading towards South while the other wish to travel to the North. Win your babe’s heart over and over again by showing interest in her interests.

Share her Chores

If your wife’s love language is acts of service, you will have to do your marriage a great favor by finding time to assist her at home even if it is the little things like helping her to lift something from one place to the other. No work should be too big for you to do for your spouse. Culture should not dictate to you what you should and shouldn’t do for your spouse. You only have to find out what makes her happy and you do it for her. One of the daughters’ of the Priest of Midian eventually became Moses’ wife and this not just happened; prior to that Moses helped his wife-to-be and her sisters when they came to draw water from the well. He even helped them to water their father’s flock. (Exodus 2:16-17)
How often do you assist your wife? There are some things that you could easily do while she handles some other things. Remain her best friend for life…don’t distant yourself from her to the extent that she starts feeling your absence and start confiding in a third party. Stay by her, value her, cherish her, support her and maintain her beauty…don’t overload her with home chores to the extent that she gets worn-out. Make her be the model you want…the way you ‘use’ her will determine the way she appears in public…if she is no longer attractive like she used to when you first got married….it’s your fault. Let her take time-out sometimes from the house chores…take her out…celebrate her….she is the mother of your kids….your better half.

Share her Challenges

Your wife go through lot of challenges…she goes through a cycle every month and this may cause mood swings. So sometimes she may be in her low points, such times she may not be too friendly. Do not shout on her during these periods…you need to read her like a book to know when she needs you to understand her moods. She is a ‘multi-stage’ personality. Share her joy, pain, tears and laughter, through her waiting period to her conception season, the childbirth time, the weaning of the babies and when the menopause period comes. Her cycle has been built that way and she needs your full support to grow old together with you gracefully. She wants to remain your best friend for life and you need to be a part of her life in whatever she does for this to happen. Don’t be left behind, be carried along, don’t wait till you hear of her exploits from a third-party or from the media before you know that your wife is a celebrity. See the future in her now. Wake up the sleeping giant in her…remain her best friend for life!

The theory of the missing rib


I remember that almost every subject I was taught in college have one or more theories backing it up. Going through the greatest wise book I discovered that the subject of marriage is not exempted too. Amidst the theories on which marriage is based is the theory of the missing rib. This was propounded in Genesis 2:22 – 23 which says” And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, He made a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said this is now bone of my bones….”

Let me start by telling you that the theory of the missing rib is real. The woman was specifically created to complete the man. Yes, man enjoyed God’s presence and companionship in the Garden of Eden but there was a vacuum that needed to be filled in man’s life by someone who was made from him and that looks like him in another way; there comes the woman. That definitely means that for every Adam, there’s always “an” Eve. This also means you have the tendency to attract your type into your life. I love the way the Old King James version of the bible usually puts it “And this begets this”…. You have the ability to attract your quality in person.  So whoever you have in your life now is the person your quality was able to attract, so dear, don’t blame your partner alone for how things turn out to be in your relationship. It therefore means if you are not currently proud of your relationship, you will need to improve on yourself to be a better person, the better YOU will in turn influence your spouse positively. Divorce is not the way-out, you are the way you. The improved YOU will improve your relationship; this also applies to other ramifications of life, don’t blame your colleagues for bad situations at work or business place until you have first checked yourself and improve yourself to make the situation better. You must check out for the dirt in your eye before you are qualified to point out the dirt in your neighbor’s eye.

A trial and error method in choosing a spouse in the past only attracted Delilah to Samson’s life. Let me put it this way, God’s calculation helps bring your soul mate just as it happened to Adam while your manipulation only attracts Delilah. Oh I do remember that Eve gave her man the apple and this got them driven out of Eden, don’t blame God for that. Adam actually failed to groom his bride and that was the outcome. There is the ‘husband-wife mentorship’ that Adam needed to take Eve through, am sure he got too busy to do the training for her or probably postponed it to another time; and that got too late.  What you teach your wife will reflect in her lifestyle. I hope you remember Ananias and Sapphira in the books of Acts of Apostles chapter 5 (Holy Bible); the guy also failed to mentor his wife rightly. I am so sure he had handed over the steering wheel of the home to his wife because his wife was so bold delivering the ‘lie speech’ she has rehearsed to Apostle Peter. I am sure she gave her husband the suggestions of how the plan would go in concealing the actual facts of their land sales. Of a truth, birds of same feather flock together, great people think alike so also average and poor minded people. It therefore means that if you want to get married to a king, you must be a queen yourself. Live it, cultivate it and dream it till it comes to manifestation. What you don’t think and behave you cannot become.

To my married colleagues, do you know that wonders happen when couples pray together? So no matter your busy schedule always make it a point of duty to pray with your spouse because if one can chase a thousand, two will definitely chase ten thousands together, so says the Holy Scriptures. Great couples win together!

Naked…but not ashamed

Ruth and Boaz has been my favorite couple in the bible and they still maintain same position in my heart. Their lives speak volumes about God’s grace. And yes, I love the way Ruth put those great words to Boaz, she said, “spread your wings of protection over me…” she literally asked Boaz to help cover her nakedness.  She knew she had a past that she is not proud of but she needed her man to believe with her that she has a beautiful future ahead. She knew her spouse been anointed to protect her and groom her to greatness. No wonder Genesis 2:25 carve it like this, “…the man and his wife were naked, but they felt no shame”.

