Do me a favour…Fall in love with Me!

When was the last time you took time out to celebrate how far you have come in life? Do you even have time to appreciate who you are on the way to where you are going? Today, I challenge you to love yourself deeply, wholly, fully and unconditionally; only then are you properly positioned to love your spouse, loved ones and others regardless of their weakness.

At a time in my life I was so busy trying to have a perfect home and trying to always be there for my spouse that I forgot and hardly had the time to give myself a special treat. Oh yes, you do deserve a special treat and not once in a lifetime but often. Do not wait till someone takes you out to ‘spoil you silly’; you may need to be the one to ask yourself out at times and give yourself the special treatment you deserve. Don’t be too busy working to amass wealth and end up losing your health when the wealth comes.

I felt that as long as my home looks like a palace and there is always a smile on my spouse’s face, I was okay, but I got it all wrong. I gave myself away selflessly forgetting to reserve anything for ‘me’ and that started affecting me negatively. I became so ‘worn out’ because I never took time out to be refreshed. It is great to look after the welfare of your spouse, home and kids but do not forget to look after yourself too. Always look at the mirror and observe if the reflection of who you see is a better you or a ‘worn-out’ you.

In the words of Sarah D. Jakes, “you have to love yourself first; because that’s the only way you can truly love another imperfect person”. I love the words of Olakunle Soriyan which reads, “I’ve come to realize that the smallest thing to do in life is to make myself happy”. My husband often says, “no one can make you sad without your consent”. It therefore means that it is paramount that you should be happy in life; and if you are surrounded by those who do not make you happy, find a way to make yourself happy. You cannot make other people happy if you’re sad. Let me ask you a question, “What are those things you derive joy in doing and when last did you do them?”

A lot of leaders are lonely and depressed and that is why suicide cases are increasing all over the world. There are times that you will face great challenges and you must build your own circle of cheerleaders. Do you have people who can encourage you no matter what you’re passing through? You may have a lot of pressures on you as a leader, you need to have confidants or mentors who you respect, who can look you straight in the eye to tell you to take a ‘serious’ break when you need one. Don’t overwork yourself till you break down.

The grave is filled with lots of people who never fully lived their lives. People viewed them as successful but never knew they battled inwardly with depression, loneliness and rejection; and as such ended their lives because they didn’t enjoy it. Learn to hang around those who celebrate you and those who will stop at nothing to bring out the best in you. Fall in love with yourself because if you do, you will stop at nothing to make yourself happy. Know when the law of diminishing returns set in and when to take a break to rest or go for a long vacation. Do not die before your time; do not fix your funeral for when the applause is loudest (when the world needs you most). You are phenomenal, see yourself that way and love yourself fully. Don’t be a solution provider who refuses to use the prescription he recommends for others when he too needs it.

My Spouse’s Ex

ImageDavid’s parents never supported his relationship with Leah from day one. It took a lot of pressure, personal conviction and confirmation from God before David decided to put an end to their four years courtship. However, it was only in David’s heart that the relationship was over; he couldn’t face Leah to tell her. They were each other’s first love and he remembered promising her to always be there for her no matter what happens. David always found it difficult to hurt people’s feelings, especially those he loved dearly; but in this situation, it was so crystal clear that God wanted him to move on in life but definitely not with Leah.

Not so long after, he met Treasure whom he fell in love with. He loved almost everything about her. He took his time to ask her out and she gave her consent to their lives together. It was after Treasure gave a yes to his proposal that David told her about his ex; Leah, he told her that he did not end the relationship verbally with her but in due time she should discern his distance means he is no more interested. Treasure was not happy that he didn’t end it with his ex verbally but David re-assured her that there won’t be any issue.

In a short while, Leah found out and confronted David who confirmed that he had met somebody else.  Leah was so bitter she almost committed suicide, she reminded David of his endless promises to her. David begged her and promised to still remain her friend. To fulfill his promise, she mandated him to call her everyday until she gets over the whole trauma. He promised he will and also told his fiancée; Treasure, about it all. Treasure felt there was no big deal in the daily call to Leah since it was for her to get over her broken relationship with David.

