Guard your heart against Heart breakers

wpid-for-my-blogYour heart is so precious and should not be toyed with. A lot of times we attract wrong people into our lives and then wonder why they treat us badly. Anyone who does not place value on you will not treat you well.

Let me start by asking you what value you place on yourself. A lot of times we see signs from a prospective heart breaker, yet we ignore them and reassure ourselves that what we feel for our partner is enough to take care of our relationship. Love should not be one sided. For a relationship to survive, affection and devotion must be mutual. It should be a two way thing. It should be symbiotic and not parasitic.

In a relationship, the communication line must be kept open. Are you both making effort to reach each other as often as you can or is the effort that of one person alone?  If she calls all the time and he never makes an effort to reciprocate unless when he needs something from her, he is a predator. If the only time she ‘flashes’ his phone or send text messages is when she wants something from him; she won’t last long in that relationship.
As a single person, if all your partner is asking for is sex and he/she can’t be disciplined enough to wait till you exchange marital vows. Watch it! You are courting a heart breaker.

If you have aborted for him once and he is still not ready for marriage but he keeps asking for sex, you are probably a play thing in his hands and he will soon do away with you.

A lot of us don’t know we need to first commit our hearts to God before we commit it to men. A man who has no regard for what God says about sex or sin will not find it difficult to cheat on you. Someone who keeps friends with womanizers and adulterers will soon tread that path if he does not change company.

It is good to admire the shape or the figure of that guy or babe but it is more rewarding to look out for the kind of future that person projects.

Let me conclude with the advice I usually give singles when they ask for counsel just as they are about to  start a new relationship; ‘Fall in love with your heart but don’t let your brain go to sleep while in love, open your eyes and be sure to observe and address all negative signs’. May you never be a victim of serial abuse!

A CALL FROM MY Ex

ImageJude is a promising young guy; he is a first class graduate of Mass communications and he has lot of dreams for the future. One of his goals is to be a successful on air personality (OAP). Getting the right job however seems difficult as he has to be joggling between one to the other. One of the bright sides of his life is his fiancée, Judith. Her daily phone calls always make his day colorful and he always look forward to it. Judith has however changed a bit since some days back, she rarely pick when he calls and she always sound not too excited at the sound of Jude’s voice. He would have paid her a visit to know the reason for the sudden change in her attitude but she is miles away observing her National Youth service Corps (NYSC).

Jude got a call from one of the best radio station in town to come for an interview for the post of on air personality (OAP) and as he puts everything in place on the morning of the interview, he got a call from his beloved Judith. This must be a great luck for his interview, hearing from his wife-to-be. Judith announced to him right there on the phone that she’s no longer in love with him and that they should give their relationship a permanent break because she has moved on.

It was a rude shock for Jude but he has to put himself together for his interview. He will deal with the issue later. It wasn’t easy for him to get composed. His heart was divided, interview on his mind, heartbreak ripping him apart on the other hand. It was his turn to be interviewed, he sat in front of the panelists and was asked to do one thing…..”You are the radio host for a popular relationship program on air, can you please give a brief introduction to today’s episode of the program”…..that was the task.

And here’s Jude response to his test, “Earlier this morning, my girlfriend, best friend and lover broke our relationship of two beautiful years at a time I need her most in my life; I am here with a heavy heart yet I have you my audience waiting for me so I have brace up because life continues. Now I wonder how I can balance life with this heartbreak and other goals I need to accomplish. Today I want to hear your views about how you handled previous heartbreaks in your relationship, let’s learn from you. We also have a Relationship Coach in the house….I, your host Judah Best will be right back after the commercials…”

The panelists were ‘wowed’….he got the job on the spot with lot of mouth watering benefits. His life changed on the day he was jilted. Within six months, he was in high demand as MC and live show host even in higher institutions. It was one of these days that he received a call from Judith, she wants to come back into his life….. 

Jude really loved Judith and he still has feelings for her but she actually left him for someone else once…she left when he needed her most and now she wants to come back…. She is probably making a comeback because of his current status….

Our Ex is our past. It could also be a dirty habit we left, a pitfall we survived from or weakness we had overcome. Seriously, you are married but there is this old flame that used to know the password to set your body on fire…. Just a call from her and you are already undressing her in your mind…To make the matter worse, she is ready to go on a date with you. You’ve got to take control of the ‘lust’ least it lead you to an early grave. Lot of married people made a total mess of their beautiful future because they gave entrance to an Ex into their lives. Some attractions are for your destruction; so beware!

 

Stop having a hangover over an Ex who has nothing to offer than heartaches. He/she walked out because he/she believes you are not good enough. Don’t stay around someone who only tolerate you but never celebrates you. Jonah (in the bible) had to do away with his ‘over-sleeping’ habit before he could fulfill God’s purpose for his life. Dis-engage from anything that will weigh you down from advancing into the future. You may need to stop picking that call or probably delete that contact from your phonebook or blackberry. You may have to block that follower on twitter that keeps sending you nude pictures. You have the power to prevent yourself from sleeping on the laps of Delilah least you end up like Samson.

