Love and money

Let us recall that God first provided Adam with a job before giving him a wife. We can then conclude that a jobless man has no right getting a wife or how will he take care of his wife if he has no money?  The bible even stated that a man that does not take care of his wife and kids is worse than an infidel. That means money is part of the resources you need as a man to keep your home intact. Yes, your babe can love you so much and can pull through any condition with you but she will not be happy if you cannot meet her financial needs. That means, it okay to be in love but you need money to manage your relationship well. You are going to pay bills and provide food and some other stuff; all these are not going to be possible without money.

Proverbs 31 recorded the lifestyle of a great wife, the virtuous woman. She was an entrepreneur, she has her own source of income, and she not only depended on what her husband can provide. She was up and doing. No woman should be idle; every woman should have at least a source of income. Situations do arise that the husband may have challenges with his source of income, if the woman in his life has no source of income, there’s going to be problem in the house.

I must state here categorically that the woman should not take the responsibility of the man by providing for the needs of the family but she can stand in for the man when he has challenges and she can sure assist him. There is the power of synergy; it means combined efforts will produce a better result than a single effort. That definitely means both man and woman need to be open to each other as regards their finances. They must have a budget for the home. There must be financial planning to run the family. The family is a team and things must be done in unity. Financial accountability to one’s spouse is of paramount importance.

And in situations where the woman is standing in for the man during his financial challenge, she should not see it as if she doing him a favor. She should never look down on him at this period; rather she should look at it as a passing phase of his life. This is the time she needs to show so much support for the man in her life, believing that things are going to be better for him. No matter who earns a higher income between the couple, the other person should not feel intimidated or inferior. Anyone who is better in managing money between the two should be in charge of the finance.

You and your spouse should grow stronger financially as you do in your relationship and in age and this call for wealth creation. You should go for financial empowerment. Financial intelligence is of great importance.  A family that will be strong financially must learn to avoid waste. A wasteful lifestyle is an unhealthy lifestyle. Put priorities in place in your family and where lot of things need financial attention at same time, have your scale of preference where you will list the needs in order of importance. Your love life can be a great one initially but when you start having problems financially, it will be like love turn sour because once needs can’t be met because of lack of money, unhappiness will set in. Money therefore has its role to play in your love life; it helps you add the necessary spice to your spouse’s life. The great wise book endorses that, ‘Money answers all things.’


Caught pants down

Richards rolled over to the other side of the bed, touching his wife lightly on her arm. She has just returned from the ‘ladies’ and seems to have resumed her sleep. It’s just 2.00am and Richards seems not to be sleeping. Rose placed her other hand on his arm, signifying she’s still much awake. ‘Not yet asleep?’ he asked her. ‘I am about to doze off’I can’t sleep, am disturbed’, he replied. ‘Disturbed?’ she turned to face her husband of five years, a man she has come to love and adore. ‘Yes baby, there’s something I need to tell you….’ Both were silent for a while; before Rose decided to speak up ‘Is it about another woman?’ ‘Yes dear’… ’is the woman Linda?’ she asked trying to clear her suspicion. ‘Yes’, he sighed. ‘Did you sleep with her?’ There was another silence before he summoned up courage to talk. ‘Yes I did’. ‘Oh my God’, she sighed….

Tears refuse to come as she quickly sat up on the bed…’am so sorry dear, I know I have messed up but I really need you to help me out…it’s a temptation…I need you to help me come out of this mess..I need you…’ Richards broke down in tears. His wife couldn’t help this time but to cry too. She saw it coming. She suspected the early morning and late night calls from this so called Linda but her husband had always re-assured her that they were nothing to the calls. She had not met the girl but her spirit had always told her the girl had a mission. Only that she did not pray about it.  Oh God, how she had missed it, Richards was every woman’s dream, handsome, outspoken, social, independent and successful entrepreneur…why on earth could this happen to her.

‘Baby please, I need you to help me out of this mess’, Richards cried out again holding his wife. Rose pushed him away. She has been hurt…her heart broken and yes the marriage covenant has been tampered with. Where on earth did she miss it; Rose pondered. She had never denied him sex and even if she has to due to tiredness or any other reason, she had always made it up for him with an appointment. And yes, they were both virgins when they married, so he has been her first and vice versa. Why did he go for another woman? Oh God, and her family, friends and colleagues hold him in high esteem. Why did he let her down so shamefully?  She has to make up her mind on what to do; it is either she throw him the towel by walking out of the marriage or forgives him. How on earth can she ever forgive him after warning him of that same lady?

