Abused…but not Shattered

ImageThis is a special dedication to every rape victim…

To everyone who has survived and healed from the scar of rape.

To every girl child that is still silent and still hurting…

To every lady whose wound is still very fresh and contemplating suicide as a way to end the trauma.

Just keep hanging on dear…God is trying to hold your hand…kindly reach out to Him and let Him help you through.


The wise book gives an account of Princess Tamar who was raped by her step-brother Prince Amnon. Due to this her royal apparel got replaced with ashes. Her self esteem got affected no wonder we did not read of any exploits of hers after that terrible incident.. It could be that she did not recover from the trauma and stigma.


I got the shock of my life some few days back when I read a broadcast of a 14 year old boy who raped at 2 year old girl to death. One begin to wonder the values and virtues that are being taught in our homes these days.


Jacob Jume was said to have taken advantage of his sick sister few minutes after the nurses and doctor on duty at the time had made their routine ward round and gone on break. According to Vanguard reports, the 30 year old victim was injected with a sedative and while she was partially incapacitated by the medication, her brother, Jacob allegedly raped her. This happened not too long ago in Benue State Nigeria.


I was watching CNN some days back and I saw a campaign and protest done in Kenya against rape because a lady has just been confined to a wheel chair as a result of gang rape; that broke my heart.


There are lot of people suffering silently, stigmatised and living in fear of what the public will say when they find out that they were once raped. The responses to my article DON’T TOUCH MY BODY which I wrote earlier this year which is centred on child abuse(rape) were alarming as some close allies of mine confessed to have gone through similar abuse. Same way, some many people around us are going through this and we seems to be less concerned.


If we decide today to be responsible for every girl child around us starting from our home, we will know when a sex predator is hovering around them. Let us try to be more sensitive despite our busy schedule, let’s hear the silent voices of the violated around us. Lot of girls, ladies and women are shrinking due to abuse from men they trusted so much. Not only must we be physically active, our spiritual alertness is also of paramount importance. Rape has gone beyond physical, the evil forces are capitalising on it to undress our babes of their royal apparel. It is only a survivor and a victor that bounces back to fulfil destiny like the few ones that are speaking out now.


Let’s embark on both spiritual and physical rally against rape. Let’s protect every girl child and lady as if they are our blood and treasure.


Do you think it is easy to convince a rape victim that sex between lovers/couple is “sweet” after all she has been through? Do you think a rape survivor can easily believe all men are not the same? Think on these…


Dear husband, the act of rape is forcing yourself on your woman to have sex with her. You married her, you had your style with which you wooed her to say yes to you, why can’t you use same love language or ‘taming’ method to make her sleep with you willingly?


For every rape victim still hurting, don’t give up on life yet. There is a beautiful story of your life about to be written; it’s the beginning of a glorious chapter. Don’t give up until you’ve looked up; it’s never too late until you become late.


If you’re still battling with the trauma of rape or you know someone who is still hurting or struggling with her self esteem because of this, link up with us so we can help you get the necessary help and connect you to great survivors of the ordeal. Don’t die in silence, it is not your end, it is only a bend that will lead to a glorious end. A campaign against rape has just taken a new dimension, we are not stopping until our girls, ladies and women are totally free to walk around without the fear of sexual harassment or abuse.


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Sex and Soul-ties (Confessions of a married woman)

ImageHe loves me or am I getting it mixed up? I am married, he is still single, he tells me things my husband is too busy to say. He makes me feel like a real queen. I am already looking forward to our first kiss because he talks about it all the time on the phone. He once told me he’s still a virgin and wouldn’t mind having his first sexual experience with me. 


I am slim and that’s the shape he wants his woman to have. We talk about everything from our feelings, sex and the future. He says he only ask me for one thing, “to have a ‘love child’ for him.” We ended up sleeping together at our first meeting because we both wanted it. We promised each other right and there that it will never happen again because we both have a ‘good’ image each in the public that we won’t want to tarnish. And yes, I still love my home and husband.


It did happen again…and this is because after the first experience with him and how ‘nicely’ he treats me, I couldn’t get my mind off him. He just kept invading my thought…that is what sex does to two people. It binds them together; it’s like glue with the mission to put two things together permanently. Sex is a soul-tie, it is strong and binding and that is why it is not advisable to sleep with someone you are not married to. 


Why sleep which someone who is old enough to be your mother because of financial gain? You may get a temporary financial push-up from the relationship but you have sold your soul in the process, and your soul is priceless. Anyone who asks for sex in exchange of the favor he/she wants to offer you is your number one enemy to success. Joseph recognized this when Portiphar’s wife approached him and he ran for his life.


Dear precious husband, it is better you are not married to her than for you to marry and not be sensitive to her feelings. Adultery has no justification so also will you not be applauded for not being able to meet the emotional and sexual gratifications of your wife.


Dear precious wife, you must be able to find a beautiful way to communicate your unmet needs to your husband, sometimes he is ‘too’ busy making money for you and the kids that it takes it as a priority over your emotional needs. Having sex with someone who you are not married to is dangerous because sex is a covenant, vow, seal, bond and a soul-tie. It is only in marriage that God gives a thumb up to sex because it helps a man and his wife to bond and communicate in ways that are beyond words.


