Conflict Resolution in Relationships – Ep. 9

iStock_000007163791Smallbanner2

You may need to make that call

Send an email

Or make a personal visit to that friend, sibling, parent or ‘bestie’ who you had a feud or quarrel with after listening to my latest pod cast ‘Conflict Resolution in Relationship’.

The reason is because people do bad things with good intentions and the reason you are not in good terms with that person is because s/he may be arguing with you or misunderstand you because s/he is operating based on his/her model of the world. I also had my own share of experience with my ‘bestie’, now I know better.

In this pod cast, I shared about the Grammy Award Nominated Angie Stone who had an altercation with her daughter Diamond and resulted into Angie being jailed for physical assault on her daughter.

It is okay not to agree with a point of view of your loved one but how you communicate it can make you win the battle and still lose the war. This is my best pod cast yet and I need you to listen to it.

Here’s episode 9 of Empowered Emotions. Today I share with you how to handle conflict in your relationships.

Conflict resolution is a skill you need to learn as you build a happy, healthy relationship. Learn how as you listen to this episode.

Play

Healthy Habits, Healthy Relationships pt2 – Ep. 7

Here is the second part of last week’s episode – Healthy Habits, Healthy Relationshipshealthy habits part 2 blog pix

in this episode, I discuss two kinds of exciting exercises that couples can engage in that will make them bond deeper and better.

one of it is dance, yes dance and the other is SEX (strictly for married couples).

I highlighted ten (10) benefits of sex…Wow! you need to download this, listen to it and recommend it to others.

Play

Guard your heart against Heart breakers

wpid-for-my-blogYour heart is so precious and should not be toyed with. A lot of times we attract wrong people into our lives and then wonder why they treat us badly. Anyone who does not place value on you will not treat you well.

Let me start by asking you what value you place on yourself. A lot of times we see signs from a prospective heart breaker, yet we ignore them and reassure ourselves that what we feel for our partner is enough to take care of our relationship. Love should not be one sided. For a relationship to survive, affection and devotion must be mutual. It should be a two way thing. It should be symbiotic and not parasitic.

In a relationship, the communication line must be kept open. Are you both making effort to reach each other as often as you can or is the effort that of one person alone?  If she calls all the time and he never makes an effort to reciprocate unless when he needs something from her, he is a predator. If the only time she ‘flashes’ his phone or send text messages is when she wants something from him; she won’t last long in that relationship.
As a single person, if all your partner is asking for is sex and he/she can’t be disciplined enough to wait till you exchange marital vows. Watch it! You are courting a heart breaker.

If you have aborted for him once and he is still not ready for marriage but he keeps asking for sex, you are probably a play thing in his hands and he will soon do away with you.

A lot of us don’t know we need to first commit our hearts to God before we commit it to men. A man who has no regard for what God says about sex or sin will not find it difficult to cheat on you. Someone who keeps friends with womanizers and adulterers will soon tread that path if he does not change company.

It is good to admire the shape or the figure of that guy or babe but it is more rewarding to look out for the kind of future that person projects.

Let me conclude with the advice I usually give singles when they ask for counsel just as they are about to  start a new relationship; ‘Fall in love with your heart but don’t let your brain go to sleep while in love, open your eyes and be sure to observe and address all negative signs’. May you never be a victim of serial abuse!

He Proposed…She said No! So what?

My attention was drawn the story of a young man making news on the social media of recent. He went out with his supposed girlfriend to a popular shopping mall and proposed to her right in the midst of the crowd. Guess what? The babe gave a blatant NO!

How do you expect the guy to feel? His ego will be hurt, he will be disappointed and ashamed. He may even feel very angry at himself for putting himself in that position and with his girlfriend for giving him a NO. Above all, he will be unhappy.
Despite this, it is not the end of the world, he shouldn’t lose hope on life because a lady he so much love do not consider him qualify to be her life partner.

More so, the man should have known if the lady was into him or not before proposing in the public. He could have tested her privately with suggestive questions similar to the proposal before coming to the public to embarrass himself. Before you can propose to a lady in the public, you must have made her anxious and be looking forward to when you will pop up the question.

Same way, lot of ladies have been heartbroken because they have fallen in love with men who have no feelings for them or plan to have them as life partner for the future.

So how do you handle such situation when you get a No from a proposal.
-Try as much as possible not to be angry. It may not be easy but it is the best way to keep yourself save.

-Remember it is not the end of the world. Most times, what awaits us in the future is always better and finer than what we regret not having in the present.

-Try as much as possible to get busy doing something profitable. Engage your mind positively. Idle mind will make your heart wandering and throwing a pity party for yourself.

-Do things that make you happy. Listen to great music. Watch interesting films and hang around people that can make you laugh.

-More importantly, you may have to talk to someone whose counsel you respect in case you are losing your mind or not better in days. You know that slogan that usually accompanies drug adverts on radio and television , ‘if symptoms persists after a few days, do consult your doctor’ (smiles). A Relationship counsellor or Mind Therapist will be of great help.

She said no to your proposal, so what? It is not the end of the world, it is only a bend that will lead to a glorious end. I believe so and I need you too to do so. All the best.

image

Before you start another relationship…

So you are contemplating starting another relationship? That means the previous relationship ended. Sometimes we wish our previous relationship(s) worked out because of our huge investment in it (them) but really if our eyes were opened to see the kind of great future carved out for us, we will be glad that the previous relationship ended because it wasn’t designed to bring out the best in us.

