Before the wedding ring

35-gold-wedding-rings1Rose made a loud sigh as she check out the engagement ring Roberts slipped into her finger some hours ago. He proposed to her on the spot and was anxious for a positive response immediately. She however told him to give her a couple of days to think it over.

Roberts was every woman’s dream, cute, intelligent and rich. And oh! He promised her their honey moon would be in Paris. Her parents have been looking forward to when she will walk down the aisle with this guy because both parents have been very close for years and nothing more will make them happy. She has all things working for her except that things seem not to be smooth between Robert and her. He doesn’t understand her moods, they don’t speak same love language and they argue a lot. In fact, she always feels under pressure whenever she’s in his company. Though she has feelings for him, she’s not sure if that’s enough for her to say yeas to his proposal. She may be wearing his engagement ring now but she need answers to help her decide whether she will eventually wear Roberts’s wedding ring…

Rose has to ponder on the following before she makes up her mind. Marriage is a serious business, every serious business therefore is never rushed into; rather it is well planned for. Planning of course revolves round preparation. So let me ask you the question of how well prepared you are to live with that man or woman for the rest of your life?

Do you want to get married because all your friends and siblings are married? That is not a good reason to get married. Neither should you rush into marriage to escape from loneliness. If you cannot overcome loneliness while you are single, you may not be able to overcome it when married because your spouse will not always be with you every hour of the day.

Pressure from parents, friends and well wishers is never a good reason to rush into marriage. If your loved ones force you into the union, will they be there when you face challenges with your spouse? No matter how well they love you, there is a limit to what they can interfere to when you are married.
Pregnancy is not a good reason to get married. That you got involve with someone and got pregnant cannot make you happy forever if that is the reason why that union was formed. Lots of ladies have ‘hooked’ their men through this approach and have regretted such action later in life. Make sure your union is on a strong foundation.

Countless marriages are on the verge of collapse, homes are being shattered and hearts get ‘broken’ all because people rush into marriage for the wrong reasons. Not being able to control your sexual urge should not be a primary purpose of you rushing into marriage. If you cannot control your emotions while single, you will mess up when married.

For you to say you are ready to stay committed to a person of the opposite sex because marriage is between a man and a woman any other union is perverse; you must be able to pass the test of LOVE.

Do you love the person enough to stay committed to him/her for the rest of your life? Can you endure ‘thick and thin’ with him/her? This must be someone you will be happy to see beside you at the break of each new day. Do you have that strong feeling for your partner to want your kids to come through him/her? You must ready to love your spouse unconditionally. Don’t say ‘I do’ to someone you cannot make sacrifices for. Marry someone you can’t do without, one who encourage your strength and help you overcome your weakness. You will know a person you love because you will always be happy being around such person. When you are in love, you are proud to show your fiancé/fiancée off in public. Someone who is not proud of you now will cheat on you in marriage. Your spouse will be patient with your faults not necessarily encouraging it but will stay by you to see you overcome. He/she will never criticize you but correct you in love. So check that person, are you really in love with him/her or otherwise?

Next is the COMPATIBILITY test. Are you both heading towards same direction? Is he/she your kind of person? Does he enjoy what make you laugh? Is he irritated by what makes you happy? Do you at all have good things in common? Take time out to talk about your future, is your spouse to be comfortable with the picture of tomorrow that you are painting. Your spouse should never be threatened by your success; rather it should make him/her happy. Never settle with someone who seems to be in competition with you. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured, therefore do not get entangled with things or anyone that will make marriage a misery to you.

Your visions, goals and aspirations must be able to merge and work together. Lady, anyone who discourages from being the best in your chosen career or vocation cannot groom you. Give your life time commitment only to someone who stirs up the best in you.

Let’s do the COMMUNICATION test. How well do you connect with your partner in expression? Do you speak same language of love? Does she understand your sign language? When you are moody, is he aware? You cannot have a successful journey with someone you do not understand. It does not necessarily mean he supports your view on issues all the time, but he must be able to reason with you. Marry only someone you can dialogue with. Communication is the live wire of any relationship. No communication, no relationship. Communication expresses your feelings, emotions and views to your spouse. Anyone who does not know how to communicate with his/her spouse will not enjoy such a spouse. Does he listens to you or does he always want to have his way all the time? These are vital questions that must be answered before the wedding ring.

And before you make that lifetime commitment, you must be matured. MATURITY test comes in to play here. How matured are you? I am not talking about age; you may be old and not matured. How well do you handle things? Are you strong emotionally? Won’t you run to your parents anytime trivial issues arise in your home? Can you give your spouse great ideas anytime he/she wants to embark on any venture. Apart from being physically matured because marriage is not for minors, you must be strong enough to pull through challenges. Every marriage passes through its own time of challenge. You have to be strong hearted, have a no give up attitude towards life. Anyone who gives up easily will surely throw in the towel in the face of little challenges. You must be financial stable. I mean, you must have a steady means of income. Finance is one of the major dispute couples face regularly. Therefore wisdom has to be applied here. Both of you should discuss how to handle the family finance. That of course is the reason why idleness will cause issue in homes. A woman should not wait for her spouse before she pays for everything she buys; she should at least in her own way contribute to the family income. No man wants a liability as a wife. No woman wants a failure as a husband.

