Make it a weekend to Remember

One way to revamp your relationship with Le Boo is to spend quality time with him/her. So I just mapped out 10 things you both can engage in together this weekend. All you need to do is to choose what works out for both of you. Remember that great relationships are products of intentional living by each of the partners involved.

1. Learn a new activity together – Take a dance or photography class or learn how to play monopoly; at least that will enhance your knowledge on financial intelligence.

2. Movies with a twist – Instead of haggling over drama vs. action and settling on a comedy flick to keep the peace, why not leave it up to chance. Close your eyes and pick. Whatever it is, both have to agree to honour the choice or it’s not fun.

3. Have an indoor picnic – Serve dinner on a picnic blanket laid out in the living room. Open a bottle of wine with some favorite finger foods. An indoor picnic can be even more fun and romantic than a traditional outdoor one. It’s quieter and no interruptions!

adobe-spark-11

4. Go to the theater – The Theater is a date favorite. It’s a little classier than a movie and you get to dress up and soak in some culture.

5. Recreate a memorable date – Think of a favorite past date, something that means something special to you as a couple; where you first met, your first date together, where you professed your love or popped the question.

6. Game night – You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a good time. Try a play date instead. Pick up a deck of cards and aboard game for an indoor date.

7. Play sports – Hit the golf course, tennis court, or any other sport that catch your interest.

8. Attend a concert – Live music is always a great way to spend a date. Get tickets to a big name act or enjoy a local band in the park, or a local club.

9. Go to the beach – Lie in the sun, take a swim, or skip some rocks. A day at the beach is a fun date. Why wait till public holidays before going to the beach?

10. Volunteer – Spend some time at a local shelter or food kitchen or even join a community beautification project. Helping others can actually be a great way to spend time together and do some good in the process. You can even spend time at the orphanage with children who need a parent figure.

I hope this makes sense, and that your weekend be memorable with your spouse and all yours.

To sizzling romance today and always.

How to Honeymoon for Life 3

There is no relationship that can survive without commitment. No matter the tips I dish out here on how to honeymoon for life, try them 10x over, they won’t work without commitment. Commitment is what makes couple stay together forever taking steps everyday to better each other’s life.

14468207_1261155267248706_5636417680085680679_o

Today I want to share something I tagged ‘the lovers’ creed’. They are five words or phrases that lovers who intend to stay together beautifully don’t joke with.
They are:

1. I LOVE YOU: This may sound so common but not saying it often may mean that you are taking your spouse for granted. Be creative about it, don’t just say I love you, say words like, ‘I value you’; ‘You mean so much to me’; ‘I do not take you for granted’. Great words like these are countless; explore the power of words to beautify your relationship.

2. FORGIVE ME/I FORGIVE YOU: Great Lovers are made of givers and forgivers. You cannot honeymoon for life when you keep records of wrong doings of your partner. Be quick to forgive and to profess your forgiveness even if you are not the one at fault. Don’t win the war (fight in your relationship) and end up losing your relationship. Be ready to make sacrifices to make your relationship work. Marriage is selflessness personified.

3. I AM SORRY: This is much related to the above. It is easy to say forgive me and not mean it from your heart. Do always show how sober you are after disappointing your partner; action speaks louder than words. Your body language goes a long way when asking for forgiveness.

4. PLEASE: When asking for favour, don’t demand for it as if it is a right from your spouse, show courtesy. Courtesy has never killed anyone, rather it has helped strengthened countless relationships.

5. THANK YOU: Never get tired of appreciating the one you love. Nothing retains one’s smile like remembering one’s spouse is always grateful and thankful. So today, grab that phone and send a thank you text to the one you love and you will be amazed at the feedback.

How to Honeymoon for Life 2

Hello beautiful souls, it’s a great day. We started a series yesterday on How to honeymoon for life. We established that it is important to write out our relationship/romance goals and also create a romance/relationship vision board. It is necessary that you do those two if you are determined to honeymoon for life. Now let’s take this higher…

Let me start with this; think not what your spouse will do to make you happy rather think of what to do to spice up his or her life always. And this takes us to love language. I know you must have heard of love language countless times but the truth is, it does magic to relationships. When you speak your partner’s love language, it shows you are not selfish and you care about what makes him or her happy. I love the way my Mentor defines love; he says, ‘love is a commitment to keep adding value to someone’s life for the rest day of your life without waiting for thank you’. That may sound harsh but it is the raw meaning of unconditional love.