Alright, now that there is no one in your life or you are considering if this person you just met is best suited for you. Let me ask you, what lessons did you learn from the previous relationship?

If you were hurt in the past, have you forgiven your ex? Please know that if you’re still hurting from a failed relationship, you’re not healthy enough to start another one. Why? Your wound is probably still fresh or you’re still healing. If any pain is inflicted on your already existing wound, it can cause you more damage and this in return can make you lash out at your new partner or even make him/her want to pay for the offence your ex committed. Let go of yesterday’s hurt, pain and abuse. Only then are you qualified and certified whole and healthy to give another relationship a try.

Do you still cry when you remember the past hurt? Do you still feel bitterness towards your ex when you remember him or her? Then you’re still hurting. ‘How do I get healed if I’m still hurting?’ you may be asking. Let me help you with a few steps. Forgive yourself, forgive the person that hurt you (free them from the prison of your heart). Here, I say forgive…but don’t forget the lessons you learnt from the past hurt. For instance, if he used to abuse you or she cheated on you over and over before the relationship came to an end, forgive. You need this to move on, but don’t forget how to identify a ‘cheat’ or a man who enjoys abusing his partner, so you won’t fall prey to the same kind of person in future.

In healing from the past, love yourself unconditionally. Treat yourself like the king/queen that you are. Take yourself out and give YOU a nice treat. If no one is your VAL, be your own VAL. Look in the mirror and say all the nice things you want to hear about yourself. Learn to encourage and motivate yourself. This is because you can’t love someone else the way they deserve to be loved if you don’t love yourself well enough. You can’t give what you don’t have. Period!

In getting healed from the past, listen to music that ministers and feeds your soul. Songs are powerful, they have a way of touching the heart even the deepest part of it. Be sure to surround yourself with people that believe in you. You need them to forget the past and to move on.

‘It takes courage to love again when you have been hurt. The alternative is to give up on love. Don’t! Be brave to love and love again.’ – Anonymous

One thing I want you to know is that not every man is a cheat, not every woman is after your money. There are great individuals whose main concerns are your happiness and joy. Find and surround yourself with such individuals. You can only attract your quality in the opposite sex. You may not be able to attract diamond if all you’re stuffed up with is wood. Birds of the same feather flock together. It therefore means if you want a Prince, you have to become a Princess (and vice versa).

Before you start another relationship, be ready to give your best and be prepared to let your Maker be involved in it all because relationship was and still is His original idea and He is the best matchmaker ever. His record remains unbroken. That your ex left you is not the end of your life, it is the beginning of the best chapters of your life about to be written. I wait to read your love story.another-relationship

Romance is big deal in marriage

ighodaloMelody was in a hurry, she had to be at the airport in the next three hours to catch her flight to Texas. She is billed to minister at an international family conference. Meanwhile a couple has been waiting in her office to see her for counseling; they have vowed not to leave until they see her. It looks like an emergency;her PA sent a message to her via blackberry messenger to inform her that the couple says they are just a few minutes away from divorce. The word ‘divorce’ struck Melody, she will have to see this couple and she hopes to be done in good time so she meets up with her flight.

‘Drive straight to my office, a couple needs me now’ she instructed her driver. It was not long before she arrived at her office and came face to face with the couple. They looked so young and beautiful together, ‘why on earth would you want out of your marriage?’ Melody asked the couple. The husband pointed to his wife, ‘she says I’m boring, she claims she was happier when she was single. I want her happiness. If letting her go will make her happy, I’m willing to do that’, he concluded looking more confused than sad.

Melody turned to the wife who was already in tears; she waited for her until she could find her voice. ‘He doesn’t understand me. He is not always there when I need him. He doesn’t know how to touch me the way I want to be touched. He doesn’t know how to feed my emotions. He often forgets I love to be hugged, touched and pampered. I hurt emotionally. I want out’ she blurted out.

‘What if he learns how to touch you, hold you and feed your emotions the way you want, will you stay and fight for your marriage?’, Melody asked. The woman’s face lightened up at the question, she looked straight at her husband’s face and looked back at Melody and gave an affirmative nod. Melody smiled as the husband made a sigh of relief.

Melody turned to the man, ’learn your wife’s love language and work with it’. She then faced the woman, ’Lauren, turn to your husband and tell him how you want to be loved and touched’. It was a touching moment as Lauren poured her heart out in tears to her husband of three years. Lamide couldn’t hold back the tears in his eyes as he watched and realized how the things his wife desire are so far apart from the way he has been treating her all these years. ‘I don’t just want us to have sex. I want us to make love always. I want you to care about how I feel when we do it. Not just about you getting satisfied but also being concerned enough to find out whether I enjoyed it or endured it’, Lauren concluded.

‘I am sorry, I never knew this was how I made you feel all this while and you never told me’, he lamented. ’You were always busy making money, too busy to notice how I feel’, she replied. They continued their dialogue and poured their hearts out as Melody watched on, it took them several minutes to notice that Melody was waiting for them to finish. She smiled at them, they are much better than how they were when she sighted them almost two hours ago.

‘I recommend that you take a short vacation to rediscover yourselves. Learn each other’s idea of romance as well as each other’s love language’. Laugh, play and if possible cry together. You need to hold nothing back from each other’. ‘I look forward to seeing you stronger and better together when I come back from Texas’, Melody concluded as she prayed with the couple.

‘Mission accomplished’ Melody smiled at herself as she made her way to the international airport, another family had just been saved from divorce; she is living her purpose.