She stood from up from the bed, not knowing what to do next. Richards reached out again to her, as it was almost 3.00am in the morning. She was about to push away his hand again but before she could do that Richards was already on his knees pleading. ‘For love of God Rose, please don’t leave me, if you do I am finished’. The words were too heavy for her but the hurt was also too painful. She let down the tears…words are not adequate to express her hurt. Both of them have always been great advocate of unconditional love, their lives have been a model to lots of youths around them, so how will these people feel if she walks out of her marriage. And does she really want a divorce? Oh God… she had thought her husband was different and that he will never cheat on her but just few years into their marriage…he failed her.

Richards rose to his feet and embrace his wife. ‘you are the only woman I want to be with…I let down my guard and fell flat…it was a temptation and I fell for it…my conscience won’t let me be because you have been very faithful…please help me get back to my feet dear and I promise you that it will never happen again.’

Rose held on to him tightly as if her life depends on it….but the tears kept flowing because she couldn’t yet come to terms with the fact that he betrayed her trust…

Infidelity destroys trust…It breaks home…It shatters heart and bruises one’s emotions. It however can be forgiven.  That it can be forgiven is not a justification for it.  Why would you on a good day want to sleep with another man/woman other than your spouse? Marriage vows are sacred and must be treated as such. It is not a sin to be tempted but where we err is when we fall for the temptation.

Richard took a big step by confessing to his covenant partner that he had missed it. He took the right step…he did not wait for his spouse to discover it….he has a conscience that is not yet sealed. He felt so bad about the situation he found himself and he opened up to his woman. No matter how bad he may feel; the fact remains that he messed up big time.

Rose has a justification to divorce him because he breached the marriage contract (vow) by committing adultery, but divorce is not the solution. Richards pleaded…he has cried out for help….this is the first time he had ever done that… he deserves to be forgiven and given another chance. He may however need to go for counseling or talk to spiritual mentors who he is accountable to. He will need to work hard to earn his wife’s trust again. Infidelity is a serious crime in marriage and its consequences may be very bad depending on how well it is handled. Don’t just believe it can never happen to you, rather be accountable and open with your spouse. Let your spouse watch your back and do not let down your guard. Don’t be unnecessarily close to someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse. Once you are having strong feelings for someone other than your spouse, seek help on time. Your ability to control your emotions shows that you are matured. Don’t be a prey to the enemy. Don’t hurt your spouse; don’t pull down the lovely home you have built with your hands. Don’t subject your kids to untold heartache. “Drink waters out of your own cistern (of a pure marriage relationship), and fresh running waters out of your own well”– Holy Bible


There’s more to love



There’s really more to love

Love is just so loaded

It’s not just to fall in love

But to really stay in love

Love is simply commitment

It’s staying true to what you promise

To be there in pains

And enjoy the gains together

To be present when it is thick

And not leave when it is thin

Love is more than the feeling

It is more of the giving

It enjoys when laugh comes

And endures the frowns too

Yet it stays unconditional

For when strings are attached

It becomes selfish

And love cannot be selfish

Because it never stops giving

It keeps no record of wrong

It may be hurt but it forgives

Love is when you keep your words

Love is when I don’t break my vows

Love is us when we encourage each other

And never pull down one another

Love may go through the tears

But will wait till the smiles come

For it will never give up

It is not restricted to emotions

For it is a lifestyle.





Jilted…but not defeated

Pretty young woman with arms raised

Most of us have been through different kinds of abusive relationships yet we stay put in the relationship hoping our partner will change after marriage. That exactly is where we go wrong. If s/he cannot change the bad attitudes now it will take a miracle for the change to happen after marriage. This is because we display our best attitudes during courtship just to win our lover’s heart only to relax when we are married. In this edition, I will be discussing the prevalent kinds of abuse people go through in relationships. They are emotional, verbal, sexual and physical abuse.


