Guard your heart against Heart breakers

wpid-for-my-blogYour heart is so precious and should not be toyed with. A lot of times we attract wrong people into our lives and then wonder why they treat us badly. Anyone who does not place value on you will not treat you well.

Let me start by asking you what value you place on yourself. A lot of times we see signs from a prospective heart breaker, yet we ignore them and reassure ourselves that what we feel for our partner is enough to take care of our relationship. Love should not be one sided. For a relationship to survive, affection and devotion must be mutual. It should be a two way thing. It should be symbiotic and not parasitic.

In a relationship, the communication line must be kept open. Are you both making effort to reach each other as often as you can or is the effort that of one person alone?  If she calls all the time and he never makes an effort to reciprocate unless when he needs something from her, he is a predator. If the only time she ‘flashes’ his phone or send text messages is when she wants something from him; she won’t last long in that relationship.
As a single person, if all your partner is asking for is sex and he/she can’t be disciplined enough to wait till you exchange marital vows. Watch it! You are courting a heart breaker.

If you have aborted for him once and he is still not ready for marriage but he keeps asking for sex, you are probably a play thing in his hands and he will soon do away with you.

A lot of us don’t know we need to first commit our hearts to God before we commit it to men. A man who has no regard for what God says about sex or sin will not find it difficult to cheat on you. Someone who keeps friends with womanizers and adulterers will soon tread that path if he does not change company.

It is good to admire the shape or the figure of that guy or babe but it is more rewarding to look out for the kind of future that person projects.

Let me conclude with the advice I usually give singles when they ask for counsel just as they are about to  start a new relationship; ‘Fall in love with your heart but don’t let your brain go to sleep while in love, open your eyes and be sure to observe and address all negative signs’. May you never be a victim of serial abuse!

A call to my Spouse’s ex

angry 3Are you in a relationship where your spouse’s ex keeps hovering and hanging around? Is your spouse’s phone constantly bombarded by his/her ex demanding needless attention? Do you ever wonder why single girls refuse to respect the sanctity of matrimony and keep pursuing married men despite even knowing his wife one on one? Just hang in there because I have a word for you right here….

Mimi knew of an unusual closeness between her spouse and Zima, only that she couldn’t place her finger on what exactly was going on. Her spouse; Mike and Zima grew up in the same neighborhood and Zima has always been regarded as a distant family friend. It was obvious to all close friends while Mike was growing up that Zima was obsessed with him but he always told anyone that cared to listen that he had no iota of feelings for Zima as he sees her like one of his siblings.

Over time and even after Mike got married, Zima still kept in touch. She shares all her relationship issues with Mike and patiently listens to his advice on the phone. She seemed to be having issues with almost every guy she dated; they were not measuring up to the kind of man she wants.

Note that intimacy is easily built with someone who you are in constant communication with. What you discuss often determines the kind of intimacy you build. If you are often discussing emotional and sensitive issues with someone of the opposite sex, it’ll get to a time that an emotional switch will be turned on for one of the party towards the other person and it just takes a matter of time before the other person catches the fire if the constant communication continues. This happened to Mike and before he knew what was wrong he had committed adultery with Zima. Shortly after she got pregnant, Mike was devastated; he had to run to one of his Mentors to tell him the mess he had found himself in. Not only did his Mentor scold him sternly, he demanded to see Zima who he told his mind about respecting the sanctity of a holy matrimony. You knew this man was married, why did you gun for him was his question to her.

All this while, Mimi did not know what was going on and her husband really didn’t want her to know at that time, she was too much of an angel to have been betrayed. She had always tried her best to satisfy her husband sexually, anytime she can’t meet up with his sexual cravings, she makes it up to him without delay the next day. She however did not know that Mike had stopped desiring her sexually…all to no fault of hers.

Many months later, Mimi knew all that transpired between her spouse and Zima….. Zima lost the pregnancy but the communication between Mike and Zima didn’t stop.

Mike’s explanation to his wife is that the calls are just platonic ones…no feelings attached but Mimi wants the calls to stop because she believes an old flame still has the potential of starting a fresh fire if fanned. She decided she had to talk to Zima since she had previously met her on one or two occasions. She took her husband’s phone and pulled a call through to Zima. “We have to talk….” was all she could say and Zima excused herself that she was in a public transport and that Mimi should call her back soon.

