Sex and Soul-ties (Confessions of a married woman)

ImageHe loves me or am I getting it mixed up? I am married, he is still single, he tells me things my husband is too busy to say. He makes me feel like a real queen. I am already looking forward to our first kiss because he talks about it all the time on the phone. He once told me he’s still a virgin and wouldn’t mind having his first sexual experience with me. 


I am slim and that’s the shape he wants his woman to have. We talk about everything from our feelings, sex and the future. He says he only ask me for one thing, “to have a ‘love child’ for him.” We ended up sleeping together at our first meeting because we both wanted it. We promised each other right and there that it will never happen again because we both have a ‘good’ image each in the public that we won’t want to tarnish. And yes, I still love my home and husband.


It did happen again…and this is because after the first experience with him and how ‘nicely’ he treats me, I couldn’t get my mind off him. He just kept invading my thought…that is what sex does to two people. It binds them together; it’s like glue with the mission to put two things together permanently. Sex is a soul-tie, it is strong and binding and that is why it is not advisable to sleep with someone you are not married to. 


Why sleep which someone who is old enough to be your mother because of financial gain? You may get a temporary financial push-up from the relationship but you have sold your soul in the process, and your soul is priceless. Anyone who asks for sex in exchange of the favor he/she wants to offer you is your number one enemy to success. Joseph recognized this when Portiphar’s wife approached him and he ran for his life.


Dear precious husband, it is better you are not married to her than for you to marry and not be sensitive to her feelings. Adultery has no justification so also will you not be applauded for not being able to meet the emotional and sexual gratifications of your wife.


Dear precious wife, you must be able to find a beautiful way to communicate your unmet needs to your husband, sometimes he is ‘too’ busy making money for you and the kids that it takes it as a priority over your emotional needs. Having sex with someone who you are not married to is dangerous because sex is a covenant, vow, seal, bond and a soul-tie. It is only in marriage that God gives a thumb up to sex because it helps a man and his wife to bond and communicate in ways that are beyond words.


Scandals from illicit sex are also catastrophic just as it happened to a world class President who slept with one of his office stewards. It destroyed his image, his career and almost ruined his home. A Celebrity Golf Champion lost his home because he was fond of exposing his loins to every lady that winks at him. Do not ruin whatever future you have by a moment of lustful pleasure. Some of your partners may be out to nail you just as Delilah did to Samson. That you cannot control your sexual drive anytime you see a ‘fine’ babe or guy means you really have a problem you need to take care of fast before it embarrasses you before those who hold you in high esteem.


It takes courage and wisdom to open up to someone who can help overcome your sexual challenges. You are not the first in such situation and you will not be the last. Lot of great and anointed men of God has taken advantage of vulnerable followers and protégés by committing adultery and fornication on sacred grounds…sex on the altar… God is watching and He is shaking His head. Such men are abusing the grace of God over their lives and have thus placed an expiry date on their grace. It only takes a matter of time and they will end up in disgrace. It is not a sin to be tempted but falling flat in sin and continuing in it without remorse nor seeking for help is sure a destruction path. If you are married, sleep only with your spouse…If you are single, sleep alone till you get married….that’s God’s candid advice. I value you! You reach out to me on BB PIN: 29E55A9A


Bedmate or Soulmate?

ImageLara always looks forward to her intimate moments with Lekan. He sure knows how to send shivers down her spine with his touch, kisses, cuddles and romance. This minute he is busy making love to her, an hour later, he beats her like a punching bag. Yes, he buys her gifts when he is in a happy mood, yet he never misses raining abusive words on her once she makes any mistake. He pulls her down emotionally and psychologically when in a bad mood despite promising her marriage….watch it, he is just a bedmate and not a soul mate.

Bedmates are common, easy to meet and flirt around with. They easily toy with their partner’s emotions; a soul mate values his/her partner and does not toy with his/her emotions. When you are a soul mate, you don’t mistreat your partner because doing so is like driving a hammer straight into your heart.