I was once a victim of emotional abuse. I once dated a guy who could walk in any time of the day to declare that our relationship was over. Each time this happened, I would cry and become very devastated only for him to come back few weeks or days later begging on his knees that his life would be meaningless without me. Going by my love for him, I accept him back easily only for him to repeat his folly few weeks later. This went on and on, the more it repeats itself, the more I became an emotional wreck. In about our one year courtship, I had the relationship ‘broken’ and ‘repaired’ like seven times until I said it was enough. Any man/woman that takes pleasure in making you cry is not worthy to have you. Let me put it this way, if your partner toys with your emotions, then s/he cannot be your spouse. Free yourself before you tie the knot. Remove his/her spell on you before you walk down that aisle. Some supposed lovers will date their partners, use and dump them after promising heaven and earth. Those are the people I call heartbreakers, ‘human-abusers’ and ‘jilters’. No matter the pain you have gone through in the past; do not let it be your end because it is only a bend that will lead to a glorious end. For surely, there is light at the end of the tunnel.


Have you ever been through verbal abuse? Verbal abuse is when you are always put down through utterances and words. If insults, destructive criticisms and words that hurt someone’s self esteem are usually used on you, then it means you are being subjected to verbal abuse from your attacker. The worse is when such person is your lover/partner. Such person make you feel inferior before his/her friends, colleagues, family and well wishers. If you are in a relationship with that kind of a person, then you are in a destructive relationship. Such a relationship will not allow you to be your best. It will only discourage you from discovering and using your potentials. Your fiancé/fiancée should see you as a blessing and not an excess baggage, anything short of this is not worth it.


Rape, incest, sexual assault, prostitution, lesbianism, homosexuality to mention a few are forms of sexual abuse. Sex is designed to be enjoyed between a married man and his wife, anything otherwise is perverse and has consequence. I put it to you that virginity is still a virtue, fornication remains a capital sin. Times may change but foundational principles behind humanity remains unchanged. Save yourself from everlasting guilt and sexually transmitted disease, abstinence from sex is the key if you are yet to marry. For those who were raped or taken advantage of forcefully, there is hope. Don’t live in the pain of the past, seek professional help, go for counselling, and talk to someone who can help you overcome the stigma.  You do have a great future and it is possible to end up marrying someone who will value you and treat you with royalty just as you were created to be.


Anyone that takes pleasure in inflicting physical pain on you through beating or hitting you with hard objects is subjecting you to physical abuse. Some ladies have become slaves in the hands of their ‘macho’ fiancé. They are being molested and hit with hard objects most times for every mistake they do. Some even harm their partners for mere suspicion because they are possessive. If the guy keeps beating you now while you are still courting, he will likely kill and bury you secretly after marrying you. There are some ladies too who are good   in slapping the men in their lives, this is nothing but perversion of the highest order. True love cares; it does not inflict injury on someone. Set yourself free now from that destructive relationship before you lose your life. A word is enough for the wise.


For all those who have been jilted one time or the other, it is not the end of life, do not commit suicide. That s/he walks out of your life means you deserve someone better. Don’t give up on life, you will love again and you will be happy!




When the past comes knocking…

Quinn and Kate had just returned from their honeymoon and were both resting on the bed when Kate’s phone buzzed. ‘Ssssh who could that be’, she muttered and picked her phone to answer the call not interested in the caller’s identity. ‘It’s me Princess’ she could hear her mother’s voice clearly. Not willing to wake up her prince charming, she un-wrapped Quinn’s arms from her body and tiptoed into the bathroom. ‘What is it mum, am still basking in the fragrance of my honeymoon and…’ Her mum did not allow her to finish her statement as there was a matter of urgency that needed her attention. ‘It’s your son Richard, he has been sick since you left for honeymoon and we have been taking care of him, the case however got worse few hours ago when he lost consciousness, he is on his way to the theater as the doctor said the only way to save his life is to carry out a surgery on him immediately’. Kate held her breath, she couldn’t believe what she just heard, she left her five years old son, hale and healthy before her wedding which was followed by her honeymoon. ‘God…Richard must not die, I will die if he does because I went through a lot when his father denied his pregnancy and I singlehandedly took care of him till now’, Kate soliloquized as tears rush down her eyes. And to make matter worse, she never told her spouse, Quinn anything about Richard her son, she tactically hid him so as not to lose Quinn. He had loved and cared for her so much that she didn’t want to lose him because of her son. She was hoping that after their honeymoon, she would be able to ask him for forgiveness and then tell him. All of a sudden, she remembered Quinn must have felt her absence beside him; she turned back to return to the bedroom only to see her spouse Quinn, some meters away from her.