Mike got to know about the call and felt very bad….”I don’t have feelings for her again…I am only helping her with some information she needs for a project”, he told his wife. “Let her seek for help somewhere else….you’re not the right person to help her because of the past between you two”, Mimi replied her husband as she poured out her hurt and disappointment. Mike promised to keep a distance between him and Zima.

Mimi didn’t call Zima back rather she called Mike’s mentor who he confided in the past; she told him about the call she made to Zima. The mentor advised her not to call her back rather he gave her a prayer point, “That God would cause an irreconcilable quarrel between Mike and Zima”. He further told her that he would inform her when the time is right to call Zima if at all it would be necessary.

Mimi obeyed, she is now so concerned about her spouse. She has determined to make sure that sexual intimacy between her spouse and herself does not suffer. She learnt from her mentor that a man who is sexually ‘over fed’ at home will be too weak to respond to sexual distractions and cravings from ‘strange’ women.

Sexual intercourse results in a soul tie. It is very difficult to break such bonds because it is spiritual, it is a covenant. That is why it is very crucial that if you are married, sleep only with your spouse and if you’re still single, do not get involved in premarital sex (that’s God’s command). Married couples should avoid habitually denying each other of sex, so as to avoid falling into adultery for denying your body for too long; even Apostle Paul advices against it.

Devil hates happy home and that is always his target. God needs united couples and families to establish His kingdom on earth and devil will stop at nothing in frustrating that plan. Singles who wish to get married to men/women should think twice, God is not in support of this, it is one of the tricks of devil to distort the beautiful future of such singles. Dear beloved single, stop being obsessed with someone else’s spouse.


When last did we talk?

ImagePhilip and Paula are lovebirds, they’ve been married for some years and they have had things going well for them. Their careers keep getting better year after year. The more it gets better the more time it steals from their relationship. It got to a point that communication between both of them became badly affected because they hardly had time to sit together, chat, stroll and look into each other’s eyes like they used to do.


Not too long, Philip stumbled on a text message on his wife’s phone that showed she has been in constant emotional talks with someone of the opposite sex. He was dumbfounded. What did he do wrong? Why would Paula pay him back this way despite how he has been devoted to her? He confronted her and she denied having any sexual relations with her friend but it was so evident that she was too close to this guy; he seemed to know all the things happening to her in recent times which her husband did not know.  


I know of some couples who do not joke with date nights or nights out with each other, they make it a point of duty to observe it regularly or once a month; because they know that it helps them to connect strongly with one another as it fans the flame of intimacy between them. You always have a way of creating quality time for someone you value so much no matter how tight your schedule is.


It is so important that you call your spouse regularly just to express how much you care and value him/her. Learn to send romantic messages to your spouse at work; it helps to reduce the weight of pressure he/she may be facing. Don’t underestimate the power of an emotional message. Words are powerful; they can make or mar our moods. 


Some couples may find it so hard to eat dinner together because they arrive home at different times; however, praying together before bed time is not negotiable. Don’t trade it for anything. Praying couples win together. Try as much as possible to avoid arguments and if they occur, don’t go to bed at night without resolving them. You both form a strong team; successful teammates don’t fight one another, rather they celebrate and watch each other’s back wildly.


When last did you have deep communication? I mean when last did you express your profound feelings for each other without uttering any words? When last did you make love? It may be possible that in between your tight schedules you both tried to have sex, but did you create time for real love making? Don’t get so busy that you do not have enough time to enjoy your spouse at this deepest level.


I will strongly advice that your spouse should be your best friend. This helps both of you to keep bonding despite the pressures you face daily. You start building bridges between you and your spouse when you keep secrets from one another. Don’t fall for the snare of the enemy, protect your love-life and preserve your relationship. Don’t throw away that beautiful thing going on for you as a result of your carelessness and negligence. Learn to be selfless in your relationship to others most especially to your spouse. Whatever happens to your spouse affects you either directly or indirectly so why take the risk of being careless. Believe it or not, your spouse is your life. He/she is your fellow pilgrim in this journey of life, how you treat him/her will determine whether you will enjoy or endure the journey.


It is pertinent that we know that our relationship needs maintenance the same way we care for our fixed assets. A relationship you neglect will suffer. You have the power to make your relationship what you want it to be. Don’t gamble with your love-life. A lot of people are social media savvy at the expense of the emotional wealth of their relationship. Don’t be a social media celebrity/guru at the expense of your home. A sage once said, “it is better to be phoneless than to be homeless” (Roger that). A man/woman is truly wealthy if he/she is healthy emotionally.