You go wrong when you start sleeping with someone you are not married to. This is because sex be-clouds you from discovering all you need to know about your partner and makes you more concerned about satisfying your cravings. Take God’s candid advice; don’t sleep together until you are married to each other. Dear girlfriend, don’t pack into his house thinking you are already his fiancée. To him, you may still be a mere friend and nothing more.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Do you still connect with your spouse like when you first got married? How healthy is your relationship? I know you share same bed but do your hearts bond as one? It is possible you are sleeping together regularly yet your heart is flirting with some secret admirers or colleague. Some couples bear grudges, keep malice and yet sleep on same bed, so strange. That you both are married does not qualify you as soul mates. Marriages turn out great and successful when couples learn to be soul mates rather than mere bed mates.

A soul mate prays for you whether you are achieving success or not. He/she is your cheer leader come thick or thin. Your pain becomes theirs because you are bonded by one cause which is to finish strong together. If both of you start keeping secrets from each other, watch it, you are drifting from great soul mates to mere roommates. You can share same room/bed without sharing same bond. Do you know what is happening lately to your spouse or you are so consumed with your personal project that you hardly notice? Do you hear the silent sobs of your sweetheart late in the night beside you on the bed or you are busy in the dream land always and fail to notice? Do you at all notice the winkles on your spouse’s face which your constant nagging and complains caused? I guess you don’t, yet you want him/her to fall in the mood of ‘love-making’ at the snap of your fingers.

Dear single lady, he needs to first be your soul mate before he can qualify to be your bed mate. Don’t de-value yourself; if he loves you enough he will wait to put the ring on your finger before making you the mother of his kids. Abstinence (for the singles) is not old fashioned but God-fashioned. Don’t phase out what God put in place least you see His wrath.


Blackberry Affair

ImageChioma’s wedding to Rufus has been fixed. Its 2 months from now and preparation is in top gear to make this love celebration a memorable one. Just a month ago she got a friend’s request on face book from one of her closest school male friends whose contact she lost some years back. She accepted his request and they got talking; they exchanged contacts which included their blackberry pin. Chioma and Chris were very close in those days and he really knew how to make her happy. She told him of her engagement and he was happy for her. He however promised to make up for the time they lost contact.

True to his words, Chioma usually wakes up every morning with BB chats of from Chris already waiting for her, all inspiring and motivational messages. As time goes on, he started sending her jokes which always crack her ribs and made her day. Not too long the messages keep getting emotional and both of them started having feelings for each other. A day wouldn’t be complete without hearing each other’s voice on the phone.

Chioma’s wedding turned out successful but the honeymoon was spiced with regular messages from Chis. Least I forget, Chris has been married for three years with a kid, yet he allowed his heart to cloud with thoughts of Chioma since they met. He requested that Chioma see him few days to her wedding but she refused to be on a safer side, she knew Chris has developed strong feelings for her that it will only take a swift action just like Joseph did to Portiphar’s wife if she will escape ever sleeping with him.

During the honeymoon, Rufus noticed that his wife was unnecessarily attached to her blackberry and would smile at beeps of incoming messages. He initially did not attach much to it as her happiness is his utmost priority but he started feeling uncomfortable when the first thing she would grab in the morning is her blackberry and her face wouldn’t light up until she receives messages on it. Chris on the other hand was getting distant from his wife Coral. His obsession with Chioma was already affecting his home front as he hardly has time to communicate with his wife and when he does, it is always brief and too formal for romantic expression as his wife later puts it. Although Chioma and Chris have not slept together, yet their hearts is so connected as if they are live-in lovers. Both of them are having an affair unknowingly.

An affair is in the incubation when you can’t help yourself from the feelings of sharing a tight hug, a deep kiss and romantic touch with someone of the opposite sex while you are engaged to someone else. Beware of inordinate affections and questionable emotional attachments to someone of the opposite sex who you are not in relationship with. Don’t walk into a trap intentionally. Desist from hugging any form of distraction, Samson did not heed to this, he ended up losing his eyes and many future victories he would have won easily (Judges Chapter 14 & 15).

