Married but crushing on someone else

About two years ago a celebrity friend of mine asked me if I have ever fallen in love with someone else since I got married. LOL…that to me looks like a JAMB question so I asked him to answer the question first before I give my answer. His answer was yes and mine was same. Aha…wait before you crucify me, I know there is a thin line between lust and love and sometimes we may have been infatuated with someone else and think we are in love with the person.

I know we have been taught to fall in love over and over with our spouse and never be distracted with a strange woman or man. But the reality is intimacy in marriage is intentional. To keep falling in love with your spouse continuously takes work, yes hard work. Marriage is not for lazy folks. You see, distractions will come, in fact you may think you did not make the best marital choice if you decide to check out every person that catches your fancy.

For the married, it is very important to constantly ask yourself ‘why did I get married to him/her in the first place?’. I am sure you were so much in love with this person before you married him or her. What are those things you ‘fell’ for? (if indeed you fell in love then LOL). An honest answer to these questions is the first move in redirecting your focus and attention to the one you love.
What about the singles who are engaged and courting, planning to walk down the aisle yet crushing on someone else? You may need to pause to dot your Is and cross your Ts. You really need to pause to know if your heart is sending you a signal you need not ignore. It will be very bad to be married to one person and be connected emotionally to someone else. Pressures should not be the reason you want to marry. Love should be the reason. In the words of Praise Fowowe, ‘Love is a decision that is based on a commitment to add value to someone else for the rest of your life without expecting a thank you’.

It is very good for singles to go for pre-marital counselling before walking down the aisle. It is not a good experience to be married and wishing to be single all over again. Take all the time you need to make the choice that will walk through the journey of life with you no matter what you face.

Make it a weekend to Remember

One way to revamp your relationship with Le Boo is to spend quality time with him/her. So I just mapped out 10 things you both can engage in together this weekend. All you need to do is to choose what works out for both of you. Remember that great relationships are products of intentional living by each of the partners involved.

1. Learn a new activity together – Take a dance or photography class or learn how to play monopoly; at least that will enhance your knowledge on financial intelligence.

2. Movies with a twist – Instead of haggling over drama vs. action and settling on a comedy flick to keep the peace, why not leave it up to chance. Close your eyes and pick. Whatever it is, both have to agree to honour the choice or it’s not fun.

3. Have an indoor picnic – Serve dinner on a picnic blanket laid out in the living room. Open a bottle of wine with some favorite finger foods. An indoor picnic can be even more fun and romantic than a traditional outdoor one. It’s quieter and no interruptions!


4. Go to the theater – The Theater is a date favorite. It’s a little classier than a movie and you get to dress up and soak in some culture.

5. Recreate a memorable date – Think of a favorite past date, something that means something special to you as a couple; where you first met, your first date together, where you professed your love or popped the question.

6. Game night – You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a good time. Try a play date instead. Pick up a deck of cards and aboard game for an indoor date.

7. Play sports – Hit the golf course, tennis court, or any other sport that catch your interest.

8. Attend a concert – Live music is always a great way to spend a date. Get tickets to a big name act or enjoy a local band in the park, or a local club.

9. Go to the beach – Lie in the sun, take a swim, or skip some rocks. A day at the beach is a fun date. Why wait till public holidays before going to the beach?

10. Volunteer – Spend some time at a local shelter or food kitchen or even join a community beautification project. Helping others can actually be a great way to spend time together and do some good in the process. You can even spend time at the orphanage with children who need a parent figure.

I hope this makes sense, and that your weekend be memorable with your spouse and all yours.

To sizzling romance today and always.

When last did you hug your Spouse?

adobe-spark-1How often do you hug your Spouse?

Did you know that by hugging your spouse you immediately give them the benefit of boosting their
oxytocin levels; and that oxytocin levels are responsible for how a person feels. So a simple hug can
reduce the feelings of loneliness, isolation and anger for your spouse.

Did you know that when you hug for several moments you can lift their levels of serotonin and this
can improve your spouse’s mood?

Did you know that a hug between you and your spouse can reduce blood pressure and stress? And
When you help your spouse release their stress it can make a marriage stronger.

Did you know that a hug a day keeps the doctor away? Hugging daily is important because you can
keep your spouse healthy.

Did you know that when you hug there is an easy pressure that is placed on the sternum which creates an emotional charge activating the Solar Plexus Chakra, stimulating the thymus gland, which takes care of body’s production of the white blood cells and those keep a person free from disease and healthy?

Did you know that when you hug your spouse daily the non-verbal physical contact will help them sleep better? Better sleep leads to an array of benefits for your spouse. Studies have shown that a hug lowers stress, which means better sleep.