‘Who is Richard?’ he asked looking at her with great confusion. ‘Am so sorry baby, I was hoping to explain everything about him to you after the honeymoon, I didn’t want to lose you because of him,’ Kate said as she knelt down before him weeping profusely. ‘And what makes you think that you will not lose me now?’ he asked with disappointment written all over him. ‘I might as well not know a whole lot of things about you if you could hide the fact that you have a five year old son I have never heard about despite our one and half year of courtship’, he concluded.

No man/woman wants to be kept in the dark as regards his/her spouse. No one wants to be treated as a fool and no one wants his/her intelligence to be played upon. You owe your spouse the responsibility of disclosing any information about your past that needed to be known. Never let it be heard from a third party when you get married or few days/hours to your wedding, it kills trust. No sin is too big to be forgiven; no past is too ugly to be forgotten.  Pour out your heart, stop hiding your wound, let the wound heal. There are some past you may say are inconsequential, but there are some that leave scars, never joke with them. If you hide details of your past from your spouse so as not to lose him/her, what is the assurance that you will keep him/her after marriage when the bubble burst?

We all love our spouses to be sincere, honest and transparent. Openness does the magic in sealing trust in relationships. From the Holy Book, we learnt that, Ruth did not disguise her ‘Moab’ identity to fit it among the Jews. She was transparent and showed that despite her “unwelcomed” identity, she was ready to embrace The God of the Israelites and that endeared Boaz’s heart to her. If you hide things from your spouse-to-be now, you’ll keep hiding things from him/her when you both get married and that is detrimental to your marriage. Great couples don’t hide secrets, they share secrets.

Being open with your spouse helps him/her to watch your back and keep praying for you. You only hide what you are not healed from, you share testimonies of what you are healed from despite its scar; so if there is a past you need healing for, please get help, seek good counselors and advisers. We may not be the cause of what happened to us in the past but we are responsible for how we handle our reaction to it.

When you make mistake and keep hiding it from your spouse, you need to tell lies and compromise some things to keep ‘the covering’ going; the more you do this, the farther you drift from your spouse and the weaker your relationship becomes until you can no longer hold it together and then your cup gets full and overflows for everyone to see. Allow your spouse to cover your nakedness now because he/she has been anointed and called to do so; “they were both naked and not ashamed”… (The Holy Bible).  Don’t wait until your dirty linen is washed in the public. ‘I don’t want him to know I was once married; I don’t want him to know I was once a sex worker; I don’t want her to know I have a child out of wedlock with another woman…” All these secrets and more break up marriages and create unhappy homes when the truth is later revealed to the other partner. Save yourself from future unhappiness, embarrassment and heartaches. Tell him/her all s/he needs to know before you walk down the aisle. If s/he loves you enough…s/he will not leave you despite your past or mistake and s/he will be able to walk through with you in any circumstance you are in life. If s/he decides to leave you for being honest about your past or mistake, it means you deserve someone better, someone like Boaz to Ruth who will love you despite your past or mistake. It is better said now than later when it will be too late to bear.


Till death do us part…


(A special dedication to my spouse on our wedding anniversary)

As we celebrate our fourth year wedding anniversary, above all things I want us to cast our mind back to the vow we made before the whole congregation on the 20th December, 2008; “To love, hold, cherish, stay true to you through every phase of life in thick and thin…till death do us part”.

Looking back I know I may not have been in my best behaviours some of the times but my desire has remained to love you more each passing day, treat you always like the King you are, respect your views and opinions despite I may not necessarily agree with them. I sincerely want you to know that I have enjoyed being your wife and love to continue to till the rest of my life. I want to specially appreciate you for the daily grooming as I see myself everyday growing into the best mum I ever dreamt of. My kids sure will be blessed to have me as their mum.