David and Treasure are now married; Treasure discovered her husband still calls Leah and that realization has made her very sad. There were times that she had caught him receiving calls outside their home and when she walks up to him suddenly, he usually has guilt written all over his face. Let me chip it in here that throughout his relationship with Leah, he never slept with her, yes! He is from a familywith strong moral values that believe abstinence from sex before marriage is not negotiable.

Your Ex is your past; don’t empower it to trouble your present and future. Singles must be careful not to believe love is blind and then fail to notice any form of anomaly during their courtship, there are some things that need to be dealt with while courting. If you caress and pamper those things instead of addressing them, they will grow very strong and contend with you in marriage.

So he/she flirts with someone else while you are courting and you feel comfortable with it because he has fixed the wedding date between you two? You are playing with fire. An Ex is an old flame that has the power to start up a new fire of emotions in you if you refuse to create the necessary distance. If your fiancé/fiancée sees nothing wrong in telling ‘small’ lies now in courtship, marriage to him/her won’t stop that behavior. Some spinsters and bachelors need serious ‘overhauling’ of their behavior before they are fit for marriage.  Dear single sister, if you attracted him with your beauty, you will need good character to retain him. Parents, let’s train our kids well because an attractive lady without morals and manners will make a mess of her husband and home. A handsome man who has a problem zipping up will end up in disgrace. It is true that there is no perfect spouse but discipline is critical. Let your ex remain your ex; your spouse is too precious to be disturbed with a past that didn’t end well.

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When Mothers turn Murderers

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A peep into Jacob’s life in Genesis 27 shows that he deceived his father to steal his elder brother’s blessings, all thanks to his mother Rebecca who conceived and helped in the execution of the ‘deceit mission’. In his flight to avoid his brother’s anger, his mum further advised him to flee to Uncle Laban, the slave master. Jacob served under him with hard labor for twenty years (fourteen years to pay the bride price of his heartthrob, Rachael; the remaining six years to gather wealth Genesis 31:41).  Jacob’s elder brother, Esau would have killed him in vengeance if not for God’s mercy.

 

An abortion of a great destiny can also occurred during the reign of wise King Solomon when one harlot slept on her baby and  made an attempt to claim the living baby of her co-harlot (I Kings 3:16-27). Same way, lot of single ladies/women has aborted unwanted babies. Some even claim that the babies are still in the formation stage and so they are still foetus  Whatever name you decide to call it, it is murder. Who knows, a lot of future presidents, world reformers and change agents have been “flushed” away by these “unready” mothers. Would you have existed if your mother had decided to abort you rather than give birth to you?

 Accolades should go to great mothers like Mary, the mother of JESUS who encouraged her son to perform his first miracle of turning water to wine at the wedding in Cana of Galilee (John 2).  A mother has been divinely endowed to encourage her child to be the best and not otherwise. A great testimony of the positive influence of a good mother is that of Sonya Carson, the mother of Ben Carson. In his book, The Gifted Hands, Ben narrated how his mum believed in him and through her positive affirmations about his future helped him become the best neurosurgeon in our time. Most children today are suffering from curses placed on them by their mothers. Such mothers have forgotten that “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.”

 Jabez’s mother sealed his destiny by naming him after the troubles and trials surrounding his birth, she had no hope in his future. It took Jabez a prevailing prayer time out in God’s presence for his life to be changed. (I Chronicles 4:9-10). A mother has power to determine the fate of her child, her tongue is coated with authority and whatever she declares into her child’s life have a way of coming to pass.  “Can a mother forget the child of her suckling?” (Isaiah 49:15). Every mother is like a potter and her children are like clay in her hands, she has the opportunity of teaching her kids their first words, walks and witness their first smile.  That actually means whatever a mother knows is what she will teach her kids.  Mothers are great assets to their children’s lives and so we need to be careful what we invest into the lives of our kids. Let’s make kings and queens out of them. Do not let us murder their future by teaching them the wrong steps. We are just caretakers and are accountable to God how we raise our kids. Let our kids look back years later and thank God for having us as their mothers just as it was said to the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:28, “Her children arise up, and call her blessed”.