Did you know that Hugging can lead to kisses and kissing may lead to more intimate moments? A hug a day can improve the intimacy in your marriage. It can even lead to a more vibrant sex life.

Did you know that you should hug your spouse each and every day as an act of showing your love to them? Giving a hug is one of the simplest ways to show your love. Anytime, anywhere a hug can is a healthy reminder to your spouse of why you love them so much.

It’s now time for you to go and hug your spouse each and every day, so that your marriage will become stronger.

I just shared 7 Benefits of Hugging Your Spouse Every Day and it is an excerpt from How to Honeymoon for Life.

How to Honeymoon for Life 3

There is no relationship that can survive without commitment. No matter the tips I dish out here on how to honeymoon for life, try them 10x over, they won’t work without commitment. Commitment is what makes couple stay together forever taking steps everyday to better each other’s life.


Today I want to share something I tagged ‘the lovers’ creed’. They are five words or phrases that lovers who intend to stay together beautifully don’t joke with.
They are:

1. I LOVE YOU: This may sound so common but not saying it often may mean that you are taking your spouse for granted. Be creative about it, don’t just say I love you, say words like, ‘I value you’; ‘You mean so much to me’; ‘I do not take you for granted’. Great words like these are countless; explore the power of words to beautify your relationship.

2. FORGIVE ME/I FORGIVE YOU: Great Lovers are made of givers and forgivers. You cannot honeymoon for life when you keep records of wrong doings of your partner. Be quick to forgive and to profess your forgiveness even if you are not the one at fault. Don’t win the war (fight in your relationship) and end up losing your relationship. Be ready to make sacrifices to make your relationship work. Marriage is selflessness personified.

3. I AM SORRY: This is much related to the above. It is easy to say forgive me and not mean it from your heart. Do always show how sober you are after disappointing your partner; action speaks louder than words. Your body language goes a long way when asking for forgiveness.

4. PLEASE: When asking for favour, don’t demand for it as if it is a right from your spouse, show courtesy. Courtesy has never killed anyone, rather it has helped strengthened countless relationships.

5. THANK YOU: Never get tired of appreciating the one you love. Nothing retains one’s smile like remembering one’s spouse is always grateful and thankful. So today, grab that phone and send a thank you text to the one you love and you will be amazed at the feedback.

How to Honeymoon for Life 2

Hello beautiful souls, it’s a great day. We started a series yesterday on How to honeymoon for life. We established that it is important to write out our relationship/romance goals and also create a romance/relationship vision board. It is necessary that you do those two if you are determined to honeymoon for life. Now let’s take this higher…

Let me start with this; think not what your spouse will do to make you happy rather think of what to do to spice up his or her life always. And this takes us to love language. I know you must have heard of love language countless times but the truth is, it does magic to relationships. When you speak your partner’s love language, it shows you are not selfish and you care about what makes him or her happy. I love the way my Mentor defines love; he says, ‘love is a commitment to keep adding value to someone’s life for the rest day of your life without waiting for thank you’. That may sound harsh but it is the raw meaning of unconditional love.

Your spouse’s love language can be physical touch, receiving of gifts, quality time, words of affirmation or acts of service. Now, it is possible to have a combination of two or more love languages; where one will be in greater percentage that the other love language(s). It is possible to identify your spouse’s love language by observing how he or she appreciates people. Please note that what hurts also instructs. What is that thing that will hurt your spouse if you fail to do it to him or her? That ‘thing’ is his/her love language. For instance, if you fail to hug your spouse the way he/she wants and he or she gets angry because of this; it means physical touch (hug) is his/her love language.


Now you get the drift, today, go find out what your spouse’s love language is and build his or her emotional bank. Did you find this post helpful? If yes, click like or drop a comment. Tomorrow we will delve deeper into this topic. Do have a romantic day!

How to Honeymoon for Life


Great relationships are result of intentional daily actions by each of the partners involved.

Do you desire to honeymoon for life? I know your answer is yes. Alright then, in the next few days I will be dishing out great tips that can help you achieve the romantic family of your dreams.

Begin today by writing down your relationship goals.
What kind of home do you want with your spouse?

Describe the kind of romance you want to exist between you both.
How often do you both want to hang out?
How intimate do you both want to be?

The next thing you need to do is create a romance or relationship vision board.

I know you must have heard of vision boarding before. So now, you create one for your relationship. Cut out pictures of couples on romantic date or vacation and paste them there. Surf the internet or cut pictures from magazines of couples playing together and in happy mood and also paste them there. Visualize the kind of home you desire.

It is easier to achieve what you see constantly starring at you on your vision board. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married, you can rekindle the flame of your love and romance and make it hot and spicy. It begins with you, so start by writing out your relationship goals same way you write out your financial goals and then go ahead and make a vision board out of them. A romantic relationship is achievable!

