The Other Side Of Me
The Other Side Of Me
So you are contemplating starting another relationship? That means the previous relationship ended. Sometimes we wish our previous relationship(s) worked out because of our huge investment in it (them) but really if our eyes were opened to see the kind of great future carved out for us, we will be glad that the previous relationship ended because it wasn’t designed to bring out the best in us.
Alright, now that there is no one in your life or you are considering if this person you just met is best suited for you. Let me ask you, what lessons did you learn from the previous relationship?
If you were hurt in the past, have you forgiven your ex? Please know that if you’re still hurting from a failed relationship, you’re not healthy enough to start another one. Why? Your wound is probably still fresh or you’re still healing. If any pain is inflicted on your already existing wound, it can cause you more damage and this in return can make you lash out at your new partner or even make him/her want to pay for the offence your ex committed. Let go of yesterday’s hurt, pain and abuse. Only then are you qualified and certified whole and healthy to give another relationship a try.
Do you still cry when you remember the past hurt? Do you still feel bitterness towards your ex when you remember him or her? Then you’re still hurting. ‘How do I get healed if I’m still hurting?’ you may be asking. Let me help you with a few steps. Forgive yourself, forgive the person that hurt you (free them from the prison of your heart). Here, I say forgive…but don’t forget the lessons you learnt from the past hurt. For instance, if he used to abuse you or she cheated on you over and over before the relationship came to an end, forgive. You need this to move on, but don’t forget how to identify a ‘cheat’ or a man who enjoys abusing his partner, so you won’t fall prey to the same kind of person in future.
In healing from the past, love yourself unconditionally. Treat yourself like the king/queen that you are. Take yourself out and give YOU a nice treat. If no one is your VAL, be your own VAL. Look in the mirror and say all the nice things you want to hear about yourself. Learn to encourage and motivate yourself. This is because you can’t love someone else the way they deserve to be loved if you don’t love yourself well enough. You can’t give what you don’t have. Period!
In getting healed from the past, listen to music that ministers and feeds your soul. Songs are powerful, they have a way of touching the heart even the deepest part of it. Be sure to surround yourself with people that believe in you. You need them to forget the past and to move on.
‘It takes courage to love again when you have been hurt. The alternative is to give up on love. Don’t! Be brave to love and love again.’ – Anonymous
One thing I want you to know is that not every man is a cheat, not every woman is after your money. There are great individuals whose main concerns are your happiness and joy. Find and surround yourself with such individuals. You can only attract your quality in the opposite sex. You may not be able to attract diamond if all you’re stuffed up with is wood. Birds of the same feather flock together. It therefore means if you want a Prince, you have to become a Princess (and vice versa).
Before you start another relationship, be ready to give your best and be prepared to let your Maker be involved in it all because relationship was and still is His original idea and He is the best matchmaker ever. His record remains unbroken. That your ex left you is not the end of your life, it is the beginning of the best chapters of your life about to be written. I wait to read your love story.
When dad passed away some years ago we thought we were also going to lose mum because she refused to be consoled. She has just lost a soul mate. We tried all our best to comfort her although she re-assures us with smiles but deep down in her heart we saw that she was bleeding and fading away. We rallied round her and told her how hard it will be if she decides to leave so soon too knowing I am an only child.
Yes as mum was being comforted, I had a great challenge to stand strong, I have just lost a biological and spiritual father, a mentor and my best friend, one I could tell everything being an only child. My fiance now my spouse was around then and he and dad were just so close and yes we had to delay our wedding for two more years in respect of the man who believed most in the success of our relationship. Things were never the same again after the death of my father.
As we summoned up courage to make sure the ministry, legacy and church he left behind continues, we also kept encouraging mum how dad will be so proud of her if she decides to keep living to fulfil purpose just as he did.
One of my foremost mentor lost his pretty young wife few years back and as most people begin to ask question why God would allow that happen to His servant, some of us knew how she had pulled through severe heart disease and did not allow that affect her impact on the lives of youths and children at large, she was a beautiful soul. I was more concerned later how my mentor would pull through life for he was so knitted together with his wife, they preached and was always going out together as her health permits. She was indeed the Lord’s Leading Lady.
My prayer then has always been that God would strengthen him and help him not to fall in the traps of Delilah as he is a man loved by so many. Not too long after a big memorial service for his late wife in which two of her unpublished books were released and a foundation inaugurated in her name, my mentor announced in church that he is going to marry again and he disclosed the identity of the woman he is now in love with.
That stirred up rumour as the press couldn’t believe how a young widower like him would decide to settle for a single mother of two. Now listen, who dared question God when He decided to put Rahab, Bathseba, Ruth and Tamar in Jesus’ lineage? To us, these women did not qualify but God thought otherwise, He uses the foolish things of this world to confuse the wise as He shows His mercy to whom He deems it fit; those were the exact words I sent to my mentor’s new wife to be. Anybody that has a problem with her marrying a man of God because of her past should go and sue God for it.
I put a text message across to my mentor and it reads, “My prayer for you since you lost your pretty wife is that God would heal your heart and help you love again and He did it. I am not moved by what the press is saying, I am in no position to judge you for the kind of woman you decide to settle with, I know you know what you’re doing and you’ll not settle for anyone whom your late wife will not be proud of where she is. My prayer is that great seeds will come out of your loins via your new wife. I’ll keep praying for you as you take this giant step to a new phase of your life.”
He replied almost immediately with this text, “God bless you for those words, they came at the right time, you don’t have greatly they have encouraged me and yes your words are a confirmation of what God just told me. God bless you woman of God”.
A lot of times we have compounded the hurt of the bereaved instead of helping them heal. Our words are so powerful, our motives need to be directed well least we do more harm than good to the people we are meant to hold their hands to cross a phase of their lives. I have seen couples who lost a young child and instead of mourning for life, they put a foundation in remembrance of her to support other kids who are suffering from same cancer she died of. It is painful to lose a loved one but when it happens let us do what will beautify their memory not what will tarnish it. Let me encourage you now to live your life fully in pursuit of purpose so that when you die people will be sad that a great hero is gone; don’t let it be that the world will be celebrating at your demise because of the trouble you caused.
Earlier this year, my first cousin Dorcas Philips and I put together a solid gospel musical concert in my late dad’s church to celebrate his 7years memorial service. It was colourful, his numerous proteges were around, some of the lives that were impacted through his ministry were full of joy as they celebrate a man who has touched their lives positively. My mum was there as she is still alive and strong doing exploits for God. We no longer cry when we remember dad but always full of joy for a life well spent.
Dad was not there when I was inducted as a Chartered Accountant but he will be so proud of his baby girl wherever he is and he will be so fulfilled that I am pursuing God’s call for my life. My mentor has married the lady he chose and they are beautiful together.
My dear friend, we may not be able to prevent a loved one from dying but we can live our lives so beautifully well to make their memory and what they stand for touch lives positively even after their demise. The ball is in your court. I value you greatly.
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