If your spouse will have to clamor and struggle always in order to spend quality time alone with you, especially for bonding….watch it…your communication network is weak and needs urgent attention(service). For a woman, real intimacy starts with talk. Create time to listen to her ‘spoken’ and ‘silent’ words. 


So let me ask you, “When last did you talk with your spouse?” You may need to relearn how to talk not only with your mouth but also with your eyes, hands and your whole body. Your spouse’s body language is critical here if you don’t want to lose his/her heart. Re-connect with your spouse now, make that call to him/her, and send that love message, book a date night for both of you. It is well with you.


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Much ado about sex in marriage

ImageHave you ever wondered why a sexually eager spouse is married to someone who is not too excited about sex? Do you know a couple or couples who are about to give up on their marriage because of sex issues? Tell them to hang on and read up this piece before making any serious decision.

Myles Munroe, in his book, The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage has this to say: Marriage involves commitment. Sex has very little to do with commitment; it is a 100-percent physical response to physiological and biochemical stimuli. Sex is one expression of commitment in marriage, but it never creates commitment. By itself, sex neither makes nor breaks a marriage. Marriage is broader and deeper than sex, and transcends it. Marriage is perhaps one percent sex; the rest is ordinary, everyday life. If you marry for sex, how are you going to handle the other 99 percent?

In case you don’t agree with Myles Munroe that the importance of sex in marriage is as low as one percent, let us raise the bar to five percent. If then marriage is five percent sex, how will you handle the remaining ninety-five percent of what marriage entails if you marry because of sex. I always tell singles that if your inability to control your sexual urge is the main reason why you decide to marry, then you have gotten wrong the whole concept of marriage. This is because your spouse will not be available 24/7 to satisfy your sexual cravings. Work or occasion may cause you to drift apart for a short while, so ‘if you no fit hold body’ or learn how to control your sexual cravings, you may likely ‘screw up’ in marriage.

You deserve thumbs up and a pat on the back if you are married and you are on the same page sexually with your spouse. That means you largely do not have issues when it comes to satisfying each other’s sexual cravings. On the other hand, if you are married to someone who seems not to be excited about sex or ready for sex when you are ‘in the mood’, then we need to talk.

I want to believe that you loved your spouse so much before walking down the aisle with him/her, so what happened? Why have you drifted from being great lovers to just friends? Sex is a deep, sweet communication between a man and his wife; it is only healthy in marriage. That seriously means if a married couple do not find time to make love often, they will drift apart emotionally. Sex helps couples connect at the deepest level beyond description, covenant between married couples are always renewed each time they make love.

You can have sex with anyone, even a prostitute, but you can only make love to someone you adore, cherish, respect and feel so deeply in love with. So one of the reasons why your sex life is dragging may be that you have fallen out of love with your spouse. Sometimes, this is possible if you are distracted by someone else who appeals so much to you that you do not mind sharing your deepest intimate moments with; you may be transferring all the emotions that need to be bestowed on your spouse to your new ‘catch’.

What if your husband wants a change in your body shape or size? Please make a conscious effort to work on it because men are easily aroused by what they see. A woman on the other hand needs her emotions and feelings to be fed always with attention and care. A woman you do not connect with emotionally may disconnect sexually.

Now if two sexually eager partners get married as a couple and they enjoy sex a whole lot, they may engage in sex so much that other areas of their marriage that need their attention begin to suffer or lag. On the other hand, if the man and his wife are both not interested in sex, they may do without it for a long time and this will invariably affect their emotional connection and communication; they may stop being lovers and drift to just being friends.  

Marriage needs maintenance, so does your sex life. Therefore, if your partner is less interested in sex, you are in the best position to motivate him/her or learn how to get him/her in the mood. Love him/her the way he/she wants to be loved. Knowing his/her love languages will go a long way. You both will need to talk about it and be honest with one another. This is why I encourage couples to do self-assessment with each other as often as possible to ascertain the healthiness or otherwise of their relationship. In some instances, for example when talking about it is yielding no result, or when you are not making progress while working at it, you may need to book an appointment with a certified sex therapist.

God encourages that you enjoy the wife of your youth. You are not permitted to stop loving that spouse of yours after saying “Yes I do”. It is well with your marriage. I value you greatly.

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