Much ado about sex in marriage

ImageHave you ever wondered why a sexually eager spouse is married to someone who is not too excited about sex? Do you know a couple or couples who are about to give up on their marriage because of sex issues? Tell them to hang on and read up this piece before making any serious decision.

Myles Munroe, in his book, The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage has this to say: Marriage involves commitment. Sex has very little to do with commitment; it is a 100-percent physical response to physiological and biochemical stimuli. Sex is one expression of commitment in marriage, but it never creates commitment. By itself, sex neither makes nor breaks a marriage. Marriage is broader and deeper than sex, and transcends it. Marriage is perhaps one percent sex; the rest is ordinary, everyday life. If you marry for sex, how are you going to handle the other 99 percent?

In case you don’t agree with Myles Munroe that the importance of sex in marriage is as low as one percent, let us raise the bar to five percent. If then marriage is five percent sex, how will you handle the remaining ninety-five percent of what marriage entails if you marry because of sex. I always tell singles that if your inability to control your sexual urge is the main reason why you decide to marry, then you have gotten wrong the whole concept of marriage. This is because your spouse will not be available 24/7 to satisfy your sexual cravings. Work or occasion may cause you to drift apart for a short while, so ‘if you no fit hold body’ or learn how to control your sexual cravings, you may likely ‘screw up’ in marriage.

You deserve thumbs up and a pat on the back if you are married and you are on the same page sexually with your spouse. That means you largely do not have issues when it comes to satisfying each other’s sexual cravings. On the other hand, if you are married to someone who seems not to be excited about sex or ready for sex when you are ‘in the mood’, then we need to talk.

I want to believe that you loved your spouse so much before walking down the aisle with him/her, so what happened? Why have you drifted from being great lovers to just friends? Sex is a deep, sweet communication between a man and his wife; it is only healthy in marriage. That seriously means if a married couple do not find time to make love often, they will drift apart emotionally. Sex helps couples connect at the deepest level beyond description, covenant between married couples are always renewed each time they make love.

You can have sex with anyone, even a prostitute, but you can only make love to someone you adore, cherish, respect and feel so deeply in love with. So one of the reasons why your sex life is dragging may be that you have fallen out of love with your spouse. Sometimes, this is possible if you are distracted by someone else who appeals so much to you that you do not mind sharing your deepest intimate moments with; you may be transferring all the emotions that need to be bestowed on your spouse to your new ‘catch’.

What if your husband wants a change in your body shape or size? Please make a conscious effort to work on it because men are easily aroused by what they see. A woman on the other hand needs her emotions and feelings to be fed always with attention and care. A woman you do not connect with emotionally may disconnect sexually.

Now if two sexually eager partners get married as a couple and they enjoy sex a whole lot, they may engage in sex so much that other areas of their marriage that need their attention begin to suffer or lag. On the other hand, if the man and his wife are both not interested in sex, they may do without it for a long time and this will invariably affect their emotional connection and communication; they may stop being lovers and drift to just being friends.  

Marriage needs maintenance, so does your sex life. Therefore, if your partner is less interested in sex, you are in the best position to motivate him/her or learn how to get him/her in the mood. Love him/her the way he/she wants to be loved. Knowing his/her love languages will go a long way. You both will need to talk about it and be honest with one another. This is why I encourage couples to do self-assessment with each other as often as possible to ascertain the healthiness or otherwise of their relationship. In some instances, for example when talking about it is yielding no result, or when you are not making progress while working at it, you may need to book an appointment with a certified sex therapist.

God encourages that you enjoy the wife of your youth. You are not permitted to stop loving that spouse of yours after saying “Yes I do”. It is well with your marriage. I value you greatly.

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Who stole my Virginity?

It was just a kiss, I swear and I never meant to give away my most treasured virtue…my emotions got the better of me, I responded to every touch and advance he showed me and before I knew it….I had passed the stage of no return. I gave myself to him, and in just few minutes I lost my innocence…Ruby sobs as she took the inventory of her affair with Rolex.

A lot of young girls have lost their innocence on the platform of deceit, rape, abuse and inordinate affections. Our young ones have lost their innocence to pornography, masturbation, lesbianism and all sorts of sexual atrocities. Most parents have in the name of making extra income for the family left their first duty to their kids, moral training. Kids now have to learn about almost everything from films, peers and internet. Guardians, uncles and aunts have made preys out of their nieces and nephews, polluting their minds and bodies with sexual thoughts, materials and acts.

My dear damsel, do not raise alarm that you are raped if you decide to dress half-naked on the streets. Do not lodge a complaint of sexual assault if all you do is wear very tight attires that exposes all your “natural endowments”. Before we crucify that guy for abusing you sexually, we have to first find out what you wore that aroused him.

And to you, dear Youngman, I understand the fact that you masturbate to express your feelings or the emotions going on in your body …and did it really make you feel better or it has now become an addiction? Pornography has become your hobby…oh; it’s a secret hobby that you hide from everyone. You were actually not like this some time ago, you were a gentleman that every parents would be proud of and would want their kids to emulate, so the question is, who took your innocence away? What made you go wild? When did you disconnect from God?

You have actually planned to wait till you find the right mate and never to mess up with any girl…but looking at your scorecard now…you really have messed up big time with lot of girls…jilting and abusing most of them….hmmmm…God is watching you. Have you ever heard the phrase…”flee fornication”? Your maker, God, actually commanded you to run away from anything that will pollute and abuse your body. You simply can’t withstand anything in skirts….you have really gone wild and lost control. Why have you allowed yourself to be so influenced by what you know only leads to destruction?
Dear beloved husband, you were not like this when you first got married. In fact, you were the dream of every young bride then, caring, loving and God-fearing; but now, you have become the lion of the tribe of your house. You now live as the dictator at home, we know you are the head of the house but a great leader influences with love by laying good example. You should have known that something has gone wrong when you had to start forcing your wife to obey you. Where have you missed it? What kind of men are your friends; the ones that beat their wives? Oh come off it, the company you keep have a long way in affecting your behavior and belief. I also heard you now have a mistress who explores with you. So you have forgotten the wife of your youth? Strange women only help men to dig early graves, they make demands that your own wife dare not ask you. Why did you decide to go astray? Why did you decide to break God’s heart? You have lost your innocence and hardened your heart; re-trace your steps back home as God is waiting for you just as He did for the prodigal son.

Dear precious wife, it is good to hear that you now earn a fat salary, at least you can help your spouse out with the family finance; but wait, is it true that you have allowed pride to set in. I find it hard to believe that you no longer respect your husband because you feel you too have arrived. Do not pay evil with evil, even if he has once offended you, you do not have to take back your own pound of flesh. Love does not do that, and you can’t make him feel sorry for the wrong he has done to you by paying him back with wrong. You used to be the sweet, gentle, loving and respectful wife….where has your innocence gone? Why did you allow your friends or films influence you negatively? Who stole your innocence? Do an inventory of your life, re-trace your steps and go back to God…