Most importantly, I want to thank you for the frequent corrections, tutoring and constructive criticisms. Thank you for pushing out the best in me always. I know I am still a work-in-progress but you need to be ‘awarded’ for being instrumental to the better me that is evolving daily. Of a truth, the best of me have always been forced out by you. Thank you for not giving up on our marriage. I sincerely appreciate the husband-wife mentorship relationship we share; I will not trade it for anything. I understand that we are still young and evolving, yet I am very happy walking the journey with you as your best friend, best P.A. and wife, I never wish to walk it with another other than you. If given another chance after this life to live again, I’ll say yes to your proposal over and over again.

All may not have been rosy; I remember the ups and downs. I particularly remember when I had the choice of walking out on us but I never did. Today, I count my blessings and all I can say are thanks be to God who gave us the grace needed to pull through the storms. Our plans are high, our aim is up the sky, and we refuse to dream small for our target is far. As we journey into our fifth year of marriage, let our hope continually be in God, the first person in this relationship; for what we share is a cord that cannot be easily broken, a three cord (God-Man and wife). Challenges will surely come, what we share will truly be fire-proofed but just like gold passes through the furnace and becomes better, so also our union will be. Our kids will call us blessed and our community will be a better one. Great families indeed develop into great communities and great nation. Homes stay strong when the team is united and believes in the strength of each other, watching each other’s back. I believe you are watching my back as I am wildly watching yours. I value you more daily and I know you also do. Our communication line must not break and above all things openness that helped our trust stay strong must not be compromised for great couples don’t keep secrets, they share secrets. You have been specially created to be my king as I have been adorned to be your queen. King of my heart, believe me when I say  I love you today more than I did yesterday and I will stay true to the vows we made till death do us part.


Too close for comfort?


Feyintola had told Bibi that their dinner tonight was a special one as he has something interesting to tell her. Bibi took her time dressing, hoping he will pop up the proposal question, “will you marry me?” She has long waited for this day. She had known Feyin since she was a child. They practically grew up together and he has always treated her right. They went to same elementary school and ended up in same college. He even advised her to apply to same higher institution as his. Although he was a year ahead of her in school, he prepares the ground down for her. He was always there to teach her any difficult subject and this she is ever grateful for. When she gained admission into the University, Feyin became her regular visitor as expected and everyone that knew her concluded she was in a relationship. All along Feyin never ceased to take her out, he appreciates her with gifts and Bibi has come to idolize him. He was special because he sure knows how to take care of a woman. And while in the University, guys generally get scared of coming around the beautiful Bibi because she is always in the company of Feyin when not attending lectures. They are always together. Bibi’s final year in university was somehow boring since Feyin had graduated then but he was always calling her, he made it a point of duty to talk to her every morning, afternoon and night; if not that Bibi loved him so much, she would have said he almost choked her up with his calls. Just last week, Feyin had called that he was through with his one year youth service and will be taking her out to dinner tonight because he has an important information for her.

Feyin arrived in his Toyota Camry and held out his arms for her, she embrace him and held on to him tightly as if her life depends on him. “I miss you dearly”, she heard herself say. “I miss you too Princess”. He wouldn’t want them to waste time as he has important news to tell her. She too couldn’t wait as he half-dragged her into his car. They head to a big restaurant on the Island, her favourite. She placed order as usual as she waits for him for what her ears have been itching for.

“I’ll be getting married in a couple of months”, Feyin declared. Bibi smiled waiting for him to bring out the engagement ring. “I really want you to meet my fiancée, Angel; I have told her how great a friend you are to me…” Bibi couldn’t believe her ears, it all looked like a nightmare, so Feyin has been in a more serious relationship with someone else other than her. Bibi couldn’t wait to hear the rest of his romantic tale as she passed out for shock of what she just heard.

A lot of singles do not define their relationships. Being so close to the opposite sex should have a reason.  Are you both dating, in courtship or just friends? Do not assume you both are dating when both of you are silent about it. Being so close to someone of the opposite sex for years without defining what you both are into is foolishness. If the guy is not talking, the babe should give him space, and when he asks for cause of change in attitude, tell him to define the relationship. Do not enter a blind relationship because it leads to the ditch. Open your eyes wide and know what you are entering into because love is not blind. That you are close to someone does not mean he/she has the intention of settling down with you, so be outspoken don’t assume, ask questions when you don’t know what is going on. If you have feelings towards someone, treat the person right and with time try to know whether the feelings is mutual. And if is not mutual but you are convinced you are in love with the right person, give it time, true love never fails.