Your spouse’s love language can be physical touch, receiving of gifts, quality time, words of affirmation or acts of service. Now, it is possible to have a combination of two or more love languages; where one will be in greater percentage that the other love language(s). It is possible to identify your spouse’s love language by observing how he or she appreciates people. Please note that what hurts also instructs. What is that thing that will hurt your spouse if you fail to do it to him or her? That ‘thing’ is his/her love language. For instance, if you fail to hug your spouse the way he/she wants and he or she gets angry because of this; it means physical touch (hug) is his/her love language.

14457543_1261154367248796_611610853499609977_n

Now you get the drift, today, go find out what your spouse’s love language is and build his or her emotional bank. Did you find this post helpful? If yes, click like or drop a comment. Tomorrow we will delve deeper into this topic. Do have a romantic day!

How to Honeymoon for Life

adobe-spark-3

Great relationships are result of intentional daily actions by each of the partners involved.

Do you desire to honeymoon for life? I know your answer is yes. Alright then, in the next few days I will be dishing out great tips that can help you achieve the romantic family of your dreams.

Begin today by writing down your relationship goals.
What kind of home do you want with your spouse?

Describe the kind of romance you want to exist between you both.
How often do you both want to hang out?
How intimate do you both want to be?

The next thing you need to do is create a romance or relationship vision board.

I know you must have heard of vision boarding before. So now, you create one for your relationship. Cut out pictures of couples on romantic date or vacation and paste them there. Surf the internet or cut pictures from magazines of couples playing together and in happy mood and also paste them there. Visualize the kind of home you desire.

It is easier to achieve what you see constantly starring at you on your vision board. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married, you can rekindle the flame of your love and romance and make it hot and spicy. It begins with you, so start by writing out your relationship goals same way you write out your financial goals and then go ahead and make a vision board out of them. A romantic relationship is achievable!

When last did we talk?

ImagePhilip and Paula are lovebirds, they’ve been married for some years and they have had things going well for them. Their careers keep getting better year after year. The more it gets better the more time it steals from their relationship. It got to a point that communication between both of them became badly affected because they hardly had time to sit together, chat, stroll and look into each other’s eyes like they used to do.

 

Not too long, Philip stumbled on a text message on his wife’s phone that showed she has been in constant emotional talks with someone of the opposite sex. He was dumbfounded. What did he do wrong? Why would Paula pay him back this way despite how he has been devoted to her? He confronted her and she denied having any sexual relations with her friend but it was so evident that she was too close to this guy; he seemed to know all the things happening to her in recent times which her husband did not know.  

 

I know of some couples who do not joke with date nights or nights out with each other, they make it a point of duty to observe it regularly or once a month; because they know that it helps them to connect strongly with one another as it fans the flame of intimacy between them. You always have a way of creating quality time for someone you value so much no matter how tight your schedule is.

 

It is so important that you call your spouse regularly just to express how much you care and value him/her. Learn to send romantic messages to your spouse at work; it helps to reduce the weight of pressure he/she may be facing. Don’t underestimate the power of an emotional message. Words are powerful; they can make or mar our moods. 

 

Some couples may find it so hard to eat dinner together because they arrive home at different times; however, praying together before bed time is not negotiable. Don’t trade it for anything. Praying couples win together. Try as much as possible to avoid arguments and if they occur, don’t go to bed at night without resolving them. You both form a strong team; successful teammates don’t fight one another, rather they celebrate and watch each other’s back wildly.

 

When last did you have deep communication? I mean when last did you express your profound feelings for each other without uttering any words? When last did you make love? It may be possible that in between your tight schedules you both tried to have sex, but did you create time for real love making? Don’t get so busy that you do not have enough time to enjoy your spouse at this deepest level.

 

I will strongly advice that your spouse should be your best friend. This helps both of you to keep bonding despite the pressures you face daily. You start building bridges between you and your spouse when you keep secrets from one another. Don’t fall for the snare of the enemy, protect your love-life and preserve your relationship. Don’t throw away that beautiful thing going on for you as a result of your carelessness and negligence. Learn to be selfless in your relationship to others most especially to your spouse. Whatever happens to your spouse affects you either directly or indirectly so why take the risk of being careless. Believe it or not, your spouse is your life. He/she is your fellow pilgrim in this journey of life, how you treat him/her will determine whether you will enjoy or endure the journey.

 

It is pertinent that we know that our relationship needs maintenance the same way we care for our fixed assets. A relationship you neglect will suffer. You have the power to make your relationship what you want it to be. Don’t gamble with your love-life. A lot of people are social media savvy at the expense of the emotional wealth of their relationship. Don’t be a social media celebrity/guru at the expense of your home. A sage once said, “it is better to be phoneless than to be homeless” (Roger that). A man/woman is truly wealthy if he/she is healthy emotionally.