Letter to my Past


Did you remember that I mentioned that Martha used to dread sex? Yes, she once had fear of sexual intimacy with her husband Matt. Her husband specifically told me that she doesn’t look forward to intimacy and she has refused to tell him why. He tried to be patient with her but he seems to be tired to cajoling her to make love each time he is in the mood. What was supposed to be pleasure has turned out to be spiced with a lot of pressure.

I took time out with Martha; it was all written in her eyes, that there was something she is hiding, a past that has refused to heal. Martha was raped by her maternal uncle when she was six years and that singular incident changed her life forever.

For twenty years she struggled with self esteem and dreads any man coming near her. It was a miracle that she agreed to marry Matt who she never allowed to touch her till many days after their wedding. I told Martha that the journey to having a great relationship with her husband starts with forgiving her rapist and letting go of all the hurts. She needed to seek healing because the past was tearing her apart.

One thing I made her do was to write a letter to her past. I made her vent all her stored up anger on the piece of paper. She cried as she poured out bottled up emotions in words to her uncle who took her innocence and stole her virginity. Matt who watched from my PA’s desk couldn’t hold back the tears either. I remember holding Martha’s hand as I told her to call forth her uncle’s name and declare forgiveness. It was a hard nut to crack yet it was great seeing her go through closure after many years of internal pain and trauma.

It was after this healing process that she started learning to love her body and accept Matt’s show of affection. Matt learnt how to be gentle with her as she learns to accept his touch and take it one step at a time.

Pains of yesterday should never be carried into the future. Hurts from past relationships can hinder happiness of future relationships if not well taken care of. We may not be able to stop people from hurting us but we can determine how long we want to feel the pain.

He Proposed…She said No! So what?

My attention was drawn the story of a young man making news on the social media of recent. He went out with his supposed girlfriend to a popular shopping mall and proposed to her right in the midst of the crowd. Guess what? The babe gave a blatant NO!

How do you expect the guy to feel? His ego will be hurt, he will be disappointed and ashamed. He may even feel very angry at himself for putting himself in that position and with his girlfriend for giving him a NO. Above all, he will be unhappy.
Despite this, it is not the end of the world, he shouldn’t lose hope on life because a lady he so much love do not consider him qualify to be her life partner.

More so, the man should have known if the lady was into him or not before proposing in the public. He could have tested her privately with suggestive questions similar to the proposal before coming to the public to embarrass himself. Before you can propose to a lady in the public, you must have made her anxious and be looking forward to when you will pop up the question.

Same way, lot of ladies have been heartbroken because they have fallen in love with men who have no feelings for them or plan to have them as life partner for the future.

So how do you handle such situation when you get a No from a proposal.
-Try as much as possible not to be angry. It may not be easy but it is the best way to keep yourself save.

-Remember it is not the end of the world. Most times, what awaits us in the future is always better and finer than what we regret not having in the present.

-Try as much as possible to get busy doing something profitable. Engage your mind positively. Idle mind will make your heart wandering and throwing a pity party for yourself.

-Do things that make you happy. Listen to great music. Watch interesting films and hang around people that can make you laugh.

-More importantly, you may have to talk to someone whose counsel you respect in case you are losing your mind or not better in days. You know that slogan that usually accompanies drug adverts on radio and television , ‘if symptoms persists after a few days, do consult your doctor’ (smiles). A Relationship counsellor or Mind Therapist will be of great help.

She said no to your proposal, so what? It is not the end of the world, it is only a bend that will lead to a glorious end. I believe so and I need you too to do so. All the best.


Romance is big deal in marriage

ighodaloMelody was in a hurry, she had to be at the airport in the next three hours to catch her flight to Texas. She is billed to minister at an international family conference. Meanwhile a couple has been waiting in her office to see her for counseling; they have vowed not to leave until they see her. It looks like an emergency;her PA sent a message to her via blackberry messenger to inform her that the couple says they are just a few minutes away from divorce. The word ‘divorce’ struck Melody, she will have to see this couple and she hopes to be done in good time so she meets up with her flight.

‘Drive straight to my office, a couple needs me now’ she instructed her driver. It was not long before she arrived at her office and came face to face with the couple. They looked so young and beautiful together, ‘why on earth would you want out of your marriage?’ Melody asked the couple. The husband pointed to his wife, ‘she says I’m boring, she claims she was happier when she was single. I want her happiness. If letting her go will make her happy, I’m willing to do that’, he concluded looking more confused than sad.