There is however a whole lot of difference between friendship, dating and courtship. In all these, we must learn to treat the person of the opposite sex right. Treat the person the way you would want your spouse to be treated by the opposite sex in case your current relationship does not work out. It is morally wrong to double date. Whatever you do, you will reap for the law of harvest does not fail. You should treat a friend the way you want your siblings to be treated, don’t take advantage of them.

You could ask someone out to talk and get to know more about the person, maybe you want to see whether you could share similarities, it’s possible to date someone for months. This could involve going to nice places where you could talk, mingle with other people, so as to see his/her relational skills with people. A period of dating helps you discover a lot of things about the person you are going out with. It opens you to his/her likes/dislikes. Courtship is a period of knowing more about the person you have already agreed to marry. It is advisable that courtship should not be too short because it takes years before you can confidently claim you know all about someone not to talk of someone you just date for months. It is important to state here that sex should not be tried at all during friendship, dating and courtship. Sex is for marriage because it is a strong covenant between the man and his wife. If he/she loves you truly, he/she will wait till you are married before the relationship is consummated.

Don’t joke with expensive utterances like, “I love you”, “you mean the world to me”, “and Life is incomplete without you”. Ladies take words seriously so don’t say it to the opposite sex if you don’t mean it. Promises of love are like bonds. So don’t say it if you are not ready to be committed to it.

The question is; have you defined that relationship you are into? Are you just friends? Is he dating you or you are both in courtship? Never assume what you have not verbally confirmed. He/she may just be too close for comfort. If he is not dating you or in serious relationship with you, never let him/her disturb someone who is interested in you from coming closer. Don’t let him/her be unnecessary canopy over you. Don’t let your “assumed” relationship scare your future spouse from proposing. If he/she is choking you with unnecessary closeness, tell him/her politely, say it and don’t be rude about it. Friendship is precious and must be cherished while it lasts but do not assume you are in relationship with someone when both of you have not agreed on such. You will succeed!



The lover’s Heart


This is a blog for every man that must be read by the woman in his life. It is a love letter from a precious wife to her great husband. It is an outpouring of every word she has in mind to her lover.

Do you think we should call any man “good” who dares lift up his hand to slap his wife? The woman was specially created to add beauty to her man’s life but when you men refuse to adore and treat us with tender care, how do you want us to respond? The man is naturally created to be a giver, which simply means he only receives double if not more of what he gives his woman. Give love to your woman and earn unlimited joy. Shower her with praise and see her treat you like the King you are. Respect her and she will guard your life with all she’s got.

“I remember one of the text messages I sent to my spouse some years ago, it reads, “Give me a house and I’ll turn it into a home for you; give me a chapter of your dream book and I’ll deliver a best seller book to you, plant your seed in me and I’ll give you great kids in return; give me just little money and I’ll cook a king’s delicacy for you; give me daily smiles and I’ll make you happy all the days of your life. Proverbs 31:12.”

That was an excerpt from my book, Embodiment of Grace: What every woman should be to her man

Every good husband should be a great lover. A good husband is the man who is up to the task of making his wife happy. Every woman is beautiful; it only takes the lover’s touch of her man sometimes to bring back the faded beauty. Some women are living in misery today because they fell in the hands of the “bad men”. Embedded in every man is goodness and greatness, all you need to do is treat that woman of yours with all sweetness. Do not forget to always tickle the girl in her. She really wants to be carried at times and do not forget to buy her gifts. I hope you still remember the gifts she loves after all you courted her before marrying her. She wants to be carried on your back. And oh she needs you to be more romantic and be her boyfriend all over again. This is because she loves to play with you. Throw the pillows, walk hand-in-hand in the garden, go for vacation together. Let her take a day off from the kitchen once in a while, you can decide to take her out for dinner or lunch. Date that woman of yours all over again.

Your woman needs you to fall in love with her over and over. She only needs you to never stop loving her through the thick and thin. She needs you not to keep secrets, it hurts her when you don’t trust her enough with your struggles and defeat; and this is because she wants to comfort you being your number one cheer leader. She knows you are human and needs help at times. She is always there waiting for you to lean on her shoulder when your strength can no longer carry you.