 

If your spouse will have to clamor and struggle always in order to spend quality time alone with you, especially for bonding….watch it…your communication network is weak and needs urgent attention(service). For a woman, real intimacy starts with talk. Create time to listen to her ‘spoken’ and ‘silent’ words. 

 

So let me ask you, “When last did you talk with your spouse?” You may need to relearn how to talk not only with your mouth but also with your eyes, hands and your whole body. Your spouse’s body language is critical here if you don’t want to lose his/her heart. Re-connect with your spouse now, make that call to him/her, and send that love message, book a date night for both of you. It is well with you.

 

Do you need to talk to a Relationship Expert? Connect via BB Pin:29E55A9A

 

Bedmate or Soulmate?

ImageLara always looks forward to her intimate moments with Lekan. He sure knows how to send shivers down her spine with his touch, kisses, cuddles and romance. This minute he is busy making love to her, an hour later, he beats her like a punching bag. Yes, he buys her gifts when he is in a happy mood, yet he never misses raining abusive words on her once she makes any mistake. He pulls her down emotionally and psychologically when in a bad mood despite promising her marriage….watch it, he is just a bedmate and not a soul mate.

Bedmates are common, easy to meet and flirt around with. They easily toy with their partner’s emotions; a soul mate values his/her partner and does not toy with his/her emotions. When you are a soul mate, you don’t mistreat your partner because doing so is like driving a hammer straight into your heart.

You go wrong when you start sleeping with someone you are not married to. This is because sex be-clouds you from discovering all you need to know about your partner and makes you more concerned about satisfying your cravings. Take God’s candid advice; don’t sleep together until you are married to each other. Dear girlfriend, don’t pack into his house thinking you are already his fiancée. To him, you may still be a mere friend and nothing more.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Do you still connect with your spouse like when you first got married? How healthy is your relationship? I know you share same bed but do your hearts bond as one? It is possible you are sleeping together regularly yet your heart is flirting with some secret admirers or colleague. Some couples bear grudges, keep malice and yet sleep on same bed, so strange. That you both are married does not qualify you as soul mates. Marriages turn out great and successful when couples learn to be soul mates rather than mere bed mates.

A soul mate prays for you whether you are achieving success or not. He/she is your cheer leader come thick or thin. Your pain becomes theirs because you are bonded by one cause which is to finish strong together. If both of you start keeping secrets from each other, watch it, you are drifting from great soul mates to mere roommates. You can share same room/bed without sharing same bond. Do you know what is happening lately to your spouse or you are so consumed with your personal project that you hardly notice? Do you hear the silent sobs of your sweetheart late in the night beside you on the bed or you are busy in the dream land always and fail to notice? Do you at all notice the winkles on your spouse’s face which your constant nagging and complains caused? I guess you don’t, yet you want him/her to fall in the mood of ‘love-making’ at the snap of your fingers.

Dear single lady, he needs to first be your soul mate before he can qualify to be your bed mate. Don’t de-value yourself; if he loves you enough he will wait to put the ring on your finger before making you the mother of his kids. Abstinence (for the singles) is not old fashioned but God-fashioned. Don’t phase out what God put in place least you see His wrath.

 

Blackberry Affair

ImageChioma’s wedding to Rufus has been fixed. Its 2 months from now and preparation is in top gear to make this love celebration a memorable one. Just a month ago she got a friend’s request on face book from one of her closest school male friends whose contact she lost some years back. She accepted his request and they got talking; they exchanged contacts which included their blackberry pin. Chioma and Chris were very close in those days and he really knew how to make her happy. She told him of her engagement and he was happy for her. He however promised to make up for the time they lost contact.

True to his words, Chioma usually wakes up every morning with BB chats of from Chris already waiting for her, all inspiring and motivational messages. As time goes on, he started sending her jokes which always crack her ribs and made her day. Not too long the messages keep getting emotional and both of them started having feelings for each other. A day wouldn’t be complete without hearing each other’s voice on the phone.

Chioma’s wedding turned out successful but the honeymoon was spiced with regular messages from Chis. Least I forget, Chris has been married for three years with a kid, yet he allowed his heart to cloud with thoughts of Chioma since they met. He requested that Chioma see him few days to her wedding but she refused to be on a safer side, she knew Chris has developed strong feelings for her that it will only take a swift action just like Joseph did to Portiphar’s wife if she will escape ever sleeping with him.