Melody turned to the wife who was already in tears; she waited for her until she could find her voice. ‘He doesn’t understand me. He is not always there when I need him. He doesn’t know how to touch me the way I want to be touched. He doesn’t know how to feed my emotions. He often forgets I love to be hugged, touched and pampered. I hurt emotionally. I want out’ she blurted out.

‘What if he learns how to touch you, hold you and feed your emotions the way you want, will you stay and fight for your marriage?’, Melody asked. The woman’s face lightened up at the question, she looked straight at her husband’s face and looked back at Melody and gave an affirmative nod. Melody smiled as the husband made a sigh of relief.

Melody turned to the man, ’learn your wife’s love language and work with it’. She then faced the woman, ’Lauren, turn to your husband and tell him how you want to be loved and touched’. It was a touching moment as Lauren poured her heart out in tears to her husband of three years. Lamide couldn’t hold back the tears in his eyes as he watched and realized how the things his wife desire are so far apart from the way he has been treating her all these years. ‘I don’t just want us to have sex. I want us to make love always. I want you to care about how I feel when we do it. Not just about you getting satisfied but also being concerned enough to find out whether I enjoyed it or endured it’, Lauren concluded.

‘I am sorry, I never knew this was how I made you feel all this while and you never told me’, he lamented. ’You were always busy making money, too busy to notice how I feel’, she replied. They continued their dialogue and poured their hearts out as Melody watched on, it took them several minutes to notice that Melody was waiting for them to finish. She smiled at them, they are much better than how they were when she sighted them almost two hours ago.

‘I recommend that you take a short vacation to rediscover yourselves. Learn each other’s idea of romance as well as each other’s love language’. Laugh, play and if possible cry together. You need to hold nothing back from each other’. ‘I look forward to seeing you stronger and better together when I come back from Texas’, Melody concluded as she prayed with the couple.

‘Mission accomplished’ Melody smiled at herself as she made her way to the international airport, another family had just been saved from divorce; she is living her purpose.

Help! My Spouse is moving in opposite direction….

  ‘Can two Individuals walk in same direction without first agreeing to do so? ‘- Prophet Amos

It is so frustrating to be married to someone who doesn’t believe in your vision or dream. It is energy draining to be soul knitted to someone who doesn’t see the future you paint and anticipate. Nothing is as beautiful as having a partner/spouse who is your number one cheerleader. It is great synergy to have a lover who watches your back as you go to the field to do what you are called to do; what you are specifically configured for.

I put it to you that it is pertinent to have purpose before partner. It is better to know the future you anticipate before you ‘drag’ in your future partner into the picture. You may need to ask Mary who ‘wombed’ the Messiah how frustrating it was initially when her spouse Joseph didn’t initially believe her purpose of birthing the Messiah. God your creator knows you need a supporting spouse to function well and finish strong. This He proved when He threw all His weight behind Moses’ wife Zipporoah when she was criticized and victimized by her in-laws for belonging to a tribe God instructed them not to marry from. Now wait, it was this same God that instructed Moses’ tribe not to marry from Midian where Zipporoah emanated from. It was Zipporoah’s father that housed and catered from Moses when he fled from Egypt because the enthroned Pharaoh was after his life for defending the people of Israel. Moses needed to stay away from the public for a while to prepare him for the great task ahead of delivering the children of Israel from captive. Zipporoah’s father, Jethro not only provided the place of abode for Moses but also gave him his blessings for him to marry his daughter.

While courting, Moses took time out to explain his vision to Zipporoah, he told her how he awaits a time when his people would be delivered from the captive; how it would happen however remain clueless to him. Zipporoah believed his vision despite having a ‘foreign’ origin.

Fast forward to the burning bush experience; it was time for Moses to go deliver his people from the slave master and guess what he got his wife’s support and blessings and I am sure she kept praying while Moses went ahead to challenge Pharaoh (phew!)

Fast forward to when the nation of Israel got their freedom and was on their way to their promise land, Moses’ siblings scorned and despised Moses for marrying from a forbidden tribe. It was a slap on Moses’ face and that of his spouse; but guess what? God was so proud of all the support that Zipporoah gave her husband all through and He had no choice than to punish Moses’ siblings for their insolence. God knows it is suicidal to go on a mission or embark on a vision whose success has many lives attached to it without YOU having the full support of your soul mate; this is critical. There is so much to share on this topic …

To this effect, my faculty and I will be teaching singles in MENTORING SINGLES master class on 4th, 5th & 6th September and we have decided to include this topic SELF DISCOVERY: Finding Purpose before Partner in our course outline. It is a course that is deep and compulsory for everyone that desires fulfillment in life and marriage. Take advantage of this awesome experience; Send ‘ September masterclass as subject of the mail; your full names and whatsapp number to and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Your beautiful future has begun already. I believe, do you?help edited