Help! My Spouse is moving in opposite direction….

  ‘Can two Individuals walk in same direction without first agreeing to do so? ‘- Prophet Amos

It is so frustrating to be married to someone who doesn’t believe in your vision or dream. It is energy draining to be soul knitted to someone who doesn’t see the future you paint and anticipate. Nothing is as beautiful as having a partner/spouse who is your number one cheerleader. It is great synergy to have a lover who watches your back as you go to the field to do what you are called to do; what you are specifically configured for.

I put it to you that it is pertinent to have purpose before partner. It is better to know the future you anticipate before you ‘drag’ in your future partner into the picture. You may need to ask Mary who ‘wombed’ the Messiah how frustrating it was initially when her spouse Joseph didn’t initially believe her purpose of birthing the Messiah. God your creator knows you need a supporting spouse to function well and finish strong. This He proved when He threw all His weight behind Moses’ wife Zipporoah when she was criticized and victimized by her in-laws for belonging to a tribe God instructed them not to marry from. Now wait, it was this same God that instructed Moses’ tribe not to marry from Midian where Zipporoah emanated from. It was Zipporoah’s father that housed and catered from Moses when he fled from Egypt because the enthroned Pharaoh was after his life for defending the people of Israel. Moses needed to stay away from the public for a while to prepare him for the great task ahead of delivering the children of Israel from captive. Zipporoah’s father, Jethro not only provided the place of abode for Moses but also gave him his blessings for him to marry his daughter.

While courting, Moses took time out to explain his vision to Zipporoah, he told her how he awaits a time when his people would be delivered from the captive; how it would happen however remain clueless to him. Zipporoah believed his vision despite having a ‘foreign’ origin.

Fast forward to the burning bush experience; it was time for Moses to go deliver his people from the slave master and guess what he got his wife’s support and blessings and I am sure she kept praying while Moses went ahead to challenge Pharaoh (phew!)

Fast forward to when the nation of Israel got their freedom and was on their way to their promise land, Moses’ siblings scorned and despised Moses for marrying from a forbidden tribe. It was a slap on Moses’ face and that of his spouse; but guess what? God was so proud of all the support that Zipporoah gave her husband all through and He had no choice than to punish Moses’ siblings for their insolence. God knows it is suicidal to go on a mission or embark on a vision whose success has many lives attached to it without YOU having the full support of your soul mate; this is critical. There is so much to share on this topic …

To this effect, my faculty and I will be teaching singles in MENTORING SINGLES master class on 4th, 5th & 6th September and we have decided to include this topic SELF DISCOVERY: Finding Purpose before Partner in our course outline. It is a course that is deep and compulsory for everyone that desires fulfillment in life and marriage. Take advantage of this awesome experience; Send ‘ September masterclass as subject of the mail; your full names and whatsapp number to whensinglesgather@gmail.com and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Your beautiful future has begun already. I believe, do you?help edited

My Spouse’s Ex

ImageDavid’s parents never supported his relationship with Leah from day one. It took a lot of pressure, personal conviction and confirmation from God before David decided to put an end to their four years courtship. However, it was only in David’s heart that the relationship was over; he couldn’t face Leah to tell her. They were each other’s first love and he remembered promising her to always be there for her no matter what happens. David always found it difficult to hurt people’s feelings, especially those he loved dearly; but in this situation, it was so crystal clear that God wanted him to move on in life but definitely not with Leah.

Not so long after, he met Treasure whom he fell in love with. He loved almost everything about her. He took his time to ask her out and she gave her consent to their lives together. It was after Treasure gave a yes to his proposal that David told her about his ex; Leah, he told her that he did not end the relationship verbally with her but in due time she should discern his distance means he is no more interested. Treasure was not happy that he didn’t end it with his ex verbally but David re-assured her that there won’t be any issue.

In a short while, Leah found out and confronted David who confirmed that he had met somebody else.  Leah was so bitter she almost committed suicide, she reminded David of his endless promises to her. David begged her and promised to still remain her friend. To fulfill his promise, she mandated him to call her everyday until she gets over the whole trauma. He promised he will and also told his fiancée; Treasure, about it all. Treasure felt there was no big deal in the daily call to Leah since it was for her to get over her broken relationship with David.