No man or woman is perfect. We all either have a past we hid from or weaknesses we are not proud of. You are her groom so as to help her become a better person. You are his bride to assist in where the need arises. You both have been called to watch each other’s back wildly. You can actually cover your spouse’s nakedness via:

Prayer: Learn to pray for and with your spouse. The fervent prayer of the righteous avails much. If one can chase a thousand, two will chase ten thousands… (The power of synergy) and confirmed by the scriptures. If you have talked to her/him about those habits you do not like and s/he seems to keep doing, sometimes it is not that s/he is stubborn…it may be that s/he is addicted. Addiction of course is not easily broken away from; it takes discipline and conscious effort. When we pray…God hears, remember he is an important member of the marriage team.

Positive Affirmations: Learn to be positive in your words. Never insult or ridicule your spouse because of his/her weakness or past. Don’t be like Michal who insulted her King and husband David in front of his admirers. Boaz never for once reminded Ruth of her ugly past, rather he kept on praising her for being a compassionate, considerate, adorable and hardworking woman. You don’t pull down who you love; rather you praise them and let them know you believe they can become better. Speak to the you that you see in the future…are you also struggling with an habit or weakness…yes you’ve prayed about it…then work it out…speak positive to your life. Look in the mirror and talk back to the person you see…speak greatness….call forth those things which you see not as if they are…bring forth the best “YOU”. You can make it…you can overcome the weakness…believe the same for your spouse and confess it. What we believe and confess is what we become.

Get Help: Some weaknesses need to be addressed…don’t cover it less it become your woe. Talk to counselors…seek professional help…problem shared is half solved. Be there for your spouse, go all the way with him/her…read books that address your issue…take steps that will help you shed the unnecessary weight… if you need to take exercises/ visit the gym often to get your shape back, please do.

You have been called to groom your wife…you have been adorned to build your man.  She may look fragile yet greatness resides in her…you may need to give her a push out of her comfort zone, go ahead do it.

The weaknesses you see sometimes are gold mine in the making if processed, manage and converted well. What you have overcome, is what you can mentor other people on.

Naked but not ashamed means…I can talk to my spouse about anything and not be scared of his judgment, even if he is going to criticize me; it’s going to be a constructive criticism. It also means…I am not going to mask my vulnerability before him…I can be open with him knowing he’ll be there for me to encourage, cover, protect and guide me. That is what marriage is all about…pouring out your all to your soul mate without fear or holding back… knowing you are fully covered.



Married but lonely

I had a time of loneliness few months after I got married. The kind of house my spouse and I desired to live after we got married was some distance away from where we both worked. We loved the house and thought the distance won’t cause any problem until few months after we got married. My spouse would drive for hours to and fro work every day and this weighed down on him. Later on he decided to just be coming home like twice a week because he also has to minister in church at the midweek service and church was closer to his work place than home. I had dreamt of having a spouse that would be around me almost every hour of the day…such huge expectation you think? So, the less of my spouse I see daily; the more devastated I become.  I became so lonely. I have family members around who check on me when I come back from work at night but that couldn’t fill the void my spouse left. It was at this period in my life that I discovered that I had placed so much expectation on my spouse about him being around me all the time and oops he can’t meet up with the expectation because he’s human. It was then I found out that I had given my spouse more priority than an ever present friend, God.

Don’t get it twisted, I had been a Christian all along, but I had actually taken the fact that marriage is a three great cord, lightly. The cord comprises of God, man and his wife; not husband and wife only.  It is beautifully put in the bestselling book of Bishop T.D. Jakes, The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord.

Every member of this cord has their functions and when one of them is excluded, the vacuum will be felt. It was at this time, I discovered that God will always be there whenever my spouse is not. Loneliness is not cured by the presence of another person in your life. Once you cannot overcome loneliness while single, you may be married yet remain lonely. You can be so busy alone and feel as if you have a company of a whole lot of people with you. Build your self esteem. If you are struggling with loneliness while alone, you may still be lonely in the company of lot of friends. The presence of God in your life fills great vacuum and His Spirit teaches all things including how to handle your relationship.

I was able to overcome this period of my life through God’s help. My spouse and I had to re-strategize our lives since he also want his wife to be happy always. We had to move to another house, though it was not extraordinary place like the initial house, but it took care of the proximity between our places of work, house and church. It also helped our effectiveness and efficiency in all ramifications because the home is not far any more for any one of us.

If you are married but do all things as if you are a single parent because the other partner is not always there….. If you have to make all the important decisions in the home front alone because he/she is not always available….maybe the kids don’t even recognize him/his authority because they hardly see him because of his tight schedule….He never even knows the kids need him at the next PTA because he never get bothered about their school activities…Dear, if all these and more are what you experience despite your married status, take it from me, you are married but living as a single.

Marriage is partnership and not a sole proprietorship thing. Get your spouse in the boat, you are meant to cruise together, don’t go solo. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him or seek help from trusted counselors and mentors. Get connected back to your wife; keep the flame of that love hot and burning. Don’t die in silence. Two good heads are better than one; don’t give yourself headache trying to make a vital decision alone which concerns the whole family.  Your presence is more important than the regular presents you buy for her, she needs you. He needs you to understand him more…see into his heart now that you are in his life. Spice up your spouse’s life; make it better than you met it.

Don’t get married because you want to overcome loneliness…overcome it before you get married less your bore your partner with your regular mood swings. Marriage is team work; don’t play ball on the pitch alone when you already have team mates. Your spouse and God are your team mates…the absence of any of the team members may permit the enemy to score against you!