Beneath the Smile

He looks to you like a born leader, he handles life-issues like an expert, and he is every upcoming youth’s mentor but beneath his smile, he is battling with his sexuality. He wishes he could enjoy sex like it is portrayed in the porn films and romance novels. He has an urge that is barely pacified each time he has sex with his wife.

She is a diva. Her voice is like  a nightingale’s, she has everything a young lady would aspire for; fame, wealth and connection but she has this past that keeps haunting her every night and behind closed doors, she can’t stop wetting her pillow with tears. She wishes she could change the consequences that her wayward past life has on her future. She had aborted in the past and this has left her with a ruptured womb. What man would want to marry such a woman, she often asks herself.

They make a cute couple; they are a bundle of inspiration to countless lives as they reach out to souls to bless them on a regular basis, still, after so many years of marriage they are yet to have a child of their own. They give hope to people in the open yet on their bed they wish all hope is not lost for their marriage to birth biological children.

Dear Friends, let us ponder on the words of Paul of Tarsus which says, “We were troubled on every side; yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed…” II Corinthians 4:8-9 I also love the words of wisdom from King Solomon which reads, “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small”…Proverbs 24:10.

We all have our ‘thorn in the flesh’; it may be light or ugly. We all have scars, the memory of which may still be fresh or long forgotten, but in all, let our hope and determination to pull through be stronger than the urge to throw in the towel. This is not just the usual relationship article you read, this is a motivational pill for someone; it is the soothing balm for your soul. Weeping may endure for a night; surely joy comes in the morning. Dear friend, I write to remind you that there is light at the end of your tunnel and you will burst into a beautiful laugh soon.
Envisage the beautiful future you seek and laugh as if it is here already! Be hopeful, be grateful and be thankful for how far you have come. It will always be better. Seek professional help if need be but don’t give up on your life. Be strong at heart, you are a plus to the world!

Help! My Spouse has Changed!

Betty is unable to understand her spouse anymore. He seems to have changed from the guy she courted two years before marriage. He is now exhibiting behaviors that are so strange to her. He snaps at her these days and finds intimacy so boring and weird. And oh, they’ve been intimate since their courtship days. It was a way to prove she loved him. She couldn’t deny him sex, not after he proposed to her in front of his family members on his birthday. He showed he desired her above all other women in the world and that is what every woman wants; a man that will make her his ‘numero uno’.

What Betty did not realize is that learning about one’s future spouse or partner stops once they start having sex before marriage. So most of the signs she was supposed to look out for stopped beingvisible to her, she stoppeddiscovering her fiancé and instead started feeding his sexual urge. The senses cease to work once emotions are out of control and sex is involved.

The same way the foundation of a building is important to its durability, so also is the foundation of any relationship. How was your relationship founded?

Relationship is not synonymous to gambling and we should put in conscious effort when we want to enter into it. A spouse does not just change overnight, there would have been signs that had been overlooked….instead of whining or crying over a spouse whose love and affection you’re losing, it is important that you try to find the source of the problem and address it squarely.

Starting out as a cute couple is beautiful, growing together in love and intimacy as the years go by is more commendable. Successful relationships take great work. It is good to be married to a great partner, it is however better to learn how not to take that spouse of yours for granted day in, day out. We are humans and there is the possibility that we change but what kind of change is taking place in our lives; positive change or otherwise? Any change that is detrimental to our spouse is also detrimental to us. Don’t neglect the treasure you are married to at the expense of the temporal flashy distractions in your work place.

Don’t wave aside any slight issue you notice between you and your spouse, create time to talk about it together.

Circumstances, pressures and daily challenges make people change but how we react to and address the change will determine whether we will lose our spouse to change or not. Learn to be patient and accommodating. Avoid situations that make you snap and shout at your spouse. What will make relationships last arenot feelings, emotions or sexual attraction; it is a dogged determination to stay faithful to the one you made a vow to love. Through the changes, the ageing, the sagging of breasts, menopause, old age, illness and fatigue, you promised to be his/her one and only; now it is time to fulfill the promise.

Pick that phone now; apologize to your spouse for speaking rudely or roughly or angrily to him/her in the past. Don’t be deceived, one of the best decisions you made in life is your marriage to that man/woman, don’t think of divorce now because you just met someone who seems to be spicing up your life; it is a temporary excitement, it will soon fade. Go back home to the man/woman you married; it might not be his/her fault that he/she changed, situations beyond his/her control might have caused it. Kindly hold his/her hand and talk about the change; you both can walk through this change gracefully with smiles on your faces; yes you can. Learn to enjoy the beautiful changes that occur in your spouse’s life as you grow old together; you also have to learn how to cope or manage the changes that ‘somehow’ irritateyou….it may look hard but it will not be when you are ‘in love’.Image

Forgive…but don’t forget

ImageIt is one thing to forgive someone who has hurt you badly in the past…it is another thing not to forget the lessons learnt from the incident so as not to fall victim again in the future. When I say ‘don’t forget’, I do not mean that you should keep putting the person that hurt you in the prison of your heart. I mean, you should glean and keep to your heart the lessons from the experience so that you will not repeat your mistakes and also be in a position to help other hurting people survive their hurts.

I decided to forgive my ex and that is why I no longer hurt when I remember the emotional trauma I went through in that relationship. Until you remember someone who had hurt you in the past and smile rather than curse, you are yet to forgive the person totally. It’s either you are still hurting or partially healed.

I did not forget the lessons I learnt from my ex and that is why I can easily reach out to a heartbroken fellow because I had been through what they are passing through. I needed to go through my own experience to be fully equipped to help someone who passes through a similar situation.

When my ex came to ask for another chance with me after messing up the various chances he had in the past, I quickly remembered the lessons I had learnt and told him there could be no other chance as he had used up all the chances. I discovered that patching up and continuing in that relationship was going to turn me into an emotional wreck because he has a ministry of breaking precious hearts like mine. The lessons I learnt coupled with the understanding I had from reading the Purpose Driven Life by bestselling author, Rick Warren; made me discover that there is a difference between forgiving someone who had broken your heart several times and then allowing them back again. It is the right thing to forgive but if s/he does not have a good track record of managing relationship, there is no point continuing in that relationship.

Healing from a hurt starts with forgiving the person that hurt you whether s/he deserves it or not. When you forgive, you are not doing that person a favor; rather you are lifting a heavy burden and baggage off your heart. The Lord’s prayer…..”Forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us….” So your sins are not to be forgiven by God if you refuse to forgive who ever might have hurt you.

Oh, you say I don’t know your hurt, you have once been raped and I am asking you to forgive the rapist…oh you have once been robbed or cheated on and I am asking you to forgive your offender. Seriously, you need to forgive to make closed doors against your destiny open. That’s God’s candid advice and every commandment of God has blessings attached to it so you’ve got no choice my dear than to forgive.

Don’t forget the lessons learnt from the incident….if you were raped maybe because you dressed almost nude in the public, you must have learnt that decent dressing don’t attract rapists. If you have been jilted one time or the other, you must have known the signs to watch out from a playboy or a “Delilah”. God is Supernatural…he is the one that forgives and forgets our sins…we are humans (natural)…we should forgive those who hurt us but should not forget the lessons learnt from the experience in other to avoid being a bigger prey in the future and to be fully equipped to help likely victims around us. Your future is great. I value you. I look forward to answering your questions via BB PIN: 29E55A9A