Scandals from illicit sex are also catastrophic just as it happened to a world class President who slept with one of his office stewards. It destroyed his image, his career and almost ruined his home. A Celebrity Golf Champion lost his home because he was fond of exposing his loins to every lady that winks at him. Do not ruin whatever future you have by a moment of lustful pleasure. Some of your partners may be out to nail you just as Delilah did to Samson. That you cannot control your sexual drive anytime you see a ‘fine’ babe or guy means you really have a problem you need to take care of fast before it embarrasses you before those who hold you in high esteem.


It takes courage and wisdom to open up to someone who can help overcome your sexual challenges. You are not the first in such situation and you will not be the last. Lot of great and anointed men of God has taken advantage of vulnerable followers and protégés by committing adultery and fornication on sacred grounds…sex on the altar… God is watching and He is shaking His head. Such men are abusing the grace of God over their lives and have thus placed an expiry date on their grace. It only takes a matter of time and they will end up in disgrace. It is not a sin to be tempted but falling flat in sin and continuing in it without remorse nor seeking for help is sure a destruction path. If you are married, sleep only with your spouse…If you are single, sleep alone till you get married….that’s God’s candid advice. I value you! You reach out to me on BB PIN: 29E55A9A


Lessons from Delilah


Let me start by reminding you that Delilah was specifically asked to seduce Samson and she did just that. She has ever since been immortalized for that great feat, conquering a great man. Every husband is great inclusive of yours and every man wants his wife to be his “seductress”. If you are not able to keep seducing your spouse, some else will do it, and a man’s mind has the ability to keep remembering the one who has the power to get him easily aroused. I hope you are aware that men are easily aroused by what they see and are usually captivated by what arouses them? So a wife who easily arouses her spouse is a woman whose husband will keep remembering every hour of the day. Have you ever been in love that your lover keeps calling you on phone at intervals just to hear your voice or to simply say “I love you”?                                                                                                                          What simply happened then is that he just can’t stop thinking about you. Most women have lost their homes because they are too holy to play “the harlot” or mistress to their husbands. For Christ’s sake, he is your husband, don’t dress like a warrior who is fully kitted while going to bed. The fact is if he is not tempted by you at all, he will outside. In the words of Bisi Adewale, President of College of Marital Success, “You cannot keep a man who your outlook cannot captivate”.

 Why not occupy your man’s mind thoroughly by displaying all for him least he satisfies his appetite outside. Wear things he loves for him in the bedroom, read books on how to be a “terrific wife”. Spice up your sex life with your spouse, don’t be a dull partner. Ways in which you can seduce your spouse include your wears (wear seductive clothes only for him at home), treat him like a King (every man is the king of his home).Don’t deny him your body. A man will easily stick to the woman that treats him right, if you don’t treat him right, someone outside is begging to do so and will in turn keep your spouse, God forbid! Cook him nice meals. A Nigeria adage says, “The way to a man’s heart is his belly”. Open the tap of your brain, think of what you can cook with what you have and ‘oops’ please know your husband’s best meals. It may mean going an extra mile to get his favorite meal ready but please do it so as not to lose his heart; it will make him love you more.

Delilah exposed Samson’s secrets to his enemies. Every man wants a woman who can be his confidant and keep his secrets. Delilah missed it at that point. Do not announce to the world or your friends information confided in you by your spouse, so as not to lose your home. Have a treasure vault in your heart or brain where you can keep vital information about your relationship or love life with your spouse. Records have shown friends losing spouses to each other simply because they have talked too much about some things about their spouses’ private lives that supposed not to be exposed. They have in turn given out their treasure to the swine.

You have to discover your spouse’s strength. Delilah took time to know her lover’s strength only that she used it against him. Study your spouse and know his strength areas, read him like a book. Then, try as much as possible to strengthen him in that area, contribute positively to make him better. You should also know his weakness so as to help him overcome it if possible or manage it to the minimum level.

The greatest book of wisdom, Bible, made us understand that Delilah tormented Samson in other to get the needed information from him. Men hate when their wives nag and torment them. When we nag our men, we push them out. The more we nag or torment them, the farther we push them away. Men love peace and will always pitch their tents with any woman who gives them such. Your man may not have it all today to give you but learn how to appreciate the little he was able to do in the past. A grateful heart never lacks, it is natural. You lose respect when you nag. There is a way of getting your request across without nagging. The reason why harlots easily rip off men is because they make their requests known when giving the men the pleasure they need. It is a give and take. Men naturally are built to give regardless of how rich their wives are but your man may never give you if you ask him the wrong way. We are naturally built to respond to appreciation, so when you appreciate for the little he did in the past even if he did nothing, “haba”, he will be propelled to do more.

On a last note, Delilah put Samson’s head on her laps. Wow! That is an “Almighty formula”. Learn to put your husband’s head on your lap. She turned her lap to his pillow no wonder he surrendered his total strength to her. Putting his head on your lap means providing a beautiful, quiet and stress-less place of abode for him where he can rest from the stress of the day. The sad news is that the opposite is the case in most homes, instead of giving him rest; he receives stress in return. This has chased lot of men into the arms of Delilah out there who is ever waiting to accommodate a man whose wife has denied care, love, attention, romance and peace.

In the words of David O. Adeoye from his book titled: Busy-ness or Business, “…If the atmosphere of your home is not healthy enough to revitalize you, you’ll always go to work tired and wounded. Whenever you leave the market place as a business person discouraged, you are supposed to get back the next day encouraged. If you left wounded, you are supposed to get back healed”.

Let’s learn the good lessons from Delilah and abstain from her negative attitudes least we lose the men we love to the woman we hate (Delilah).