My Spouse’s Ex

ImageDavid’s parents never supported his relationship with Leah from day one. It took a lot of pressure, personal conviction and confirmation from God before David decided to put an end to their four years courtship. However, it was only in David’s heart that the relationship was over; he couldn’t face Leah to tell her. They were each other’s first love and he remembered promising her to always be there for her no matter what happens. David always found it difficult to hurt people’s feelings, especially those he loved dearly; but in this situation, it was so crystal clear that God wanted him to move on in life but definitely not with Leah.

Not so long after, he met Treasure whom he fell in love with. He loved almost everything about her. He took his time to ask her out and she gave her consent to their lives together. It was after Treasure gave a yes to his proposal that David told her about his ex; Leah, he told her that he did not end the relationship verbally with her but in due time she should discern his distance means he is no more interested. Treasure was not happy that he didn’t end it with his ex verbally but David re-assured her that there won’t be any issue.

In a short while, Leah found out and confronted David who confirmed that he had met somebody else.  Leah was so bitter she almost committed suicide, she reminded David of his endless promises to her. David begged her and promised to still remain her friend. To fulfill his promise, she mandated him to call her everyday until she gets over the whole trauma. He promised he will and also told his fiancée; Treasure, about it all. Treasure felt there was no big deal in the daily call to Leah since it was for her to get over her broken relationship with David.

David and Treasure are now married; Treasure discovered her husband still calls Leah and that realization has made her very sad. There were times that she had caught him receiving calls outside their home and when she walks up to him suddenly, he usually has guilt written all over his face. Let me chip it in here that throughout his relationship with Leah, he never slept with her, yes! He is from a familywith strong moral values that believe abstinence from sex before marriage is not negotiable.

Your Ex is your past; don’t empower it to trouble your present and future. Singles must be careful not to believe love is blind and then fail to notice any form of anomaly during their courtship, there are some things that need to be dealt with while courting. If you caress and pamper those things instead of addressing them, they will grow very strong and contend with you in marriage.

So he/she flirts with someone else while you are courting and you feel comfortable with it because he has fixed the wedding date between you two? You are playing with fire. An Ex is an old flame that has the power to start up a new fire of emotions in you if you refuse to create the necessary distance. If your fiancé/fiancée sees nothing wrong in telling ‘small’ lies now in courtship, marriage to him/her won’t stop that behavior. Some spinsters and bachelors need serious ‘overhauling’ of their behavior before they are fit for marriage.  Dear single sister, if you attracted him with your beauty, you will need good character to retain him. Parents, let’s train our kids well because an attractive lady without morals and manners will make a mess of her husband and home. A handsome man who has a problem zipping up will end up in disgrace. It is true that there is no perfect spouse but discipline is critical. Let your ex remain your ex; your spouse is too precious to be disturbed with a past that didn’t end well.

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Before you break her heart…

Greg had made his mind, there’s certainly no going back. He definitely does not feel anything for Lauren again. The flame of their love has been blown away by the whirl wind. The more he tried to rekindle their love, the more he seems to be attracted to a new woman, Lucy.

Greg and Lauren have been living together for five years, they have an adorable baby girl they both named Angel. They were lovebirds at first sight and never for once tried hiding their feelings for each other for whoever cares to see. However, Lauren’s parents never supported the relationship from on set and this created a lot of troubles for them when they were ready to settle down. Both of them however feel life isn’t complete until they are in each other’s company, so Lauren moved into Greg’s house against her parents’ wish and blessings. They both concluded that the wedding could be on hold till her parents give their consents. Few months after they started co-habiting, Lauren got pregnant and Greg spoilt her silly. They are both graduates, Lauren works with a telecommunications company while her beau runs his own oil business. They were ‘in money’ and so since they were both independent they decided they cannot be held bound by any parent. In the trimester stage of her pregnancy she lost it due to stress at work. Greg thus asked her to stop work at this time so as to have enough rest. She later conceived again and gave birth to their only child. During childbirth, she had complications but she was lucky enough to be alive with her adorable baby girl. The doctor thus advised that she must avoid being pregnant again if she wants to still stay alive. The joy of childbirth was so much at that time that the couple did not give weight to the doctor’s advice until when Angel was two years and Greg wants a baby boy.

