Help! My Spouse has Changed!

Betty is unable to understand her spouse anymore. He seems to have changed from the guy she courted two years before marriage. He is now exhibiting behaviors that are so strange to her. He snaps at her these days and finds intimacy so boring and weird. And oh, they’ve been intimate since their courtship days. It was a way to prove she loved him. She couldn’t deny him sex, not after he proposed to her in front of his family members on his birthday. He showed he desired her above all other women in the world and that is what every woman wants; a man that will make her his ‘numero uno’.

What Betty did not realize is that learning about one’s future spouse or partner stops once they start having sex before marriage. So most of the signs she was supposed to look out for stopped beingvisible to her, she stoppeddiscovering her fiancé and instead started feeding his sexual urge. The senses cease to work once emotions are out of control and sex is involved.

The same way the foundation of a building is important to its durability, so also is the foundation of any relationship. How was your relationship founded?

Relationship is not synonymous to gambling and we should put in conscious effort when we want to enter into it. A spouse does not just change overnight, there would have been signs that had been overlooked….instead of whining or crying over a spouse whose love and affection you’re losing, it is important that you try to find the source of the problem and address it squarely.

Starting out as a cute couple is beautiful, growing together in love and intimacy as the years go by is more commendable. Successful relationships take great work. It is good to be married to a great partner, it is however better to learn how not to take that spouse of yours for granted day in, day out. We are humans and there is the possibility that we change but what kind of change is taking place in our lives; positive change or otherwise? Any change that is detrimental to our spouse is also detrimental to us. Don’t neglect the treasure you are married to at the expense of the temporal flashy distractions in your work place.

Don’t wave aside any slight issue you notice between you and your spouse, create time to talk about it together.

Circumstances, pressures and daily challenges make people change but how we react to and address the change will determine whether we will lose our spouse to change or not. Learn to be patient and accommodating. Avoid situations that make you snap and shout at your spouse. What will make relationships last arenot feelings, emotions or sexual attraction; it is a dogged determination to stay faithful to the one you made a vow to love. Through the changes, the ageing, the sagging of breasts, menopause, old age, illness and fatigue, you promised to be his/her one and only; now it is time to fulfill the promise.

Pick that phone now; apologize to your spouse for speaking rudely or roughly or angrily to him/her in the past. Don’t be deceived, one of the best decisions you made in life is your marriage to that man/woman, don’t think of divorce now because you just met someone who seems to be spicing up your life; it is a temporary excitement, it will soon fade. Go back home to the man/woman you married; it might not be his/her fault that he/she changed, situations beyond his/her control might have caused it. Kindly hold his/her hand and talk about the change; you both can walk through this change gracefully with smiles on your faces; yes you can. Learn to enjoy the beautiful changes that occur in your spouse’s life as you grow old together; you also have to learn how to cope or manage the changes that ‘somehow’ irritateyou….it may look hard but it will not be when you are ‘in love’.Image

How to remain your wife’s best friend for life

It is so great to know that you got married to your best friend because most people do. However, it is not good at all if after few years both of you can’t connect so well or be so much in love like it used to be when you first got married. Lot of responsibilities and commitments may get you so busy that if care is not taken you’ll hardly create enough time for your spouse…this is detrimental to your love life and marriage. Here are a few tips to keep the flame of your love burning and rekindled always with your spouse.

Share her ideas

You need to understand that your wife is a wonderful creature and in the womb of her mind lies wonderful ideas that can help every bit of your life become better. Let her share her ideas with you about your business, ministry or projects. She may really want to start up something of her own like daycare, school, help ministry….encourage her great dreams…motivate her. Listen to her views and opinions of your plans…you may not necessarily agree with her but respect her points…make her feel as the most important person in your life after God…because that is how it’s supposed to be. Don’t discourage her great ideas only for someone outside to appreciate it.


Share her Vision

Your wife was created not only to womb babies but to also carry great visions. She is a vision carrier just like Mary who ‘wombed’ the Savior. Imagine how the testimony of salvation would have been if Joseph vehemently refused to accept the vision of Mary being the mother of Jesus. Your woman has been created to meet an economic need, to solve a community problem and to affect her environment and nation like Dorcas, Esther and Deborah. You have to be beside her to mentor her and lead her right. Give her the motivation she needs to push her out of her comfort zone.

Share her Interests

It is so obvious that many men love to watch sports or read the newspapers or rather listen to news on the TV; but as a man, have you ever taken time to know your wife’s interests? Do you at all know what she enjoys doing? Find out what she loves doing and do it with her even if for the fun of it; this will help the bond between you to be stronger. Sing with her, dance with her, go places with her…it may just be to stroll together. Two cannot walk together except they agree (Amos 3:3). Both of you can find a common interest and enjoy it together. Two people cannot go on a journey together if one is heading towards South while the other wish to travel to the North. Win your babe’s heart over and over again by showing interest in her interests.

Share her Chores

If your wife’s love language is acts of service, you will have to do your marriage a great favor by finding time to assist her at home even if it is the little things like helping her to lift something from one place to the other. No work should be too big for you to do for your spouse. Culture should not dictate to you what you should and shouldn’t do for your spouse. You only have to find out what makes her happy and you do it for her. One of the daughters’ of the Priest of Midian eventually became Moses’ wife and this not just happened; prior to that Moses helped his wife-to-be and her sisters when they came to draw water from the well. He even helped them to water their father’s flock. (Exodus 2:16-17)
How often do you assist your wife? There are some things that you could easily do while she handles some other things. Remain her best friend for life…don’t distant yourself from her to the extent that she starts feeling your absence and start confiding in a third party. Stay by her, value her, cherish her, support her and maintain her beauty…don’t overload her with home chores to the extent that she gets worn-out. Make her be the model you want…the way you ‘use’ her will determine the way she appears in public…if she is no longer attractive like she used to when you first got married….it’s your fault. Let her take time-out sometimes from the house chores…take her out…celebrate her….she is the mother of your kids….your better half.

Share her Challenges

Your wife go through lot of challenges…she goes through a cycle every month and this may cause mood swings. So sometimes she may be in her low points, such times she may not be too friendly. Do not shout on her during these periods…you need to read her like a book to know when she needs you to understand her moods. She is a ‘multi-stage’ personality. Share her joy, pain, tears and laughter, through her waiting period to her conception season, the childbirth time, the weaning of the babies and when the menopause period comes. Her cycle has been built that way and she needs your full support to grow old together with you gracefully. She wants to remain your best friend for life and you need to be a part of her life in whatever she does for this to happen. Don’t be left behind, be carried along, don’t wait till you hear of her exploits from a third-party or from the media before you know that your wife is a celebrity. See the future in her now. Wake up the sleeping giant in her…remain her best friend for life!