Who say men don’t cry? Your wife wants to wipe those tears away before they find their way down your cheeks, she wants to always soothe your pains away ; only that you keep shutting her out of your life. You are her hero, mentor and role model. She wants to share your sad moment and celebrate your victory with you. So she needs to hear that she is very important in your life and comes before the kids. She does not want to be relegated or substituted. She wants to be re-assured always that she is your “one and only” and still occupies the hottest spot in your heart. Most importantly, she wants to grow old with you finishing strong.

Lessons from Delilah


Let me start by reminding you that Delilah was specifically asked to seduce Samson and she did just that. She has ever since been immortalized for that great feat, conquering a great man. Every husband is great inclusive of yours and every man wants his wife to be his “seductress”. If you are not able to keep seducing your spouse, some else will do it, and a man’s mind has the ability to keep remembering the one who has the power to get him easily aroused. I hope you are aware that men are easily aroused by what they see and are usually captivated by what arouses them? So a wife who easily arouses her spouse is a woman whose husband will keep remembering every hour of the day. Have you ever been in love that your lover keeps calling you on phone at intervals just to hear your voice or to simply say “I love you”?                                                                                                                          What simply happened then is that he just can’t stop thinking about you. Most women have lost their homes because they are too holy to play “the harlot” or mistress to their husbands. For Christ’s sake, he is your husband, don’t dress like a warrior who is fully kitted while going to bed. The fact is if he is not tempted by you at all, he will outside. In the words of Bisi Adewale, President of College of Marital Success, “You cannot keep a man who your outlook cannot captivate”.

 Why not occupy your man’s mind thoroughly by displaying all for him least he satisfies his appetite outside. Wear things he loves for him in the bedroom, read books on how to be a “terrific wife”. Spice up your sex life with your spouse, don’t be a dull partner. Ways in which you can seduce your spouse include your wears (wear seductive clothes only for him at home), treat him like a King (every man is the king of his home).Don’t deny him your body. A man will easily stick to the woman that treats him right, if you don’t treat him right, someone outside is begging to do so and will in turn keep your spouse, God forbid! Cook him nice meals. A Nigeria adage says, “The way to a man’s heart is his belly”. Open the tap of your brain, think of what you can cook with what you have and ‘oops’ please know your husband’s best meals. It may mean going an extra mile to get his favorite meal ready but please do it so as not to lose his heart; it will make him love you more.

Delilah exposed Samson’s secrets to his enemies. Every man wants a woman who can be his confidant and keep his secrets. Delilah missed it at that point. Do not announce to the world or your friends information confided in you by your spouse, so as not to lose your home. Have a treasure vault in your heart or brain where you can keep vital information about your relationship or love life with your spouse. Records have shown friends losing spouses to each other simply because they have talked too much about some things about their spouses’ private lives that supposed not to be exposed. They have in turn given out their treasure to the swine.

You have to discover your spouse’s strength. Delilah took time to know her lover’s strength only that she used it against him. Study your spouse and know his strength areas, read him like a book. Then, try as much as possible to strengthen him in that area, contribute positively to make him better. You should also know his weakness so as to help him overcome it if possible or manage it to the minimum level.

The greatest book of wisdom, Bible, made us understand that Delilah tormented Samson in other to get the needed information from him. Men hate when their wives nag and torment them. When we nag our men, we push them out. The more we nag or torment them, the farther we push them away. Men love peace and will always pitch their tents with any woman who gives them such. Your man may not have it all today to give you but learn how to appreciate the little he was able to do in the past. A grateful heart never lacks, it is natural. You lose respect when you nag. There is a way of getting your request across without nagging. The reason why harlots easily rip off men is because they make their requests known when giving the men the pleasure they need. It is a give and take. Men naturally are built to give regardless of how rich their wives are but your man may never give you if you ask him the wrong way. We are naturally built to respond to appreciation, so when you appreciate for the little he did in the past even if he did nothing, “haba”, he will be propelled to do more.