During the honeymoon, Rufus noticed that his wife was unnecessarily attached to her blackberry and would smile at beeps of incoming messages. He initially did not attach much to it as her happiness is his utmost priority but he started feeling uncomfortable when the first thing she would grab in the morning is her blackberry and her face wouldn’t light up until she receives messages on it. Chris on the other hand was getting distant from his wife Coral. His obsession with Chioma was already affecting his home front as he hardly has time to communicate with his wife and when he does, it is always brief and too formal for romantic expression as his wife later puts it. Although Chioma and Chris have not slept together, yet their hearts is so connected as if they are live-in lovers. Both of them are having an affair unknowingly.

An affair is in the incubation when you can’t help yourself from the feelings of sharing a tight hug, a deep kiss and romantic touch with someone of the opposite sex while you are engaged to someone else. Beware of inordinate affections and questionable emotional attachments to someone of the opposite sex who you are not in relationship with. Don’t walk into a trap intentionally. Desist from hugging any form of distraction, Samson did not heed to this, he ended up losing his eyes and many future victories he would have won easily (Judges Chapter 14 & 15).

Who is that person you are addicted to chatting with that not hearing from him/her in a day would make you feel depressed? Is it a relationship you will be proud of if brought to the open? Why are you dating someone on 2go and at the same time having feelings for one of your BBM contacts despite you are currently engaged to another person on face book? Will you survive it if each of these your lovers decide to have a piece of your heart? 

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Do you need someone to talk to? Here’s my BB PIN: 25E9E245

 

Jilted…but not defeated

Pretty young woman with arms raised

Most of us have been through different kinds of abusive relationships yet we stay put in the relationship hoping our partner will change after marriage. That exactly is where we go wrong. If s/he cannot change the bad attitudes now it will take a miracle for the change to happen after marriage. This is because we display our best attitudes during courtship just to win our lover’s heart only to relax when we are married. In this edition, I will be discussing the prevalent kinds of abuse people go through in relationships. They are emotional, verbal, sexual and physical abuse.

 

I was once a victim of emotional abuse. I once dated a guy who could walk in any time of the day to declare that our relationship was over. Each time this happened, I would cry and become very devastated only for him to come back few weeks or days later begging on his knees that his life would be meaningless without me. Going by my love for him, I accept him back easily only for him to repeat his folly few weeks later. This went on and on, the more it repeats itself, the more I became an emotional wreck. In about our one year courtship, I had the relationship ‘broken’ and ‘repaired’ like seven times until I said it was enough. Any man/woman that takes pleasure in making you cry is not worthy to have you. Let me put it this way, if your partner toys with your emotions, then s/he cannot be your spouse. Free yourself before you tie the knot. Remove his/her spell on you before you walk down that aisle. Some supposed lovers will date their partners, use and dump them after promising heaven and earth. Those are the people I call heartbreakers, ‘human-abusers’ and ‘jilters’. No matter the pain you have gone through in the past; do not let it be your end because it is only a bend that will lead to a glorious end. For surely, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Have you ever been through verbal abuse? Verbal abuse is when you are always put down through utterances and words. If insults, destructive criticisms and words that hurt someone’s self esteem are usually used on you, then it means you are being subjected to verbal abuse from your attacker. The worse is when such person is your lover/partner. Such person make you feel inferior before his/her friends, colleagues, family and well wishers. If you are in a relationship with that kind of a person, then you are in a destructive relationship. Such a relationship will not allow you to be your best. It will only discourage you from discovering and using your potentials. Your fiancé/fiancée should see you as a blessing and not an excess baggage, anything short of this is not worth it.

 

Rape, incest, sexual assault, prostitution, lesbianism, homosexuality to mention a few are forms of sexual abuse. Sex is designed to be enjoyed between a married man and his wife, anything otherwise is perverse and has consequence. I put it to you that virginity is still a virtue, fornication remains a capital sin. Times may change but foundational principles behind humanity remains unchanged. Save yourself from everlasting guilt and sexually transmitted disease, abstinence from sex is the key if you are yet to marry. For those who were raped or taken advantage of forcefully, there is hope. Don’t live in the pain of the past, seek professional help, go for counselling, and talk to someone who can help you overcome the stigma.  You do have a great future and it is possible to end up marrying someone who will value you and treat you with royalty just as you were created to be.

 

Anyone that takes pleasure in inflicting physical pain on you through beating or hitting you with hard objects is subjecting you to physical abuse. Some ladies have become slaves in the hands of their ‘macho’ fiancé. They are being molested and hit with hard objects most times for every mistake they do. Some even harm their partners for mere suspicion because they are possessive. If the guy keeps beating you now while you are still courting, he will likely kill and bury you secretly after marrying you. There are some ladies too who are good   in slapping the men in their lives, this is nothing but perversion of the highest order. True love cares; it does not inflict injury on someone. Set yourself free now from that destructive relationship before you lose your life. A word is enough for the wise.