You must be ready to take up responsibility. You must be prepared to be answerable to your spouse in whatever you do. Let’s now do the RESPONSIBILITY test. How ready are you to take care of your immediate family? Are you ready to be a mother? Are you prepared to be a daddy? Are you equipped to mentor your kids because every kid looks up to his/her parents as mentors? We the parents are the best teachers and mentors for our kids. This is because they replay most of the things they see us do, they believe what we do are the right things. So you’ve got to do away with attitudes you don’t want your kids to emulate.

More so, you must be ready to be involved domestically no matter the number of house helps you have. There are things that need to be done by you if you want them done well. You must not be lazy. A hardworking man will never enjoy a lazy woman as his wife and vice versa.

On a last note, marriage is great and enjoyable only if you are well prepared and marry the right person. I look forward to answer your questions. You will succeed!

Knowing He is the One for me

knowingLet me start by telling you that I had the mental picture of the kind of guy I wish to spend the rest of my life with since I was in teens. In my mind, I had a picture of his height, complexion, romantic dexterity (winks), charisma and what have you. I got what I wanted and much more.

Now, let me share with you seven steps that will guide you to know when the right person comes into your life.

1.     Picture your future

Whatever you desire and aspire, you can acquire. Our mind is so powerful, it is a great weapon that can make or mar us depending on how we use it. It has the power to connect into the future and prepare for us in advance what we will need. All you need to do is create a beautiful future. What you believe you will receive.

2.     Place value on yourself

You can only get your worth in your partner. I mean you only attract your equivalent. Birds of same feather flock together. Great minds think alike. With the picture of the future you have in mind, place value on yourself, and do you worth what you desire? No one wants a liability as a spouse; no one wants a pushover as a partner. Everyone wants someone they can be proud to show-off in the public. So, re-brand yourself for the kind of spouse you want to attract into your life. Re-package, be friendly, sociable and presentable. Always keep a smiling face. Smile is the best make-up ever; you don’t need to pay a dime for it. It’s in you, let the world see you smile your way to success.

3.     Believe that true love exists

We learnt from the wise book read all over the world that for every Adam, there’s always an Eve. This means, someone unique has been made for you to love, honour, cherish and grow old with you, finishing strong. Love exists no matter the hurt you’ve been through, love will knock on your door again, and all you need to do is believe that true love exists. Everything else fails but Love never fails. Everything that revolves round us was created by love for our convenience. There is a Great Spirit behind our existence as humans and that Spirit is Love. Just as we have earlier established that whatever you believe works for you, so you cannot experience true love if you don’t believe in its existence. True love exists and you can experience it forever. Extravagant love exists; it is the love that makes you put your partner first; adding value to your spouse’s life. And what ever you sow, you will definitely reap, it is a natural law. You cannot plant corn and expect to harvest cassava, same way, when you approach the school of relationship with the aim of being in love forever, then believe it, work towards it and it will happen.

4.     Determine to have the best relationship

In the words of Matthew Ashimolowo, ‘be the best’. I challenge you to dream of the best relationship. Daniel was a great man according to the Babylonian history from the wise book; he achieved much success because he was always determined to stand-out. Whatever you determine with so much focus, you will achieve. Set great standards for your relationship. Do you want to marry a Prince? If yes, be a princess yourself, dress as one, speak as one and walk as one. Read books that help to build relationships, attend seminars and listen to tapes that help you to prepare for your partner.

5.     Recognising your partner

Now, it is very easy to recognise your partner. Here are some of the tips that worked for me and will work for you; your partner will:

-complement not contradict your vision

-appreciate not tolerate you

-be proud to show you off in the public

-encourage not pull you down

-enjoy your company

-respect your opinion, not necessarily agreeing with it

-accept and love your people

-stir up your strength and help you overcome your weakness

-not hurt you intentionally

-apologise when they hurt you

-not laugh when you fail

-celebrate your success

-see you as the father/mother of his/her kids

-want to grow old with you

If most of the points above are evident in the person you see, then follow your heart, connect, and reach-out. If the guy is not making the first move, the babe can help him feel more comfortable expressing himself by using what I call Ruth-Boaz strategy. With humility, show him signs that you are comfortable around him, you don’t need to say it, act it, you don’t need to seduce him, that is morally wrong, but you can influence him. Let him know he has something he has been looking for all his life by being the best friend in the world to him. Men want to be married to their best friends, same with women. History has shown us that relationship last longer when best friends get married.

6.     Keeping your partner

Getting the right partner is not just it but keeping him/her. Work on your self-esteem, approach life with the attitude that you are the best and that if your partner leaves you today, he/she will miss you greatly because you are valuable. According to a popular saying, you don’t know the worth of what you have until you lose it.

Be confident, don’t be intimidated, don’t be inferior around him/her. Bear in mind that he/she is privileged to have you in his/her life. You are a designer’s make, specially crafted, beautifully structured, don’t believe otherwise.

Whatever you fear happens. It happened to one great man from the east named Job; the wise great book tells us that.

If after practising all these, he/she leaves, then someone better is meant for you. It may hurt but don’t let it be your end. No body is worth you committing suicide for. Put yourself together, for love will call again and you will smile.

7.     Roll the wedding bells

Now, both of you can get married. Plan for your future, carry your parents along. If your parents/guardians do not concur initially, don’t lose hope. Many waters cannot quench love. Be united, once both of you are in agreement, you can chase ten thousands, even more. Your parents will come around, because love is strong, can melt the most hardened heart. It worked for me, it will work for you. I look forward to answering your questions and mentoring you to be the next celebrity couple. You will succeed!