Of what value is the wealth he is accumulating if there is no male heir who will continue his name, he asked himself. He discussed the issue with Lauren and this did not go down well with her as it seems to her that her spouse is so obsessed with having a male child than having her alive. They argued and disagreed on the issue and it tore their hearts apart. Lauren, as at that time has not reconciled with her parents who have vowed to have nothing to do with their supposed son-in-law.
Greg changed his attitudes towards Lauren hoping that will make her change her mind by ‘giving him a male child’, oh don’t get it twisted, he loves his daughter, Angel so much but he is in dire need of a male child.

It was during this period that Greg met Lucy, a business tycoon. He wasn’t so much attracted to her at first because he still has Lauren so much in his heart, but the more Lauren drift away from him because of his male child obsession, the more he falls into Lucy’s hands who never seems to deny him anything, even her body. If he continues like this with Lucy, she may probably get pregnant for him and maybe give him a male child.

The news of Greg in love with another woman did not go down well with Lauren. All odds seem to be working against her. First of all, she invested a lot in the start up of his oil business. Secondly, their relationship is not legally or religiously binding since there was no marriage whatsoever between them. The third is that her parents are in discord with her for going against their wish in her marital choice. Fourthly, she is currently jobless; this is because she had to leave her career to enable her reduce stress so as not to experience another miscarriage. She and Greg however agreed that she should still stay at home after childbirth to properly look after their baby girl. She has therefore stayed at home till when Greg decided their relationship has come to an end.

Lauren knew she could not afford to be a single parent, she could not afford to be alone, she really has to talk it out with her man. She had a great talk with him and discovered that he is no more interested in their relationship. He however told her that she could still be living in same house with him provided she won’t have issue with his new woman, Lucy living with them because that is whom his heart now belongs to. Lauren is heartbroken and needs advice on what to do:

Co-habitation is what Greg and Lauren practiced, that is, they both lived together as if married without any legal or religious sanctions. Too bad, there is no even option of divorce for Lauren as there was no marriage in the first place. The significance of Parental blessings in a marital relationship cannot be over-emphasized. Even if your parents are of different belief, you need their consents and blessings for your marriage. They may disagree with your opinion on the onset but if you have made the right choice, give them some time, many waters cannot quench love. The heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord (Holy Scriptures). Rushing into marriage without your parental blessings and approval is ungodly and morally wrong.

It is cowardice for a man to harbor a woman in his house like a wife without performing any marital rite on her. It is foolishness on the side of a lady to start living in a man’s house as his wife without walking down the aisle with him. You are just room-mates and he can walk you out of his life when he is fed up with you without any legal consequence.

To every ‘Lucy’ out there, if a man leaves his woman/mother of his kid(s) at home saying he is no more in love with her but with you, watch it. He will do same to you and go after another woman when he gets tired of you.

A word to Greg: before you break Lauren’s heart, put yourself in her shoes and ponder on this question: Would you be happy if same was done to you or your beloved sister?

Greg would be practicing polygamy if Lauren decides to stay in the relationship when Lucy comes to live in with them .No real man can boastfully say he is having a great time in a polygamous union. Polygamy shatter hearts; it hurts kids and destroys homes.

To you dear single man that have aborted for several ladies after giving them ‘false promises’ of marriage, now you want to settle down and you are scouting for a virgin; remember that “whatever a man sows, he will surely reap”. (Galatians 6:7)

In conclusion: No child, whether male or female is inferior to the other. Both are God’s creation and when raised well can be great reformers, agent of change and great leader. More so, God wants us to love our spouse with or without the presence of offspring. He however has great promises for us, that none of his own will be barren.