Leah (not her real name) shared her story on my Twitter Platform some months back when I invited her to facilitate. It was #WhenSinglesgather and she shared how she fell in love at her early twenties to someone her parents would not approve of. But damn it she was in love, expecting a child and nothing could change that…. she had a heart to heart talk with her ‘bobo’ and decided to elope.
She started facing reality when she eloped, her guy started abusing her after the birth of the first child but she was determined to win the love of her man back. She felt the man must be misbehaving because of the pressure of being a father.
The abuse however didn’t stop and she didn’t leave. She had the second child in the midst of abuse. It got to a time that she knew that if she didn’t leave the relationship she would die; after all it is mere co-habitation.
That was how she walked away with two kids in other to stay alive. The first thought would be who will marry her with two kids?
Today she has a new child who is one year plus, got married to the father of the child about three years ago. Her husband happened to be a handsome man who has never been married before. Great things have happened to her, she wrote a book to chronicle her story, which became an Amazon Best Seller; all just because she dared to START BETTER AFRESH.
Ayo, my good friend is a Public Speaker, he met Ebun and they started a beautiful relationship. They both loved the Lord and believe in sexual purity. They of course represent a power couple because they form a formidable team. Few months into their relationship, they wanted to be sure if they would eventually head to the altar. They went for a genotype test. The result of the test shattered their hearts. It showed that they are both AS and they know the implications. They wouldn’t want to have children that will constantly be in pain, children with sickle cell anaemia.
Ayo had the faith that his own genotype could change if he believes and trust God enough; after all he had seen it happen to one of his friends. Ebun however had lost hope on all that, she still loves Ayo but couldn’t go through the risk. One of the most difficult things to do for Ayo was to let her go. Not too long Ebun met another amazing man who happens to be AA, she liked him and told Ayo about the new found man. Ayo gave her his blessings. She got married early this year.
We were so concerned for Ayo, we knew he was happy for Ebun but we also knew he was hurting terribly for not marrying Ebun. I made it a point of duty to keep him in my prayers.
Today, Ayo is engaged to a great woman who shares similar vision with him. They will be walking down the aisle soon; this is because he decided to START AFRESH BETTER.
Now let me share some points with you if you resonate with any of the story above or if you need to start afresh better in any area of your life. Have you been through divorce or know anyone who did? This piece is a good read for him or her.
1. Acknowledge that the previous relationship ended.
2. Do not blame yourself for whatever was beyond your control in the previous relationship. Sometimes we lose something-good to get something-great.
3. Cry if that will make you better. Don’t bottle your emotions. Find someone trust-worthy who you can talk to, to make you feel better. Tears are therapeutic; sometimes it is what you need at the moment to get going.
4. Determine not to make your life come to a standstill all just because your relationship ended.
5. Glean all the lessons possible from previous relationship. Learn from the mistakes you made (if you made any) so you won’t repeat them in future.
6. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you committed and forgive your ex if he or she has hurt you in anyway. He/she may have taken advantage of you in the past; you need to forgive before you can start better afresh.
7. Give yourself time to heal. In case your ex hurt you, you have to grow up emotionally to an extent that you won’t feel bitterness when you remember him or her, until then you are yet to heal. See; don’t be in hurry to start off another relationship when you are still in pains of the past relationship. This will only bring further pains to your new relationship.
This is what I mean. You will unconsciously do transfer aggression to your new partner of the wounds you are still suffering from. This of course will be an unfair treatment on your new partner because he/she will be suffering from injury caused to you by your ex.
8. Seek closure. If it takes too long for you to heal totally from the hurt of the previous relationship, I suggest you seek the help of a professional relationship counsellor. It is okay to mourn a sweet relationship turned sour but if after six months you still hurt so badly as if the hurt is fresh….please seek help as urgent as possible.
9. Get a relationship vision board.
This is a pictorial representation of your dream relationship. Cut out pictures of couples you admire from magazines and internet and paste them on your vision board or cardboard and paste them on the wall of your room where you can always see them.
You can cut out pictures of couples on honeymoon, vacation, date nights and paste them on your vision board where you can always see them. See them, believe them and command them into reality.
10. Get a relationship Affirmation.
Affirmations are powerful. Words are powerful and they can create great things out of nothing.
Write out what you desire for your relationship.
Below is an example of Affirmation written by a client after the session she had with me:
This month I attract my better half
A man who loves me just as Christ loves the church
I attract a faithful man, a man who loves God and is ready to work for and with Him. I attract a man whose genotype is AA, who is patient with me and corrects me in love;
a man who is very much in love with me.
He is filled with my love. I attract a man who finds me attractive than any other lady in the world. He cares for me; he stays successful in every area of life.
We are building a great home together. Together we are fruitful and give birth to wonderful kids. I attract a man who is hard working, who motivates me, support my dreams and career. I attract a man who values my opinion even as we build our home together. I attract a man who never raises his hands to hit me or abuse me verbally. This and many more happen to me naturally and with ease. Amen!
As a man, you can edit it and coin it to suit you. You need to be consistent with reciting the affirmation and believe it strongly.
11. Always improve yourself.
I mean go for self improvement. Don’t remain the way you were when your old relationship ended and expect to attract someone better than your ex with the same old you. Grow yourself, build yourself and stretch yourself.
Challenge yourself to a better you. Would you be attracted to you if you were someone of the opposite sex? Always ask yourself that.
Lastly: Dress for a new beginning.
Dress like a Princess if you want to attract the Prince. Stop dressing like your past relationship. You can start better afresh, you can start NOW. Yes you can!