Who is that person you are addicted to chatting with that not hearing from him/her in a day would make you feel depressed? Is it a relationship you will be proud of if brought to the open? Why are you dating someone on 2go and at the same time having feelings for one of your BBM contacts despite you are currently engaged to another person on face book? Will you survive it if each of these your lovers decide to have a piece of your heart? 

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Do you need someone to talk to? Here’s my BB PIN: 25E9E245


Don’t touch my body

My heart is touched and greatly grieved as I witness the proceedings of the first case attended to in the court room. The plaintiff is a ten year old girl while the defendants are her mother and step father who had been abusing the little girl sexually for over ten months. The girl’s teacher who happens to be a great mother had noticed the girl’s movement has been with great difficulty; she called the girl to ask her if she had injury on her leg. She answered both yes and no at same with fear written all over her face, the teacher also noticed her bruised face and asked her about it. The girl was silent for a while.

The teacher knew something must be fishing; she held the girl close but the girl stiffened not welcoming her teacher’s embrace. The teacher, Mrs. Magdalene however assures the girl of no harm and within some few seconds she started feeling at ease. It was this time that the girl spoke, “Daddy will kill me if I tell anyone”. Mrs. Magdalene was shocked, how could a girl’s father threaten death to her on disclosure of facts. Upon enquiry, she got to know that the man was actually the girl’s step father or her mother’s boyfriend as they were not yet legally married. The man however has been abusing the girl sexually and beating her up every time she puts up resistance. The girl’s mother, Caroline, has never been happy with her little girl, Princess, she feels she is the reason why she is not getting enough attention from male admirers. Now that she has gotten Edward to appreciate her body, she will not let Princess stop her happiness.

What Caroline did not know however is that Edward has been abusing her daughter behind her. She sees the bruises on her body, but Edwards is always quick to explain that he had to discipline her for her rudeness, laziness and lack of discipline. Princess was never given any chance to explain, and so she became a shadow of herself until a blessed mother in form of her new teacher noticed the sadness and bruises on her face. The teacher after knowing the plight of Princess took the case to the school administrator who first had Princess checked up at the school’s health centre. The doctor confirmed that she has been tampered with severally. It was at this point that the matter was turned in turn to the police.

Caroline and her live-in husband were arrestedImage. immediately. It was at the court that Caroline was hearing for the first time that her beloved boyfriend Edward had been sleeping with her daughter for ten months.

Not only will Princess need rehabilitation, she needs change of environment, new guardians and her self esteem need to be worked on. She has been emotionally and sexually abused. Caroline was sentenced to ten years imprisonment while Edward got fifteen years imprisonment sentence. 

A lot of single mothers need to be applauded for being strong for their kid(s) giving them the best through thick and thin; yet some set of single mothers have thrown caution to the air in quest of getting suitors for themselves. There is so much sexual perversion in the society these days that I fear for the future of our kids. We have a challenge before us. We are responsible for what happen to our next generation, so let’s get equip and equip our off springs. If you do not learn to teach your kids about sex education, he/she will learn it either from friends or internet. Start by teaching them early the parts of their bodies that are public and private. Don’t wait until they have been abused before you start regretting…it may be too late then. It is good to have lesson teacher for your kids at home….it is great to hear that you send them for special studies in church/mosque; but how sure are you that ‘those lesson times’ are not used for something else? Don’t trust anyone too much at the risk of the sanity of your kids, the best you can do is to let your kids know the boundaries and make sure you are their best friends, that way they can confide in you anytime.

I have heard lot of cases of incest, uncles abusing their little nieces, step brothers and sisters involving in terrible acts. It is very sad to see so called respectable religious guardians abusing innocent kids in their care, house- helps abusing the children in their custody….. My question is who is touching your kid’s body behind you? Don’t get carried away making money while your kids’ future is being tampered with; teach your kids how to be accountable to you and how to report any “touch” or “closeness” that makes them feel uncomfortable. Let’s bring sanity back to the society by protecting the kids in our care; we will all give account to God one day, what will be in your score card?




If only I am still single…

Mimi walked into her room tiredly only to meet a dirty, disorganized state of her luggage and properties….oh, she had forgotten that she turned her wardrobe upside down earlier in the morning when she was looking for something important. ‘Oh my God…too much of responsibilities in this house’, she half screamed.