 I once dated a guy who could walk in any time of the day to declare that our relationship was over. Each time this happened, I would cry and become very devastated only for him to come back few weeks or days later begging on his knees that his life would be meaningless without me. Going by my love for him, I accept him back easily only for him to repeat his folly few weeks later. This went on and on, the more it repeats itself, the more I became an emotional wreck. In about our one year courtship,the relationship got ‘broken’ and ‘repaired’ like seven times until I said it was enough. I told him that although I have forgiven him but I have discovered that he is not emotionally matured to handle relationships for now least he makes a mess of my life. I told him I can no longer trust him with my heart because he has no good track records.

 Any man/woman that takes pleasure in making you cry is not worthy to have you. Let me put it this way, if your partner toys with your emotions, then s/he cannot be your spouse.

Seriously, if the ‘bad’ that you Ex has to offer outweighs the ‘good’….don’t open the door of your heart to him or her again. Add me on this BB PIN: 29E55A9A if you need someone to talk to. I value you!

 

Jilted…but not defeated

Pretty young woman with arms raised

Most of us have been through different kinds of abusive relationships yet we stay put in the relationship hoping our partner will change after marriage. That exactly is where we go wrong. If s/he cannot change the bad attitudes now it will take a miracle for the change to happen after marriage. This is because we display our best attitudes during courtship just to win our lover’s heart only to relax when we are married. In this edition, I will be discussing the prevalent kinds of abuse people go through in relationships. They are emotional, verbal, sexual and physical abuse.

 

I was once a victim of emotional abuse. I once dated a guy who could walk in any time of the day to declare that our relationship was over. Each time this happened, I would cry and become very devastated only for him to come back few weeks or days later begging on his knees that his life would be meaningless without me. Going by my love for him, I accept him back easily only for him to repeat his folly few weeks later. This went on and on, the more it repeats itself, the more I became an emotional wreck. In about our one year courtship, I had the relationship ‘broken’ and ‘repaired’ like seven times until I said it was enough. Any man/woman that takes pleasure in making you cry is not worthy to have you. Let me put it this way, if your partner toys with your emotions, then s/he cannot be your spouse. Free yourself before you tie the knot. Remove his/her spell on you before you walk down that aisle. Some supposed lovers will date their partners, use and dump them after promising heaven and earth. Those are the people I call heartbreakers, ‘human-abusers’ and ‘jilters’. No matter the pain you have gone through in the past; do not let it be your end because it is only a bend that will lead to a glorious end. For surely, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Have you ever been through verbal abuse? Verbal abuse is when you are always put down through utterances and words. If insults, destructive criticisms and words that hurt someone’s self esteem are usually used on you, then it means you are being subjected to verbal abuse from your attacker. The worse is when such person is your lover/partner. Such person make you feel inferior before his/her friends, colleagues, family and well wishers. If you are in a relationship with that kind of a person, then you are in a destructive relationship. Such a relationship will not allow you to be your best. It will only discourage you from discovering and using your potentials. Your fiancé/fiancée should see you as a blessing and not an excess baggage, anything short of this is not worth it.

 

Rape, incest, sexual assault, prostitution, lesbianism, homosexuality to mention a few are forms of sexual abuse. Sex is designed to be enjoyed between a married man and his wife, anything otherwise is perverse and has consequence. I put it to you that virginity is still a virtue, fornication remains a capital sin. Times may change but foundational principles behind humanity remains unchanged. Save yourself from everlasting guilt and sexually transmitted disease, abstinence from sex is the key if you are yet to marry. For those who were raped or taken advantage of forcefully, there is hope. Don’t live in the pain of the past, seek professional help, go for counselling, and talk to someone who can help you overcome the stigma.  You do have a great future and it is possible to end up marrying someone who will value you and treat you with royalty just as you were created to be.

 

Anyone that takes pleasure in inflicting physical pain on you through beating or hitting you with hard objects is subjecting you to physical abuse. Some ladies have become slaves in the hands of their ‘macho’ fiancé. They are being molested and hit with hard objects most times for every mistake they do. Some even harm their partners for mere suspicion because they are possessive. If the guy keeps beating you now while you are still courting, he will likely kill and bury you secretly after marrying you. There are some ladies too who are good   in slapping the men in their lives, this is nothing but perversion of the highest order. True love cares; it does not inflict injury on someone. Set yourself free now from that destructive relationship before you lose your life. A word is enough for the wise.

 

For all those who have been jilted one time or the other, it is not the end of life, do not commit suicide. That s/he walks out of your life means you deserve someone better. Don’t give up on life, you will love again and you will be happy!