David and Treasure are now married; Treasure discovered her husband still calls Leah and that realization has made her very sad. There were times that she had caught him receiving calls outside their home and when she walks up to him suddenly, he usually has guilt written all over his face. Let me chip it in here that throughout his relationship with Leah, he never slept with her, yes! He is from a familywith strong moral values that believe abstinence from sex before marriage is not negotiable.

Your Ex is your past; don’t empower it to trouble your present and future. Singles must be careful not to believe love is blind and then fail to notice any form of anomaly during their courtship, there are some things that need to be dealt with while courting. If you caress and pamper those things instead of addressing them, they will grow very strong and contend with you in marriage.

So he/she flirts with someone else while you are courting and you feel comfortable with it because he has fixed the wedding date between you two? You are playing with fire. An Ex is an old flame that has the power to start up a new fire of emotions in you if you refuse to create the necessary distance. If your fiancé/fiancée sees nothing wrong in telling ‘small’ lies now in courtship, marriage to him/her won’t stop that behavior. Some spinsters and bachelors need serious ‘overhauling’ of their behavior before they are fit for marriage.  Dear single sister, if you attracted him with your beauty, you will need good character to retain him. Parents, let’s train our kids well because an attractive lady without morals and manners will make a mess of her husband and home. A handsome man who has a problem zipping up will end up in disgrace. It is true that there is no perfect spouse but discipline is critical. Let your ex remain your ex; your spouse is too precious to be disturbed with a past that didn’t end well.

You really need to talk to someone? Talk to me via BB pin:29E55A9A

Love Language for Singles

I will strongly advice that every engaged single should try as much as possible to know his/her future partner’s love language(s). However you may not be able to ‘fully’ express some of those love language(s) until you both get married.

So, you may ask me, “what if my boyfriend/fiancee’s love language is PHYSICAL TOUCH?” or “she always wants me to cuddle her to prove my love for her”. The only proper way you can express physical touch while still dating now is holding of hands. See, if you accept to cuddle him/her today, it will be difficult not to share a tight hug tomorrow. That definitely may come along with pecks which will gradually mature into a deep kiss. Before you know it, you’ll be struggling not to have sex together.

A person who enjoys PHYSICAL TOUCH may also like WORDS OF AFFIRMATION; you may have to do with that while still courting and wait to express the physical touch “fully” when you’re married. However, words are powerful; when used rightly, they can melt the heart of a strong man/woman any time. Use your words to stir up your date to be a better person and not to sexually arouse him/her. You know what I’m talking about.

There are words you consistently tell someone that melts his/her heart and makes him/her want to do anything with you including sleeping with you. Have you ever read a love poem that makes you fall in love with the poet instantly? Have you ever read a love letter that makes you wanna tour round the world with the writer? WORDS OF AFFIRMATION with sexual undertone can set anyone’s emotions and body on fire ready to be consumed in the flame of temporary but regretful sexual pleasures. Don’t dare smell what you are not yet “qualified” to eat least its aroma keeps giving you sleepless night until you have a taste of it. Once you taste it, it’s very difficult to stop it and not stopping it could cause lot of havoc.

You can warm your fiance/fiancee’s heart with ACTS OF SERVICE. No one would say no to a little hand of help. You don’t know a good husband/wife ‘material’ by ‘testing’ him/her on the bed. Marriage is not all about sex. Of what use is a man/woman who is good in bed but unless in other areas of life? Set boundaries while courting and stand by them. Don’t let anyone start a fire with you that you know can consume you utterly.

No matter how well you want to spend QUALITY TIME with your future spouse, you must be careful not to be too alone for long where you’ll be tempted to “mess yourselves up.” You can spend time going out, be among people that matter or attend programmes together. Being alone behind close doors always will make you go beyond the boundary.

There is no limit to RECEIVING GIFTS from your fiance/fiancee if that is his/her love language; just make sure you don’t make unnecessary demand that will choke up your partner. Great relationship is made up of givers. I’ll keep drumming God’s candid advice in your ears: if you’re married, sleep only if with your spouse; if you’re still single, sleep alone till you get married. I know you have lot of questions, I’ll be waiting to answer them via BB PIN: 29E55A9A. I value you greatly!