She is barely eighteen and had gotten married to her heartthrob, Quinn three months ago when her pregnancy was almost five months. Her father would not want her to stay under his roof anymore since she is expecting a baby. And “gosh”, she had to defer her admission into the university, got married in a hurry at the registry and moved over to Quinn’s parents’ house immediately. The interesting part is that her husband, young Quinn who just celebrated his twentieth birthday has gone back to school immediately after the registry ceremony. He talks to her every day on the phone; he however talks less with her these days and she has begin to get worried since his love has been the fuel that kept her going….only if she had waited before having sex with him. Now her education has to be put on hold… she had missed her friends. She seems not to be ready for this new phase of her life.

Her in-laws didn’t make things so easy for her either, since her spouse does not have a home of his own yet, she had to put up with her in-laws. Oh, how they complain so much of her being lazy. The worst part of it is when she is hungry at times in the wee hours of the morning and she has to fix her own meal before the family meal gets ready. She can’t even fix a good nice meal. All through their friendship, Quinn had always taken her out to eateries and restaurants. She has never even tried fixing him a meal before. Only if her dad had allowed her stay more time under his roof, how she wish she has her mother still around her who always cover up for her.

She sat down on the heap of clothes on her bed. It is so obvious…she is too young to be married. Is she too young to be married or not domestically inclined? Which one is her folly? Oh “Am I too young to be in love?”, “Definitely No”; she asked and answered herself almost same time.

It is one thing to be in love, it is another thing to nurture the love to grow and get matured before getting married. The fact just remained that she’s married but not matured.

She looked at herself all over, she is a complete mess. She doesn’t even think she is equipped enough to ‘mother’ a baby successfully. She can’t fix good meals, she can’t make major decision on her own, she does not even have a job…she has to stop school to dash into marriage prematuredly. And she vowed “till death do us part”….just three months into the union, she is bitter with herself because she is not prepared for this phase of life she just found herself. How she wishes she was single all over again; at least she will learn more about the institution of marriage before jumping into it. How she hope she has read books about marriage and family life. If only her dad would take her back… If only she can move back the hands of time….If only she was single all over again…

Every phase of life has been designed by God to enjoyed and not endured. Problem steps in when we are in a hurry to jump from one phase of life to another. That you are single now is not a crime, it is a blessing. Every phase of life is loaded with its own blessings and should be enjoyed maximally.

When I was still single, I sang, danced, reached out to touch lives and excelled in my academics and career; although I once had a failed courtship, I never gave up, rather that got me geared up to have the best relationship. I went back to my drawing board and discovered it was better to have a failed courtship than a failed marriage. It was at that period in my life that I had time to read Rick Warren’s bestselling book; The Purpose Driven Life and wow that affected my life positively. I got so fuelled up to be the best in every area of my life. I was busy enjoying, fulfilling purpose when my spouse came along. He met me a happy, vibrant and ‘vision-consumed’ woman.

Today, I get so inspired when I hear my young in-laws and protégés tell me they want to be like me when they grow up. Men, am not there yet as I am still evolving and I am determined to be the best wife and mother in my generation. I am happy to be married to the man God has blessed me with and so delighted that I didn’t skip or jump my ‘spinsterhood’ days; I passed through that phase of my life gleaning every lesson I could. I am still learning and as I look back to my ‘single’ days, am so full of gratitude to God because it was beautifully maximized.

Don’t live your ‘single’ life in a hurry…rather use it to prepare for the future ahead. Why are you in a hurry to get married when you will be married for the rest of your life once you tie the marital knot? Don’t rush into marriage so as not to rush out, don’t let anyone chase you into it and don’t push yourself into what you are not ready for.

You not only need to be matured physically to get married, you must also be matured financially and spiritually. God said it is not good for a man to be alone…not a boy (Genesis 2:18).
Get matured, grow up, why are you in a hurry to have sex when you will be very free to do that as many times as possible when you get married. You may decide to ‘tie’ a man down with your pregnancy now but you may not be able to keep him forever with it; it takes more than that to secure a great relationship. You will excel.