 

For all those who have been jilted one time or the other, it is not the end of life, do not commit suicide. That s/he walks out of your life means you deserve someone better. Don’t give up on life, you will love again and you will be happy!

 

 

 

Lessons from Delilah

delilah 

Let me start by reminding you that Delilah was specifically asked to seduce Samson and she did just that. She has ever since been immortalized for that great feat, conquering a great man. Every husband is great inclusive of yours and every man wants his wife to be his “seductress”. If you are not able to keep seducing your spouse, some else will do it, and a man’s mind has the ability to keep remembering the one who has the power to get him easily aroused. I hope you are aware that men are easily aroused by what they see and are usually captivated by what arouses them? So a wife who easily arouses her spouse is a woman whose husband will keep remembering every hour of the day. Have you ever been in love that your lover keeps calling you on phone at intervals just to hear your voice or to simply say “I love you”?                                                                                                                          What simply happened then is that he just can’t stop thinking about you. Most women have lost their homes because they are too holy to play “the harlot” or mistress to their husbands. For Christ’s sake, he is your husband, don’t dress like a warrior who is fully kitted while going to bed. The fact is if he is not tempted by you at all, he will outside. In the words of Bisi Adewale, President of College of Marital Success, “You cannot keep a man who your outlook cannot captivate”.

 Why not occupy your man’s mind thoroughly by displaying all for him least he satisfies his appetite outside. Wear things he loves for him in the bedroom, read books on how to be a “terrific wife”. Spice up your sex life with your spouse, don’t be a dull partner. Ways in which you can seduce your spouse include your wears (wear seductive clothes only for him at home), treat him like a King (every man is the king of his home).Don’t deny him your body. A man will easily stick to the woman that treats him right, if you don’t treat him right, someone outside is begging to do so and will in turn keep your spouse, God forbid! Cook him nice meals. A Nigeria adage says, “The way to a man’s heart is his belly”. Open the tap of your brain, think of what you can cook with what you have and ‘oops’ please know your husband’s best meals. It may mean going an extra mile to get his favorite meal ready but please do it so as not to lose his heart; it will make him love you more.

Delilah exposed Samson’s secrets to his enemies. Every man wants a woman who can be his confidant and keep his secrets. Delilah missed it at that point. Do not announce to the world or your friends information confided in you by your spouse, so as not to lose your home. Have a treasure vault in your heart or brain where you can keep vital information about your relationship or love life with your spouse. Records have shown friends losing spouses to each other simply because they have talked too much about some things about their spouses’ private lives that supposed not to be exposed. They have in turn given out their treasure to the swine.

You have to discover your spouse’s strength. Delilah took time to know her lover’s strength only that she used it against him. Study your spouse and know his strength areas, read him like a book. Then, try as much as possible to strengthen him in that area, contribute positively to make him better. You should also know his weakness so as to help him overcome it if possible or manage it to the minimum level.

The greatest book of wisdom, Bible, made us understand that Delilah tormented Samson in other to get the needed information from him. Men hate when their wives nag and torment them. When we nag our men, we push them out. The more we nag or torment them, the farther we push them away. Men love peace and will always pitch their tents with any woman who gives them such. Your man may not have it all today to give you but learn how to appreciate the little he was able to do in the past. A grateful heart never lacks, it is natural. You lose respect when you nag. There is a way of getting your request across without nagging. The reason why harlots easily rip off men is because they make their requests known when giving the men the pleasure they need. It is a give and take. Men naturally are built to give regardless of how rich their wives are but your man may never give you if you ask him the wrong way. We are naturally built to respond to appreciation, so when you appreciate for the little he did in the past even if he did nothing, “haba”, he will be propelled to do more.

On a last note, Delilah put Samson’s head on her laps. Wow! That is an “Almighty formula”. Learn to put your husband’s head on your lap. She turned her lap to his pillow no wonder he surrendered his total strength to her. Putting his head on your lap means providing a beautiful, quiet and stress-less place of abode for him where he can rest from the stress of the day. The sad news is that the opposite is the case in most homes, instead of giving him rest; he receives stress in return. This has chased lot of men into the arms of Delilah out there who is ever waiting to accommodate a man whose wife has denied care, love, attention, romance and peace.

In the words of David O. Adeoye from his book titled: Busy-ness or Business, “…If the atmosphere of your home is not healthy enough to revitalize you, you’ll always go to work tired and wounded. Whenever you leave the market place as a business person discouraged, you are supposed to get back the next day encouraged. If you left wounded, you are supposed to get back healed”.

Let’s learn the good lessons from Delilah and abstain from her negative attitudes least we lose the men we love to the woman we hate (Delilah).