On a last note, Delilah put Samson’s head on her laps. Wow! That is an “Almighty formula”. Learn to put your husband’s head on your lap. She turned her lap to his pillow no wonder he surrendered his total strength to her. Putting his head on your lap means providing a beautiful, quiet and stress-less place of abode for him where he can rest from the stress of the day. The sad news is that the opposite is the case in most homes, instead of giving him rest; he receives stress in return. This has chased lot of men into the arms of Delilah out there who is ever waiting to accommodate a man whose wife has denied care, love, attention, romance and peace.

In the words of David O. Adeoye from his book titled: Busy-ness or Business, “…If the atmosphere of your home is not healthy enough to revitalize you, you’ll always go to work tired and wounded. Whenever you leave the market place as a business person discouraged, you are supposed to get back the next day encouraged. If you left wounded, you are supposed to get back healed”.

Let’s learn the good lessons from Delilah and abstain from her negative attitudes least we lose the men we love to the woman we hate (Delilah).

Let the wounds heal…


“I will never love again”, Ladi stated emphatically as he bore his heart to his best friend Kola who was tired of telling him to move on and forget his supposed fiancee who ditched him a month to their wedding. That exactly was six years ago when Lauren called to tell Ladi that their dream of being together as husband and wife was over. It was a rude shock for him but he kept convincing himself that it was a joke and that his babe would eventually change her mind. Six years after, he still lived in the illusion that his once fiancee  Lauren who he has refused any form of contact with him will one day change her mind and if not, then he won’t marry anyone else.

“She was my first love”, he kept telling anyone that cared to listen; “and she will remain my only love.” he usually concludes. “Can’t you see that she does not love you again?” Kola asked him. “She never stopped loving me,” he snapped. “It is so obvious that you do not want to face reality friend, if she loves you enough, she will never have walked out of your life one month to your wedding”, Kola told his friend. Ladi shook his head, no one seems to understand him, they don’t know how much he hurts for Lauren. She is everything and more of what he ever dreamt for in a wife. She brought beauty to his life when she came in and it seems she has taken away the same beauty the day she walked out. When she announced the ‘call-off’ of their relationship, he had run to her house to beg her, he remembered crying his heart out that she meant the world to him, but Lauren seems to have made up her mind. She said it was just over and marriage between them would not work. It was some months later that he heard she got married to someone else. Ladi couldn’t bring himself to love someone else because he believed that a tangible part of him had gone with Lauren. Gosh, he gave that relationship his best. And to think of it, he had already bought her wedding dress. Lauren had the wedding dress parceled back to him. He still has the dress in his closet and he usually check out the dress with tears in his eyes, hoping and praying that Lauren would one day come back to her senses and elegantly walk down the aisle with him.

Much as the above is a fiction, there are lot of people whose hearts have been broken like Ladi and have refused to go on in life, hoping for a sweet yesterday that will never come. It is okay to get injured but it is bad to remain wounded for life. Someone may toy with your feelings once but never allow him/her cage your heart forever; let the pains of yesterday go. It hurts to go through disappointment but it hurts more to refuse to get over the disappointment.

In same vein, there are lots of men/women whose spouse walked out of their marriage and this has left them devastated. It is so painful to feel betrayed by one’s spouse after putting so much in a marriage but it is more awful to remain sad for the rest of your life. Learn to forgive your spouse and yourself. Some people blame themselves for things that go wrong. It is okay to take the blame for whatever wrong that happened but it is not okay to blame yourself forever. Forgive yourself and let the wounds heal. Can you for once remember the good you did? Can you please try to celebrate yourself today, make yourself happy and let’s see how that will affect how you feel? Can you try to take yourself out, treat ‘you’ to a nice time and for once forget the misery you went through in that relationship? Sweetheart, there is always ‘the light’ waiting for you at the end of the tunnel. Don’t give up on life simply because s/he walked out of that relationship or because you failed that job interview or lose the contract. No one has the power to make you sad without your consent. It is okay to cry over a sweet relationship turned sour but you have an obligation to get over the bitter past and live for a beautiful tomorrow. Loaded in your tomorrow is a package of beautiful life, don’t trade it with your untreated wounded heart, so let yesterday go, forget the past and determine to live again. You have a right not to love again because you lost a beloved spouse or had your heart broken but you will do yourself no good by refusing to let the wound heal. So, get the healing balm, take yourself out, keep good company, listen to good music, read great books /articles; watch inspiring films and be positive about life. You will succeed!